When it’s time, you’ll know, i’ll be standing there with a no longer heavy heart, with sparkles in my eyes, my feet barely touching the ground, with nothing above but a beautiful blue sky, i’ve came a long way before, left so many behind, been through a lot, & never gave up. Counted the blessings & lost the count, consistently loved what i do, & went with all of my heart to get what i want, so now i can stand there and be proud of who i’ve become, stand there and finally leave it all behind.

Will my heart be broken? By you?
It seems like my heart will be broken, by you, gentle man
I keep denying that
I keep ignoring the facts
The fact of you, a heart breaker!
You’re too sweet to hurt anyone
You’re too gentle to be selfish
But you have precedents, my dear
Rumors about you are scaring me
They say you’ll hurt me, & we won’t be happy
They say, you’re different and we won’t get along
I hate to believe them, I hate to lose faith in us
But, tell me, dear, should i?
Or should I ignore my senses, ignore their rumors and just believe in one thing, in one absolute fact, that I loved you ever since the first moment and we had those short precious moments together and, i’ve never felt so alive or happy since then.
Its your birthday, today
& I can’t sleep without sending you a gesture
Still hesitating, shaking, and tossing
Can’t decide which way to go
Nicely loving you
Or safely ignoring you?
Which way will be less grievous?
Consequences are coming
& I’m afraid i’m too soft to handle them
I’m too affectionate to hurt you
& too soft to be hurt by you
For the best,
I’m afraid this story will be sealed and forgotten and never be lived, My sweet gentle heart-breaker

I knew i loved you when i caught myself worried about your little details, wondering if you’re nervous, had your coffee? did you sleep well? Are you happy? Lonely? Who’re you with at the very specific moment?
Wonderingly i know the answers of all, i knew you will never miss getting your coffee and a bottle of water, getting in rush with your headphones & the loud music on, seeking for a suitable seat where you won’t get distracted, and surely i know you haven’t slept well, and you’ve been nervous and panicking the whole night over, I know you’re not lonely and they’re all around you, which certainly a thing I don’t like; you being surrounded by all those girls, and i have to admit, i hate you for that.

You released the soft, poetic, most sensitive part of me, which i was trying for so long to get it released, and couldn’t.
It’s all about the butterflies I get when you’re around,
Though not when you’re with other girls,
It turns into anger, when you do
You introduced me to the very angry, jealous version of me,
You deserve my ignorance
You deserve to be pushed away
I know deep down, I want you close
But your actions speaks for mine
Those poems turned into dispraise
And that love turned into anger
I want you closely away,
Away from them in either ways.

“I love you enough for the two of us”
You once told me about your fears
How delicate you’re
overwhelmed yourself in the details
That you forgot yourself
Your genuine heart was appealing
and i couldn't resist the tymp
You tried to impress,
& didn’t hide your flaws
wobbling, up and down
A step closer, hundred away
Where our story was sealed
Is where it began
Because you were raised a lover, a gentleman
Caring a little too much
For the gullible me
hated yourself so much
& waited for me to come
To tell you that
“I love you enough for the Two of us”

It’s the state of anger that got me the most,
Jealousy is not my type but i guess i’ve changed a lot
I wish i can tell how i feel
I wish you can sense the shiver of my heart
The matter of you, me & our connected butterflies,
I feel yours & you feel mine
In the very crowded rooms, with the very loudly voices, it was only me & you
I remember
You setting there flashing a glance, & me ignoring you
I remember
Your shaky voice & u sure remember mine
My eyes were always looking for you, and i ran away once i found you
Its risky yet sweet to have you around,
deeply it was all what i wanted
And that caused the state of anger that got me the most

I wish you were different
I wish you weren’t that successful or that charming
I wish you were just an ordinary boring guy
So loving you won’t be hard & leaving you won’t be even harder
I admit it i was mean, cruel & a heart breaker
I ended us before we even started
I was naïve, afraid & hesitant
Panicking that things won’t work out
Denying -for the first time in my life- all of my senses and beliefs
I denied that feeling although it was so real,
that i felt as if my soul was breathing for the first time
Refreshing, real & euphoric
As if it was the first breath of a preterm born,
His life was on edge
And was given a chance to live
To be unconditionally loved
To be genuinely cared for
So mr. genuine, are we over, yet?

Constantly denying that i like you, yet intentionally ignoring your existence & all your moves, frightened that i might in the very distant future hurt you.
I don’t know which i’ll regret more if i kept ignoring the sparks i get when you’re around, or if i accepted the fact and surrendered to your genuine moves, because no one ever got me like you did, and it’s driving me crazy how you know all the keys, know the perfect timing and the perfect words to touch my heart, and make my soul happy.