I am already dead,
I tell them what they want to hear
I’m fine, thank you.
I love you
They assume that I am gushing,
Overflowing with love
But, am i?
I frighten them away,
I know that I shall act honourably
They know too, don’t they?
That I am a spaz
A dead spaz
But why didn’t you say?
Are you feeling better now?
Yes, I’m fine thank you
Look, I’m naked again,  
I cannot speak,
I cannot walk
I cannot go
I cannot come
I am inspirational, unoperational,
Sensational, creational
And
I am already dead
What a relief.

Who am I doing all this for,
Now that I am reaching the end?
I just want it to be quick;
No Huckleberry Friend.

I took you in my arms,
They knew your shape so well,
But I am not the man I was,
I am an empty shell.

I want to make a move
But you pat a message on my back,
So I stand easy
And wait for the dial to turn black.

I see ahead the end of the path;
There is nowhere else to go,
No cosy spot in which to rest,
I hope that it is not too slow.

Birds wheel and clatter in the air,
Dark against the morning sky,
I want to hear the applause,
Not listen to them cry.

Now that it is almost over,
I ponder what has gone before.
No answer to the question,
Who am I doing all this for?

I stepped on the cobbles

leading to your garden gate.

you stood up

in a blue dress

I returned your wave.

home,

I felt I was coming home.

we arrived at the gate at the same time.

your open face,

full of smiles and wonder,

greeted me.

I entered your house made of wood.

I entered your soul.

the floorboards creaked

it was as if the house was sighing.

we talked in circles

you pulled the curtain aside.

your dog was asleep.

the floor was covered in grey

I took off my clothes

you photographed me.

you put on your slip,

stood behind me

and clicked

then it was over.

you invited me to walk with you and your dog.

I declined.

I left,

I did not look back

until now.

I understand

everything,

but me.

I confess that I do not know
The way to get to where I am to go
But there will be light and darkness
And warriors and dancers
Who will know the music in my heart
That says that I love you.

I confess that I do not care
Which persons will be there
To mourn my final breath.
What is life but waiting for death?
What is life but a time to dare
To love you


I confess that I did not laugh
At the strange things that littered the path
Through the time which I have been given,
A time when all the answers were hidden
The answers to the question
Why do I love you?

I confess that I shall not cry
When I know that I am to die
Because then shall I know for sure
What lives in my deepest core;
It is the only thing that matters
The love I feel for you.

Gosh! So many possibilities!


..............so what are the probabilities?
That roses bloom in Summer
And fill a secret vase
Kept out of sight?
That the tide comes in and goes out
That we shout our names across the sand
As we lie together in the grass
And kiss each other on the ****?
Oh the farce of it all.
I think I am circling you
But you stand and watch from the outer wall
As I fail and fall (with grace)
One day we shall share a glance
Just one look in the direction of France,
C’est moi, say moi, says I
As I look up to the sky
And turn to the left, no to the right,
Look ahead, eyes closed, open, shut.
It is not enough,
We swing, we sway, we sing, we play
At the possibilities
Whilst the roses fade away
Only to rise again another summer’s day
And another
And another
And another…….

You sat in the bar,
Close to me
Too close for comfort
You left with me
Wearing the green jacket
You wore that day
When you took off your clothes
And joined me in the sea
You said goodbye
I said see you soon
When you asked
Soon I said
I want to see you soon
I want to lie next to you
Too close for comfort
Naked in bed
It cannot be
It cannot be
It will have to remain
A fantasy

I want to lie on my floor
With you.
I want to talk to you
About Kings and Queens,
The castles they live in
The places they have seen.
I want suddenly to see in your eyes
The love that disappeared long ago
The love we no longer know.
I want you to want me to kiss your hips
To lick your lips
To sing you a song from a famous musical
And to confuse it all
With happiness.
Where does love go after it has been lost?
Does it squeeze between the books on a shelf
Is it lifted into the branches of a tree
Where it waits by itself
To drop on to a passer-by
Or does it disappear for ever
Like the beggar you no longer meet.
No.
It stays in your heart,
Standing in line
Waiting for the time
When we shall love again
Please spare me the pain
Let me die before you commit ******
I would have preferred a
More peaceful end
My friend
The moon, a river
A feather,
A pillow,
You,
And me.