I think I'll be an influencer
I'll be really good at that
I'll buy some bots from Russia
and flog some plastic tat.
I'll pose in skimpy ******
I'll advertise fake tan
and when my fans unfollow me
I'll bring out my old gran.
Of course, the person that you see
behind the camera lens
is photoshopped to b*y
and wearing all size tens.
I'll nip and tuck I'll cut and crop
'Thank God' I say for photoshop.
I'll probably have a kid or two
or three, or four or five
I've heard that that's the best way
to keep your page alive.
Of course, they won't be ugly kids I'll make sure of that
I'll tan their skin and bleach their hair I'll use a filter everywhere.
And when it comes to freebies ill grab them with both hands
I'll tag the big name companies and all the biggest brands
They'll send me stuff to advertise Oh I'll make a ***
Of course, I will be sneaky I'll not say #gifted #ad
Oh yes I'll make my fortune built on scams and lies
Who cares if people suffer from debt up to their eyes.
Because I am an influencer I do not care one bit
I have no moral compass to that I will admit
As long as I have 'likes' and hearts, kisses and bouquets
I'll carry on accepting all your undeserving praise.

What if my eyes were blue, my hair jet black
My ******* were firm my jaw not slack
My hips were narrow my legs a delight
My teeth were even my smile was bright

But...My eyes are red my hair is grey
My hips are wide my ******* now sway
My jaw is clenched my teeth are sore
My legs are aching from pacing the floor

My eyes were once green my hair flaming red
My ******* would entice you into my bed
My hips would sway my legs would dance
My teeth were perfect and my smile could entrance

Are her eyes still blue is her hair still black
Are her ******* still firm her jaw not slack
Are her hips still narrow her legs still a delight
Are her teeth still even and her smile still bright

Do you ever stop and wonder
What happens when you die?
About your mode of transport
To your new home in the sky?
Will it be a chariot pulled by horses white
Or will it be an angel with its guiding light
It may even be an aeroplane with a celestial cabin crew
Who'll serve you meat or chicken and a glass of wine or two
If it is a liner I hope the sea's serene
I don't want to meet my maker fifty shades of green
But whichever way we get there it cannot be denied
It will be one amazing, breathtaking heavenly ride

Today I skyped my daughter
So what I hear you say
It's just that she's my daughter
And lives so far away

We talked about the weather
And the Covid rates as well
We talked about her wedding
And my little dizzy spell

I sent her cat best wishes
She's twelve today (I think)
I moaned about the dishes
She'd left around the sink

She showed me her new handbag
And the bruises on her shin
She thought she'd lost her bank card
Then found it in the bin!

Brown hair, green eyes and a mole on my thigh
Five feet four inches but used to be five.
Don't mention my weight its a problem with me
Because I like to eat biscuits with my cup of tea
Wrong side of fifty by ten years or more
I don't bother to lie about age anymore
Children all flown now, with kids of their own
Still like to call me and moan on the phone
I live on an island in the beautiful Med
(Kids say I abandoned them, left them for dead)
I'm quite easy-going but I'm not a doormat
I love to sit down over coffee and chat
Friends say I'm funny, sarcastic and rude
I'm partial to swearing but nothing too crude
So that's me in a nutshell, I hope you now see
The person behind this amazing poetry!

Come sit with me and talk awhile
Tell me how you are
Tell me how your feeling
How's your day so far?
Tell me if you liked the book I told you I had read
Tell me if those dark thoughts are still inside your head
Tell me how your Mum is is your Dad okay?
Hows your little sister the one you led astray!
Do you still like walking in the woods beside the lake
Do you still get frightened of the darkness if you wake.
Do you still imagine what you'll do when you leave home?
Will you fly to London, Moscow, Paris, Rome?
Can you still remember my face, my voice my smile?
Can you feel my arms around you if only for a while?
I love it when you visit me but hate how time flies by
It's lonely here sometimes in my new home in the sky

My sadness comes often, sometimes it stays,
Outlives it welcome and goes on for days
Sometimes its brief flickers then dies
Then it just leaves, no fond goodbyes
Weeks and months pass with no sign of it there
Then suddenly it comes out of nowhere
A song or a thought whilst lying in bed
Brings back the unwanted guest in my head
There's no getting away from this demon inside
No corners to turn, no cupboards to hide.
So I just let it come and go as it pleases
And endure the sadness and wait till it eases
Then when my visitor heads for the door
I'll bid it farewell and be contented once more

I'm weary from fighting please let it end
We need a ceasefire for our hearts to mend
I'll wave a white flag to lighten our load
And finally, admit it's the end of our road.

That road once was smooth, a pleasure to walk
But now we can see we have come to a fork
Which way do we turn? Is it left is it right?
Whichever we choose its the end of our fight.

When did we stop caring when did the love die?
It seems like it happened in the blink of an eye
We used to embrace and kiss under the stars
Now we are hurting with our battle scars.

I hope we'll look back on these hopeless years
And remember the joy and forget all the tears
We'll count all the blessings that we were bestowed
Before we approached the end of our road.

God sat upon his heavenly throne
And surveyed his work below
The stars were in their heavens
The moon was all aglow.

The animals were sleeping
The birds were in their trees
The sun had set, the sea had calmed
The winds were now at ease.

The flowers had closed their petals
The trees were standing tall
The grass made not a murmur
The rain did gently fall.

For this was the beginning
Of the world that He designed
For every man and woman
To be known as all Mankind

Welcome me back with open arms
Say I don't need to explain
Let's put the past behind us
And start all over again.

I'll try to erase the pain that I caused
And I'll wipe away all your tears
We'll turn back the clock and re-write the book
And delete all the miserable years.

We'll try to recapture the love we once knew
We'll do all the things we enjoyed
We'll try to relive the life we once had
Before it was all destroyed.

If you ask me to leave I will go
I will leave you to your own devices
I'll walk out of your life and never return
I hope it's worth what the price is.

You have told me time after time
We'd be better off living alone
Well now here's your chance to prove it
By living your life on your own.

You seem to think grass is greener
On the other side of the fence
Well now you're about to discover
As your new life's about to commence.

You have your new life without me
Bravo, well done, take a bow
But I can't help but wonder if you really wanted
The loneliness you're feeling now.

Shall we dance this life of ours?
Shall we tango through the years?
We'll rumba through the happy times
And cha cha through the tears.

We'll salsa through the sleepless nights
And waltz through teenage doom
And when we have our empty nest
We'll jive in every room!

And when the reaper comes to call
We'll foxtrot in his face
We'll shine our shoes and give a wave
And tap dance happily to our grave.

I am the colour in your monochrome life
I am the cutting edge of your knife
I am the garment you wear when you're cold
I am your grasp when losing your hold
I am your sanity when you howl at the moon
I am your melody when you're out of tune
I am your power when you run out of steam
I am your nightmare when you dare to dream
I am your strength when you're feeling weak
I am your lips when you struggle to speak
I am your hands when you kneel down in prayer
I am your breath when you're gasping for air
I am your shelter from the battering storm
I am the fire when you need to be warm
I am the welcome when you arrive
I am simply the reason that you are alive.

A memory is a photograph
Captured in your mind
Some are sharp and clear
Some are worn and lined.
Each one has a time and date
Stamped upon your heart
Some you look at kindly
Some you tear apart.
Every tiny detail brings a tear or smile
A choice we made, a price we paid
Such memories will never fade.
Memories will always stay
In a box inside your head
To open when you're lonely
Or at night when in your bed
When each new sun arises and shines upon our day
Let's make sure new memories are made to store away

Let me be your sunshine in your time of rain
Let me be your comfort, let me ease your pain
Let me be your courage when all you feel is fear
Let me be your reasoning when thoughts are less than clear

Let me lend my shoulder to lean on when you're weak
Let me be your lips to help you when you speak
Let me be your light when everywhere looks dark
Let me be your fire, let me be your spark.

Let me be your first, let me be your last
Let me be your future, let me be your past
Let me be the only one to walk with you through life
Let me be your lover, let me be your wife

Can you forgive me, can you forget?
If I take back the words I regret
If I undo the pain that I caused
Can we return to the life that I paused?

Can you afford me just one more chance?
Can we rekindle our fading romance?
Can we be lovers for just one more night?
Can we not argue, can we not fight?

Can we believe that all is not lost?
Can we remember when first our paths crossed?
Can we remember when love was so blind?
Can we go back to the times we were kind?

Write me a poem, sing me a song
Hum me a tune and I'll hum along.
Tell me you love me, lie if you must
Don't shatter my dreams or crush them to dust.

Laugh at my jokes, say I look nice
Help with my coat, look at me twice.
Linger around when I'm all alone
When we are together, don't answer your phone.

Make feel young again, pretty once more
Make my heart flutter when you walk in the door.
Ask how I'm feeling am I happy or sad?
Lonely, downhearted, hopeless or mad?

Let me remember the Us I once knew
When days were all sunshine and the sky was so blue
Let me remember the perfect duet
That we were back then, don't let me forget.

I quite often wonder
At night when I'm in bed
Why lots of stupid, silly things
Go racing through my head
Things that wouldn't trouble me
At all when its daylight, but suddenly
All hell breaks loose when I turn off the light.

I worry about the pain I have in my right big toe
Is it cancer? Is it gout? Will it have to go?
I lie and fret and fuss about things I've said and done
Not recent things I might add but in nineteen ninety-one
Then the dreaded guilt kicks in and cuts me like a knife
Was I a perfect mother, daughter, sister, wife?

My head is fit for bursting now I can't take it anymore
The clock shines bright beside me it's only half-past four!
And then I start to think about what causes this each night
Too much coffee? Too much wine? No more drinking after nine!
And then a sliver of light shines through, the sunlight starts to spread
I feel much calmer, more serene now the night is dead.

This year I turned sixty
So what? you might say
It's only a number, just one more day.
But sixty is old it makes me feel sad
I want to recapture the years that I had.
I long to go back at least one decade
And let me undo the mistakes that I made.
I'd take back the words I'd spoken in haste
And relive the moments I let go to waste.
I'd sit with my parents and listen when they
Told me about their long boring day
And when the time came for me to depart
I'd hug them and hold them and leave them my heart.

This year I turned sixty
So What? You might say
It's only a number just one more day
But that day I felt happy, joyful and glad
No time to feel bitter, angry and sad.
I looked back on times and memories made
Old photos of family and places we stayed
There's nothing I'd change, no regrets to be had
Just memories of good times of that I am glad.
So when you turn sixty don't cry or be glum
Because I believe the best's yet to come.
So when you look up at your lucky star
Be thankful and grateful that you've come this far.

One night after wining and dining
He said he thought we should try
'For a baby, it will be awesome
And your clock is ticking on by'

I looked at him very intently
Like madness had taken his mind
Why would he want a baby?
Why would he be so inclined?

'A guy on 'Montel' says he had one
he says its the best thing he's done
It's like your whole life has rebooted
And a more exciting one has begun'

Well I think I was quite bowled over
It hadn't been high on my list
I mean babies are fine in small doses
But they're not something I'd say I had missed

But here we are nine months later
Panting and pushing like hell
I blame the wine and the oysters
And he blames the guy on 'Montel'

I'm tired of this face of mine
I think I'll have to change it
I'll plump my lips, slim my chin
Debag my eyes and smooth my skin.
My ears are fine but what the heck
I'll pin them back then check my neck
It looks a little loose and slack
I'll have it nipped and tucked right back.
Then I will peruse my chest
It's not too bad but not its best.
I think that I might see a surgeon
Go up a cup size watch it burgeon.
And then of course there is my waist
Once so shapely, perfectly placed
Now its wider with more fat
Never mind I'll fix that.
I'll give up wine and cigarettes
I'll join a gym and work up sweats.
My legs need shaved, toenails need cut
Then that's me done from head to foot
But you know its just a fable
I'll lay my cards out on the table
I may be tired of the same old me
But why change now? I'm ninety three