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Mar 2019 · 88
my turn to be the joker
Randelle Mar 2019
listen carefully although i usually have nothing important to say.
     only a stupid story about this low key performer struggling to get laid.

  his date looked disappointed when she discovered his puny ***** and knew there wasn't much he could do to enter-tain-her.

  He appeared to be a stand up guy displaying some genuine feminine traits.  

   Nothing special about this act  there wasn't an applause not really even worth a few moans basic and bland not much of a crowd-please-her.

  A 60 sec session of hide the pickle minus 30 sec he wasted making sure he was in the right place.

  Any audience would have felt pity for a man of his class with limited experience , lack of energy , no variety described best as being plain.

Switching roles might help when he is on stage or spooning his more masculine companion practicing one line-hers.
Mar 2019 · 73
the worst ugly side
Randelle Mar 2019
You can be the most loving and gentle man i have ever known, but not so much here lately. You have this other side to you consumed by addiction. The good side of you is losing by a long shot and exposing the worst ugly side of you gradually. Selfish, inconsiderate,hurtful in so many ways. Solely being motivated by then need for one more line.  Pushing me aside and destroying our love by abandoning me for the one thing that really gets you high. Shutting me out because you don't want to listen to me tell you how your actions are damaging me. Little by  little , piece by piece you are tearing me down and with every time i'm learning to hate you with each passing day. Self absorbed ***** that tries to turn the tables on me. A coward that runs from conversations with meaning because expressing feelings are scary. I've made you aware that this kind of life is not the life i want indefinitely. So you tell me you'll try and in a blink of an eye change your mind. Then abruptly discarding me cause losing me is better than feeling guilty during high times. Something dark is now living in your soul, the man i love is gone possibly never to return. You have never been so cruel, you have never tried so hard to hurt me so viciously. Where is the man that loved me effortlessly and made me his main concern. Now your drifting in time , nothing but a hollow entity. all that remains of you is an unworthy poor excuse for what use to be a genuinely good man. Please explain what i ever did to deserve you to demean me with such devices and triggering me to doubt myself intensively. admittedly i have let my emotions get the best of me, yes i have said hurtful things and i have questioned your motives and expressed insecurities. I've lost my patience and began to feel i couldn't trust or depend on you for much of anything yet through the havoc with you I stand. Almost convinced i might just be crazy because why am i still trying to love the shell of who you used to be and hurting me intentionally to feed your own narcissistic tendencies.
i
Mar 2019 · 89
save a soul.
Randelle Mar 2019
If only you could have a chance to perceive the man i see a man  deserving of much more then he allows himself ,  dreaming of  magic  because she would find a way to grant you a long glimpse through the eyes look unto you.

     A fierce ,strong,gentle,kind creature with an abundance of love to supply to this dull world ,  Genuine and sincere overly terrified of what life has in store.

    If only he gave himself a fighting chance and  eventually breaking free from the chains confining him to this fantasy he made  to cope with reality , surrounded by the cold callus walls of his very own tomb.

    A shy,timid,innocent boy who's inner child is  held captive and  bound to an existence filled with what is defined as  cruel behaviors called trauma , at the hands of the ones he gave his trust they must have been monsters to do such things without a spec of humanity or remorse.

    A man in desperate need of love  yet absolutely unwillingly to accept she could love him completely, he fortified his heart behind what he thinks is  impenetrable armor while claiming to accept love the best he can.

    A trapped soul yearning to be emancipated from the nightmares haunting the ability to feel alive and causing him to forget the hurt , Lowering the veil that covers up his past wounds with the empty spaces that were created when his memory detached.

    Forcing distance ,fearing everyone ,viewing all as a  potential threat ,denying himself any chance to satisfy his needs , rendering her powerless and incapable of the skills needed to help save a soul with deep scars created by what he holds behind the  different masks.

   Her only desire is to remain at his side throughout it all reaching out for him praying  that he extends his reach back  , sparks ignite while palm in palm they meet with a firm grip of his unsure hand.

  One can only hope that one day he will finally know what it means to have self love and a sense of worthiness , wishing he finds something he can hold onto much like an anchor ,something constant he will want to keep for eternity.

   Offering unwavering support consistently at his side never giving up, it's all she could  ever want or dream of doing for the man she loves this immensely.

   One girl is willing to offer so much for a man she believes is amazing in every way , sacrificing her own happiness temporarily for what she swears she feels in her core.

  Defending what she knows is buried within lonely eyes of a man terrified to accept love , She craves the man buried in the depths of his mind she is confident he's worth all she has to offer because he is the one she has come to adore.

  The kind of love forged with outstanding strength and the deepest compassion facing the  pain  together and leaving an imprint of their tears , meanwhile without fail protecting memories of a not so easy time.

   The anchor granted him the will to endure tragedy with strength and discipline which made it possible to defeat what hindered him from a better life ,  Revealing fragments of the past making a path that was carved during the journey of a great love and one mans courage to face what he needs to so he can finally see the light.
Feb 2019 · 119
Emotions
Randelle Feb 2019
https://m.facebook.com/notes/randelle-nicole-rowe/emotions/772725012769434/
Feb 2019 · 87
Chaos
Randelle Feb 2019
https://m.facebook.com/notes/randelle-nicole-rowe/chaos/674361882605748/
Feb 2019 · 127
I use to be
Randelle Feb 2019
https://m.facebook.com/notes/randelle-nicole-rowe/i-have-come-so-far-from-the-person-i-use-to-be/647350151973588/
Feb 2019 · 69
Starting over
Randelle Feb 2019
https://m.facebook.com/notes/randelle-nicole-rowe/starting-over/235213099853964/
Feb 2019 · 85
I never
Randelle Feb 2019
https://m.facebook.com/notes/randelle-nicole-rowe/i-never/130956323612976/
Feb 2019 · 72
Trying
Randelle Feb 2019
https://m.facebook.com/notes/randelle-nicole-rowe/trying/144509415591000/
Feb 2019 · 73
You show me a love
Randelle Feb 2019
You show me a love better then I could dream. The kind of love that I was made to believe i would always be unworthy.
Carefully building me up holding me together at the seams. You are the best thing to ever happen to me surely. Insecure and sometimes not so easy. I over analyze things and feel unreasonable feelings. Everyday that we share I grow more confident causing my insecurities to drastically decrease. You show me that I am worthy of being loved and open to ultimately healing.  A love that I finally feel I will be secure. A love that always feels like home as long as I'm with you. A love that is genuine from the heart and seemingly pure. A love that I feel in my core is going to be true. I know you love and want me. I know that it is you that i love and want completely.
Feb 2019 · 61
Beautiful chaos
Randelle Feb 2019
The way I have been lately is a bit like a hurricane. Uncertainty bringing chaos right along beside me unintentionally. In the moment I am nothing like girl I use to be. Everyday needs to be a day that time is  dedicated to much less worry, letting go of the past and the feelings hindering me, and focus energy building myself up so I can feel worthy in the present and have faith in what is and trust that you won't leave me.
Feb 2019 · 56
Steering from destruction
Randelle Feb 2019
Noone to blame for what may come the next day ; only the person who is  responsible for what ever decisions made yesterday. Here's to hoping for better days and personal gain. Tired of letting things I shouldn't feel and the irrational fears taking the wheel and driving right into my very own self fulfilling prophecy. Deciding I'm taking back what is mine and asserting my control to let the things unknown to me remain what they are a mystery hopefully with the same  great people living it with me.
Feb 2019 · 72
We all fall
Randelle Feb 2019
My judgement is cloudy , my thoughts are not letting me sleep soundly. My fears are catching up to me, trust has been something I don't give out so easy. My days are darker and my nights are a lot longer, all the things i have been through have broken me and I'm struggling at becoming any stronger. Inside I'm screaming, inside I am barely breathing. I put a smile on my face and I try to hold it together, but I feel so alone waiting for it to get better. Only trying to believe what I feel and what I see, grasping onto what's left of my reality.  Sometimes the happiest ones don't seem happy at all, even the strongest one have times that they fall.
Feb 2019 · 55
The struggles
Randelle Feb 2019
The struggles she's been through have made it hard to live happily. They've held and hold her back at times preventing her from moving forward at a steady pace.
  The struggles have taught her to be strong , but it comes with a very high cost. She has built a fortress around her heart hoping No one gets too close. Although she wants so bad too be able to let somebody in. She may be subconsciously pushing away the one man who is trying so hard to help her back on her feet. He is at her side and loving her oh so patiently.
   Even when the waves come crashing in at full force, he is still right there with an undeniable strength. The waves continually knocking her over,the pressure with each wave so devastating its hindering her ability to breathe.
   All the while he is still placing her soundly onto her feet,the waves not even appearing too make him slightly weak at the knees.
   Never giving up on her although it has to be undoubtedly exhausting. His stature never letting that show, also never failing to prove the value of his consistency.
    Encouraging her to push and shove her way through all the chaos that this cruel world has for her along the way. She is becoming more aware of who this man is and all the efforts he makes and the worth of the words he speaks to her letting her know he is there to stay.
   Truth of the matter is without him in her life these struggles would've been the anchor bound to make her sink.The internal war she faces is a war she cannot face alone. She just wishes he truly knew just how much she needs and wants him at her side,  for he is expressing to  her an epic love amongst many remains unknown.
    She will forever be grateful for everything this one man has been offering nothing but his complete honesty, his gentle touch,maintaining the patience she needs.
   the way he makes her all her problems seem to fade, and the way he never ceases to make her laugh or put a smile on this broken girls face. Letting her know she can count on him to be there even through extremes.The one that is around to protect and support her ensuring her heart's safe.
Feb 2019 · 79
Insecurities
Randelle Feb 2019
What the hell goes on in this jumbled up mess I call my mind? Racing thoughts and obsurd notions. The things I fear the most working their way into the deepest,darkest corners they can find. Afraid to be hurt all over again and being the one that has to sort through the unbearable emotions.
  Am I really this damaged that I can't believe that I am somebody worth loving?  I know you are someone I can trust, a haunting voice forces itself inside my head warning me to trust nothing.
  You have been a rock standing firmly in any given time of need. Somehow I am still scared that one day you will leave.The insecurities always creeping in. I try my best to push them aside cause this time I refuse to let them win. The biggest part of me is screaming  stop being afraid. The other voice is telling me he wont love me forever,eventually it will fade. I try not to listen but it inevitably makes it's way. I try to ignore it but the sound lingers and stays. I want to love and trust with out limits. I want to let you in, open up completely but I fear you won't like the image.
    You touch me and I can feel it is real. You reassure me when I ask you if you are sure about the way you feel. You have no reason to lie about me making you happy or wanting me in your life. You may not want to be alone but you know how to endure the lonely night. Still I cant stop feeling like I will never be enough.  All because the bitter past has made me feel as such. I just want to love and be loved completely. Nothing holding me back just letting true love In ever so freely.

— The End —