Here I am crying - having thoughts about how you could have just been an alcoholic & I was just yet another bottle .
How I know you're ******* me over yet I stay & love you unconditionally .
I just guess I'm in denial of the fact that you've hurt me once & still know you could be hurting me - cheating & lying.
Everyday you tell me 'you love me' but never is there a day you'll show your love & affection by doing the sweetest and simplest things such as calling me on the phone or even telling the world I'm yours . I guess I’m just a question that would hurt for you to answer.
I deserve your apologies for a lifetime but you don't definitely don't deserve me , my forgiveness nor  my love .  My heart made an excuse for why I should stay .
I can't keep crying for a love I deserve. I promised I'd never let somebody break me like you did but ironically I've been breaking myself by staying throughout this journey .
Here I know I can write you love letters you don't deserve because I'm no longer addicted to the possibilty of us 'forever' At least I got some heart-wrenching stories out of it.
You formed yourself into my habit, like daily tea cups , your absence made my heart grow its own flowering garden.  

But one thing I always remember ; Your heart isn’t meant to beat for anyone but yourself.

you are always ticking inside of me & I dream of you more often than I don't.
I want you to know you secretly inspire me like the stars do to a dreamer & the moon does to the sea.
You're my morning stretch , my evening calm. My profane rhyme , my secret psalm , my definition of felicity - the part of me , apart from me....
you make me happy.

I want so badly to protect you from the world because I know all too well how bad it can be.

I wanna be the reason you continue to breathe , the reason you try smile , the reason you try be positive and as much as we both going through our own fuxked up mess , I wanna be your mess and maybe you can be mine.

You're the epitome of love - the greatest definition.

I love you - don't think I say it out of habit , I've learnt all too well that love is not just a word or phrase used.

It's an abstract object that combines two souls that groove together , & that other soul is yours.

I don't know a perfect person , however I know a flawed person worth loving.  

I call you love as if it's your first name , because to my eyes you are the essence of it.

Like do you ever just look at me & say well I'm **** lucky to have you ? Probably not I'm too weird , anyway well I do that with you all the time. I just lay thinking about you every night. I could talk to you all day. We wouldn't even have to say anything to each other really. I crave your touch to the point that my body tenses up for a few seconds. I crave you in general. I don't know what I'd be like without you or where I'd be. You make me so angry when you don't reply after 10 seconds.  You make me feel all I need in my life is you (which isn't really true for anyone in reality) but however you're a big part of me, who I am , & who I wanna become. You mold me. You've shaped me into a person who has things to be proud of. You bring so much happiness into my life I quite often ask myself what did I do to deserve it. I'll never get tired of you. Your flaws are what make you perfect. Everything you do is so unflawed to me. I respect you & your hustle.  I'll be there for you through rags & riches. They're always like "be somebody's Sunday not Saturday Night". You my angel, are my 7 days a week , 24 hours a day 365 days a year. You're just always there. You love me & all my broken pieces even if at times they cut you , you love that scar it gives you too.   Loving you will never get old. But even if it does I'll  find a way to start loving you all over again .... ♡.

I want to know how many scars

you have and memorize the shape

of your tongue.

I want to climb the curve of your

lower back

   And count your vertebrae

                      Your ribs

                      Your fingers

                      Your goosebumps.

I want to chart the topography of your anatomy and be fluent in your body language.

And all of sudden . She changed.        She came back a completely different person.  With A new mindset , A new outlook , A new soul.

The girl that once cared way too much. About everyone & everything.

No longer cared at all.