I stood out in the middle of the flowing creek on a rock slicked with moss. My Timberlands soaked from walking in the water to the rock. My boots claimed to be waterproof and were waterproof in that once water works its way in, it does not come back out unless the boot is removed and shaken violently to poor the water out. But the boots could be dried out later in the sun so this did not worry nor bother me.

I studied the landscape and watched the clear brownish water weave its way thru the obstacles in its way as if there were nothing that could impede it. I listened to the wind blowing and felt the breeze cool my legs until they were dry and no longer wet. I watched the crawfish, some the size of a dime, others bigger than a dollar bill, swim their way against and with the stream from one rock to another. I saw frogs leaping on the shore, frightened by movement in the bush and the random noises that nature and man can make.

I steadied my balance, gripping the rock thru the moss the best I could with the worn soles of my boots and with my left hand I grabbed the fishing line on my rod and pulled out a good two feet and with my right I flung my rod backwards and snapped forward with my wrist casting out the line until it was a good thirty to forty feet in front of me before I snapped the reel closed and began reeling the line in. I started off slow and picked up the pace, feeling the lure do its little dance beneath the water and I continued altering speeds and slightly lifting the rod to mimic the bait to make it look and act alive so that some fish might go after it, get tempted, bite it good and clean, and get hooked.

It's been days since I've had a meal and I could feel the hunger pangs rumbling in my stomach and my mouth salivate as I thought about my attempted catch and how good it would taste and how good it would smell being cooked over the fire that was still burning nicely a little ways from shore at the small camp I had set up for the night.

My line was about fifteen feet in when I felt a tug on it and I stopped reeling and fingered the line just slightly waiting to feel the pressure of a bite. As I watched and imagined seeing thru the water I could see the fish circling the lure and I did my best to continue making the bait seem alive and to keep the interest of the fish. There was a right tug on the line and I snapped the rod back, feeling the hook catch in the mouth of the fish who immediately began to fight being caught and took my line out another ten feet before I locked the reel and began the struggle of pulling him in.

My rod bending in a strong arch, I continued to pull in the line slowly giving the fish time to wear himself out. I had now regained the ten feet that the fish took but there was still plenty of fight in him. I could tell he was a good fish and weighed near thirty pounds by the struggle in him.

Suddenly he broke the surface of the water and I saw him clearly. He was a carp with the dull light green scales etched neatly along his body. He was about three feet in length and had a body thick like a small tree. He would make an excellent meal if I could finish bringing him in.

We fought back and forth for a good forty five minutes with my pulling in and him finding every crevice in the creek to entangle himself and pull out more line despite the reel being locked. At one point I nearly lost him as he pulled me off the rock and into the water. I hit my back on the rock and out of shock let go of the rod and watched it begin to drift down stream as the fish pulled away with it still caught but I quickly gathered myself and lunged forward, grabbing the handle between my thumb, index and ******* long enough to pull it back and get a better hold. I cursed and spit and reeled in harder watching the line go taught and the rod bend in an almost perfect arch. I started walking towards the carp while reeling in, closing the space between us.

He was now five feet in front of me and the fight was leaving his body because the line lessened and the arch lessened and I could see him clearly in the murky water laying almost calm, giving in to his fate.

Three feet.

Two feet

Almost there.

Suddenly he leaped again out of the water and twisted and thrusted himself about strong enough so that the hook ripped clear thru his mouth and out. He splashed back in the water and was gone before my hook landed back in the water.

He had got away and I would not be having him for dinner tonight.

I woke early again today
Got slightly dressed and went outside
Started splitting logs in 90 degree heat
A new habit I've picked up
One of many I've filled my time with lately
Habit or hobby - hard to tell the difference anymore
Split a few quickly and worked some knots the best I could before the heat got the better of me and I needed a break
I set my ax down and grabbed a small hatchet and cut down some overgrown bamboo plants
I cut them down only a few months ago
But life changes drastically in only a shot amount of time
And they grow so quickly
They towered above me by near five feet
And now they're only up to my knee cap
I could hear the shortened stalks whistling in the wind, "we'll be back"
And I carried the debris out into the sun to dry to become kindling for a fire
Sweat soaked from clothes to bone
I grabbed another log and raised the ax above my head and brought it down
Using my strength and the weight of the ax to sever the wood into two pieces, neatly down the center
No knots to work thru on this one
I continue chopping and splitting and working until I'm happy with the size of the wood
And I grab another log and keep chopping and splitting and working
Feeling the sun beating down and the sweat pouring down
My mind clear and thinking only of the task at hand
I listen to the morning birds sing and the crickets chirp
Dogs bark in the distance and my dog looks in their direction as if she can see them thru all the obstructions in her way
I add to the rhythm with the whistle of the ax coming down and the severing of the wood
I feel balanced in nature for those brief moments between the neighborhood waking up
And the memories I'm not remembering
I carry some wood to where it will burn and stock the rest near the back for a later date
I wipe the sweat from my brow and a breath in the hot, humid air
Filling my lungs until they can hold no more
And exhale
I fix myself a drink by twisting off the cap of a beer and feel it cool me from the inside as I drink it down
And take a seat on a lawn chair
Petting my dog on her head the way she likes
And I sit out in the sun, out in the yard,
and close my eyes and imagine the peace around me
That I feel inside

The wind howled outside of the lean to and Brian knew that it was only a matter of time before the chill settled in and the last breath of life would leave his body. He thought about his family back in the city and he could not bring to mind any bad times tho he knew that there were many. He thought of his marriage and how beautiful his wife had looked on her wedding day walking down the aisle escorted by her grandfather who had a tear in his eye. He remembered the way her dress and her hair flowed behind her as if there were some slight breeze that had hit her at just the right angle to make it possible. He remembered trying not to cry and to only smile the closer she got to him and how he nearly lost his composure when her grandfather handed her off to him. Brian thought of their first born who he called Maggie but  was named Magnolia by both parents and his wife still used that name. She would be turning sixteen this year and he had not been around as much lately as he had liked but he felt that she knew he would always be there. A tear rolled down the wind bitten cheeks of Brian and began to slow once it got close to his chin, partially leaving a frozen trail from eye to tears end. He thought about Maggie as a little girl, perhaps around the age of five, and the fishing trips that they would take out on the lakes of Minnesota. He remembered the first time that she had baited the fishhook herself and how proud both she and he were when she had caught a ten pound walleye with that same hook. Brian wanted desperately to hold onto that moment for the rest of his life and swore he would never forget and all thruout the years of his life it was one memory that we went back to anytime he felt low and out of place with everyone and everything around him. Brian thought of his two sons, Jameson and Benjamin, twins that could not have been more different. Jameson was great at sports and thrived on competition where Ben was more artistic and would often be found doing volunteer work. Tho they had many differences, they were brothers thru and thru and never had a bad moment together. Brian and Ruth Ann had raised there children right; he knew that much was true and felt the pang of sadness pierce his heart as he felt the anguish of his wife when she heard the news that he was dead and she would have to finish raising them alone. He knew she would do just fine and he wanted to tell her so, to comfort her somehow even tho he wouldn't be around but he had no way of doing so and instead shivered beneath the lean to and continued thinking of his family to keep his mind active. After a short while tho he felt his brain slow and the memories became distant like dreams do after a few moments of being awake. Brian closed his eyes tightly and forced himself to think and focus. He thought about the last family photo that they took and how grown up everyone was becoming and how much love was still in his wife's eyes and he lied down on the cold ground with that image in his head and he slipped into a sleep from which he knew he would not wake up from but still he smiled at his memories and hoped that even without him his children would continue being happy and would grow further and start their own families which would have their own families and so forth. He hoped his wife would be strong and keep on and if she should find someone else he hoped she would not let Brian be the thing that kept her from living. Before Brian exhaled his last breath, he saw Maggie baiting the fish hook and smiling the way a child does. Brian smiled too and slipped into death.

Our nights end the same

My dog and I

I stretch out on the couch and read a few chapters in whatever book I'm reading
Probably something by Hemingway or Paulsen

She's laying on the floor grinding down the knuckle on a bone that she picked clean days ago

There's a cold bottle of beer or a gin drink or a glass of ice and water sitting next to me on the table and they never seem to last long enough
So I always put my book down and grab another, make another, drink another

I look away from my book and watch her chew the bone and she looks at me and I see the corners of her mouth  curl up into a smile and she slowly stands up and does the stretching thing that she does and wanders to the back door
Moves the curtains aside and lays down by the glass and looks out into the darkness

I finish the chapter and stand up, walk to the back door and open it, letting her run out wild in the yard

I smile as she leaps like a horse over her small swimming pool and bounces like a rabbit thru the yard

I close the door and go back to the couch and drink my drink and continue reading
Or maybe I watch a little tv
Even tho I'm not paying much attention and there is seldom anything on
Maybe I stand up to adjust the antennae to get the channel in
But maybe I just shut the tv back off and read instead

My dog scratches at the door and I know she wants to come back in and it is near time to go to bed anyway so I let her in and say let's go to sleep
She grabs her bone and runs upstairs, lays the bone down at the top of the steps, and lays in front of the door to the master bedroom, never entering without me beside her

I brush my teeth and grab my work clothes and go upstairs where she is still at the door waiting

I walk into the bedroom and she follows

I shut off the lights and climb into bed in the dark and she jumps up on the bed and lays down beside me

Waiting for me to pet her head or rub her belly before she gets back up and moves down towards the bottom of the bed and curls up at my feet

We fall asleep until the alarm goes off and it's time to get back up for another day.

Every night gets lonely
Sittin by the phone waiting for you to call me
All I want to do is hear your voice
But you left me with no choice
I felt myself give in
When I heard you leaving

So I'm drinking with my heroes
Tryin to forget all I know
Tonight I'm drinking to you
Tryin to forget all I know
(Cause...)

Every night gets lonely
I can still feel you haunting
All those good times had to end
But why am I the one left standing

Tonight I just couldn't take it
Took one more hit from the bottle
Had to quiet these thoughts
To hear myself thinking
Felt myself give in
When I saw you leaving

So I'm drinking with myself
Tryin to forget all I know
Tonight I'm drinking to you
Tryin to forget all I know
(Cause...)

Every night gets lonely
I can still feel you haunting
All those good times had to end
But why am I the one left standing

Tonight I'm about to break
So I took one last drink
Felt myself give in
When I felt your spirit leaving

Every night gets lonely
I can still feel you haunting
All those good times had to end
But why am I the one left standing