I think I'll be an influencer
I'll be really good at that
I'll buy some bots from Russia
and flog some plastic tat.
I'll pose in skimpy ******
I'll advertise fake tan
and when my fans unfollow me
I'll bring out my old gran.
Of course, the person that you see
behind the camera lens
is photoshopped to b*y
and wearing all size tens.
I'll nip and tuck I'll cut and crop
'Thank God' I say for photoshop.
I'll probably have a kid or two
or three, or four or five
I've heard that that's the best way
to keep your page alive.
Of course, they won't be ugly kids I'll make sure of that
I'll tan their skin and bleach their hair I'll use a filter everywhere.
And when it comes to freebies ill grab them with both hands
I'll tag the big name companies and all the biggest brands
They'll send me stuff to advertise Oh I'll make a ***
Of course, I will be sneaky I'll not say #gifted #ad
Oh yes I'll make my fortune built on scams and lies
Who cares if people suffer from debt up to their eyes.
Because I am an influencer I do not care one bit
I have no moral compass to that I will admit
As long as I have 'likes' and hearts, kisses and bouquets
I'll carry on accepting all your undeserving praise.

What if my eyes were blue, my hair jet black
My ******* were firm my jaw not slack
My hips were narrow my legs a delight
My teeth were even my smile was bright

But...My eyes are red my hair is grey
My hips are wide my ******* now sway
My jaw is clenched my teeth are sore
My legs are aching from pacing the floor

My eyes were once green my hair flaming red
My ******* would entice you into my bed
My hips would sway my legs would dance
My teeth were perfect and my smile could entrance

Are her eyes still blue is her hair still black
Are her ******* still firm her jaw not slack
Are her hips still narrow her legs still a delight
Are her teeth still even and her smile still bright

Do you ever stop and wonder
What happens when you die?
About your mode of transport
To your new home in the sky?
Will it be a chariot pulled by horses white
Or will it be an angel with its guiding light
It may even be an aeroplane with a celestial cabin crew
Who'll serve you meat or chicken and a glass of wine or two
If it is a liner I hope the sea's serene
I don't want to meet my maker fifty shades of green
But whichever way we get there it cannot be denied
It will be one amazing, breathtaking heavenly ride

Today I skyped my daughter
So what I hear you say
It's just that she's my daughter
And lives so far away

We talked about the weather
And the Covid rates as well
We talked about her wedding
And my little dizzy spell

I sent her cat best wishes
She's twelve today (I think)
I moaned about the dishes
She'd left around the sink

She showed me her new handbag
And the bruises on her shin
She thought she'd lost her bank card
Then found it in the bin!

Brown hair, green eyes and a mole on my thigh
Five feet four inches but used to be five.
Don't mention my weight its a problem with me
Because I like to eat biscuits with my cup of tea
Wrong side of fifty by ten years or more
I don't bother to lie about age anymore
Children all flown now, with kids of their own
Still like to call me and moan on the phone
I live on an island in the beautiful Med
(Kids say I abandoned them, left them for dead)
I'm quite easy-going but I'm not a doormat
I love to sit down over coffee and chat
Friends say I'm funny, sarcastic and rude
I'm partial to swearing but nothing too crude
So that's me in a nutshell, I hope you now see
The person behind this amazing poetry!

Come sit with me and talk awhile
Tell me how you are
Tell me how your feeling
How's your day so far?
Tell me if you liked the book I told you I had read
Tell me if those dark thoughts are still inside your head
Tell me how your Mum is is your Dad okay?
Hows your little sister the one you led astray!
Do you still like walking in the woods beside the lake
Do you still get frightened of the darkness if you wake.
Do you still imagine what you'll do when you leave home?
Will you fly to London, Moscow, Paris, Rome?
Can you still remember my face, my voice my smile?
Can you feel my arms around you if only for a while?
I love it when you visit me but hate how time flies by
It's lonely here sometimes in my new home in the sky

My sadness comes often, sometimes it stays,
Outlives it welcome and goes on for days
Sometimes its brief flickers then dies
Then it just leaves, no fond goodbyes
Weeks and months pass with no sign of it there
Then suddenly it comes out of nowhere
A song or a thought whilst lying in bed
Brings back the unwanted guest in my head
There's no getting away from this demon inside
No corners to turn, no cupboards to hide.
So I just let it come and go as it pleases
And endure the sadness and wait till it eases
Then when my visitor heads for the door
I'll bid it farewell and be contented once more