The feast was over.
I struggled to my feet,
Feeling strangely satisfied
With how little I had said at the table.
I had watched my children
Represent me, not with my knowledge
But with their own,
Gleaned from their experiences, not mine.
It was comforting to realise
How well they shall cope without me.
I sunk into the armchair,
The leather one by the fire,
I dreamed of knights in armour,
Fighting in a foreign wood.
I awoke to silence in my house;
No warriors here -
Only a mute stillness
Which demanded to be broken.
Slowly, I made my way
Into every room in my heart
And discovered each of them in turn,
Concerned in some important trivia.
They smiled as they were disturbed
And yet still no sound.
As I asked the question,
A soft call from a distant point
Grew louder, gently, gently.
I felt a hand on my shoulder;
I opened my eyes.
You.
It was you.

We shall meet under a lamp post,
You and I,
As in the old movies of another time.
No-one else shall be there,
To witness our conversation,
We shall draw our overcoats around us,
Against the cold and we shall hasten to
A pub and find seats beside the open fire.
We shall drink whisky
And talk as we have never done before,
Looking deep into each other’s eyes,
Full of understanding and love,
Another whisky, a double maybe,
Followed by stories of our youth,
Tales full of laughter and joy.
One more whisky for the road
And then we shall help each other
With our coats
And with a dramatic bow
And a shout of “All for one and one for all!”
We shall stagger giggling into the night leaning against each other.
We shall stop under the light of the lamp post
Where you will take hold of my lapels,
Draw me towards you and kiss my lips.
You shall smile and I shall smile.
“Au revoir, mon ami”
You shall say as I watch as you walk away.
You don’t look back,
Why should you?
You know all the answers now.
You shall wait patiently for your family to follow
And, until those days arrive,
You will visit them in their dreams,
With words of comfort and wisdom and wit,
Causing them to wonder how they can dream of sadness
And yet awake with a smile and a light heart.
You know.
You know that your body no longer has life
But you, the essence of you, will live forever
Fuelled by something which shall never die,
Needs no explanation – love.

They smiled their warm welcome,
I was safe, secure, again.
They held my hands firmly
They called me by my name

Called me back in time
To when I did not need to think
When I stood on the edge
They called me from the brink

This is the power I have lost;
No-one needs my advice.
Aviva cares for me,
Holds me in its tender vice.

I have no need to wriggle free;
Why should I want to leave?
It is only now in the dark
That for my loss I grieve.

I smile, I am happy
But I know nothing more.
I have lost the strength of the working man
I have shut my office door.

They smile, they are happy;
They keep me safe from harm,
They hold my hands tight,
They smother me with charm.

I smile, I am happy
But not as I used to be -
Then I was strong, human,
Living my life ruthlessly

I gave no thought to weakness
Neither yours nor mine
I smiled, I was happy,
In another time.

A pipe stands
In the corner of a small courtyard
Bounded by a low wall
It overlooks a lawn
Which runs down to a pond
Filled with sticky lumps of frog spawn
Newts dart out from under leaves
And with slithery darts of their tongues
They catch and swallow their prey

The pond is cradled by a path
Which leads up to a thicket of oak trees
The fruit of which crumbles and crunches
Under our boots as we skip and jump
To the swings,
It is dusk now and with whoops of laughter
We run through the gate
Just before it is locked shut by the park keeper
Who smiles and says goodnight
Boiled eggs under felt cosys
Await with toasted, buttered soldiers
We chuckle at The Clitheroe Kid,
Oak leaves and grass stick to the bath
As the water gurgles away.
One by one each of us stands
On the wooden box next to the sink
Swaddled with warm towels
As we brush our teeth
I pull on my pyjamas
A song plays in my head
‘What do you want if you don’t want money?’
The sheets are cold but the heavy blankets bring warmth
And a sense of safety as the music in my head
Lulls me to sleep
“What do you want….
…if you don’t want dough?”

I wake in the night
My legs are stiff with age
I turn in my bed
And I remember
A tear drops on to my pillow
My body sinks as again sleep overtakes me
The dream is over now
But the song continues
“Wish you wanted my love baby…..”

In the morning,
I have forgotten that I was….
That I was……….where was it, now?
No, it’s gone.
Never mind,
One day, I may go there again

There is a lone rider in the sky
I have never seen his face
But late at night,
I hear the ring of his spurs
As he urges his steed forward, forward.
He used never to be on his own
There used to be riders by the score
But his companions have disappeared, one by one
Until only this man and his horse remain
Listen.
I hear the ring of the spurs again
This time it falls more softly upon my ear
I look up
As the evening approaches
It is becoming darker
Not so easy to see
The lone rider in the sky
Listen.
There is no sound.
Look.
Both man and animal have gone.

Put away those thoughts,
Those thoughts of what could be,
Lock them in a cupboard,
Throw away the key.

This is as much a command to me
As it is a polite request to you.
Let us rewind the tape;
Let us start anew.

I regret the words I wrote,
Seduction is a crime,
It fractures beating hearts;
It would break yours and mine.

Let us draw back,
Not to hearts of stone
But to the purity of art,
Not skin and bone.

And when we meet again,
As we shall surely do,
You will smile at me
And I shall smile at you.

“Who are you?”
asked the mighty King,
As he watched the man
Kneel before him naked and in chains.

“I am what you might have been”
said the man.
“And what is that, may I ask?”
“I am a man free of obligation,
Free to walk about the country,
Without question,
Free to dance naked in the street”

“How are you able to do these things
What of your chains?”
enquired the king.
“It is because of these chains
That I have been given the opportunity
To do what I do”
answered the man
“I used to be like you;
A powerful monarch
Reigning over all that I saw before me”

The king thought for a while
And then he smiled
“I know what to do.
I shall free you from your chains
And allow you to continue as you always done”

“And what of you?” asked the man.
“I shall continue to do what I have always done” replied the king
“And what is that?”
“My duty”

“Would you not prefer to live like me?”
The king looked down at the man
As his chains were taken from him
“Too many questions” he said
“You are free  - go!”