Some nights I wait up
For that drunk text
Or call
Telling me
How sorry you are
How you feel horrible
How you wish you can take it back
How you can't live without me
But most nights I wait up
With no texts
Not one call
Not even a clue
Of how you really feel.
So for one night
Drink till your liver aches
Just so I could hear you say
"I love you" one more time
And actually
Feel like you mean it

It's the one night
When I'm sober.
It's when I can feel it,
Everything.
The fear
The power
The loneliness
The warmth
The weakness
The strength
Of what was
And what could've been.
It's the one night
When I'm sober
That I realize
I still miss you

It’s not that
I forget how to swim,
Every time my head
Sinks under the surface.
Its that
I often forget,
I know how
To swim so I
Can save myself drowning.
I don’t actually
Need that lifeguard
To bring me up,
I need that cheerleader
To encourage me
And keep me going.
Remind me that
Im the best player
On this field
And I am the creator
Of my own mistakes,
So when I am drowning,
I should be the one
To safe myself

I haven’t been able
To make a memory
To taste skin
Or even connect souls
Without the fear
Of what I don’t know.
There hasn’t been
Lips I’ve kissed
That can compare
To the passion
We shared.
An imprint left
So deep
I can still feel
Your exhale
Softly on my neck
Each and every time
I close my eyes.

I became a writer
And then that writer
Became a thinker
And then that thinker
Began to question
Things I never
Truly understood before.
Like how
People
Only truly listen
When nothing
Is no longer being said.