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89 · Feb 2023
N/A
Richard Graydon Feb 2023
N/***
I could have done better,
No I should have done better.
Your beautiful lies play mean
tricks on my gullible mind.
Once more, I’ll believe you.

How pathetic am I?
A shell of expectation,
A wish on a dead star.
I’m sorry that I led you on
Into the darkness even I dared not enter.

Pay no mind for tomorrow.
The sun won’t rise for me anymore
A final selfish apology, this time I mean it.
Once more, please believe me.
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87 · Sep 2019
Who Cares?
Richard Graydon Sep 2019
Who Cares?
I promised to never do something like this again.
However I sunk into a low like that once more.
I feel the pit in my stomach again
I forget wether it’s blood or tears dripping
In the end who cares
Not me.
After a long break and a new time high I fall again. Sometimes I wonder wether I’m good enough. Well I guess I’ll never know.
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86 · Apr 2022
Cold Room
Richard Graydon Apr 2022
Cold Room
I pulled down the lights,
Lifted off the posters.
Removed my name from my home.
No more, are warm nights,
Or alcohol stained coasters.
I sit by the door, alone.
Taking down my decorations for my university provided accommodation.
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85 · Nov 2021
Holliday
Richard Graydon Nov 2021
Holliday
Concrete hallways guide forever,
Doors to doors, empty rooms.
The quiet hum of ventilation,
The silent loss of consciousness.
Fear what’s behind, don’t look!
Forget the breathing, on your back.
That wasn’t a touch, you can’t feel.
Fun!
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85 · Mar 2020
Untitled #53
Richard Graydon Mar 2020
Untitled #53
If I disappeared today, would you wonder?
What way, I walked to the thunder.
If I went tomorrow, would you cry?
Would it fill you with sorrow, and ask why I try.

If you knew what I wanted, what I live for
You would be haunted, by what you saw.
I live to die, and I’m dying to live,
What I try, I don’t want to misgive.

My trust is nothing, trampled over,
So I was trusting, that you be my point prover
The one to push me, finally over the *****
Don’t worry, I’ll buy my own rope.
This was inspired by a speech my “friends” made saying that I needed more independence. However what they did not know was that I spend most of my time by myself. Muh Independence
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84 · Sep 2020
Ghost Tears
Richard Graydon Sep 2020
Ghost Tears
Ghost droplets, after storms you remain,
Why? I can’t explain.
Perhaps to remember those lost in vain.
Just one more time.
I thought of this a while back after a heavy shower storm. It stopped raining but you could feel tiny droplets so I called them ghost droplets.
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84 · Sep 2020
Too Much Time.
Richard Graydon Sep 2020
Too Much Time.
I spend too much time thinking.
The Thorn hidden by the Rose,
And I act like it’s not me.
It’s petals mask a deadly secret,
I am not free, more time drinking.
For those foolish enough to touch,
I spend too much time drinking.
The red Rose stained warm,
And I act like I’m sane.
It’s petals laugh in the wind,
I am just a pain, more time thinking.
And it lives another day,
I spend too much time thinking.
The Rose that hides the Thorn,
I like it’s not me.
A deadly secret masked by petals,
I am free, more time drinking.
For those who touch are foolish enough,
I spend too much time drinking.
The warmth cooled red,
And I like I’m sane.
In the wind petals laugh,
I am a pain, more time thinking.
For another day, it lives.
I tried writing one poem and then putting a second inside it that sorta fits and I works at times but not at others. I also tried to use punctuation to mark which part of the poem it belongs to but maybe I’m making the reader out to be more stupid than I think. Oh well. C’est la vie.
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83 · Sep 2021
Shot
Richard Graydon Sep 2021
Shot
Purple fills the shot,
Sweet, Bitter, enjoyable pain
The sting, The rush, The high, The push
The fall, The ride, The haul, The lie
Purple is the shot,
A façade of what was;
Sting,Rush,High,Push,Fall,Ride,Haul,Lie
Purple fills the hole
a continuous flowing.
My new friends, if they are actually friends, said they liked some of my poems, but now I’m not even sure if they were genuine or being kind.
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83 · Jul 2020
You
Richard Graydon Jul 2020
You
Just staring at my heaven,
While you idly sat by.
I could not understand why,
As I cried till eleven

Just singing my little ballade,
While you gently swayed.
I couldn’t help but feel betrayed
As I thought of you

Just thinking of what I done,
While you calmly laughed.
I could not sit and just draft,
As I died a little.

Just dreaming of lives to be,
While you drifted from me.
I couldn’t see why you didn’t know
All I want is you.
I don’t know where this came from but I’m gonna lie and say I wrote it for someone to give to their crush.
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81 · Aug 2021
Not Today
Richard Graydon Aug 2021
Not Today
Grey walls surround the world;
A dull, dimmed, damp view.
The feeling of entrapment passes me,
My neutrality fuels the madness.
The walls bled together,
their shade shifts around.
Rain falls upon my eyes,
the tears streak alone.
Today was not my day;
nor will tomorrow be.

I hope, wait, pray,
for the sun to come and play.
I don’t have many extreme feelings or emotions right now. I just feel mild and neutral and I try to express that through the poem.
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80 · Oct 2020
SO SAD
Richard Graydon Oct 2020
SO SAD
My life is just the worst,
All my pains, I feel like I’ll burst!
I’m not the genius I once was,
And I’ve learned many flaws!
Doesn’t that sound awful.
It’s like I’ve ripped out my heart and offal!
Her, my crush doesn’t recognise my love.
The bread I had was taken by a dove!
Mom and Dad don’t love me,
And I’m not who I thought I’d be!

But in the end,
oh well,
C’est la vie!
This is my attempt at writing something satirical, and in particular it’s satire on my view of the world. I tend to see the most minor of inconveniences as huge problems and they tend to bring down the importance of other problems in my life, but then at the same time I brush them off by saying “C’est la vie”, “that’s life for ya”. So ultimately I don’t know what the poem is meant to be about.
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80 · Sep 2020
The thoughts of Birds
Richard Graydon Sep 2020
The thoughts of Birds
The bird flys free,
And the wind lets him be.
To stop such pretty,
That would be a pity.

This air blows fresh,
Our sun warms my wing mesh.
But the moon rises,
With his cold dark prize.

My moon brings sorrow,
For pain hides in the shadow.
To walk towards death,
Is a fool’s wise tale.

The morning sun sings,
But only to an empty thing.
The hopes of birds
Are only empty words.
I wrote this during a psychology lesson on schizophrenia so I don’t know what that says about my work ethic or interest.
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78 · Jul 2020
The End
Richard Graydon Jul 2020
The End
As the violence of life drifts away
And there is nothing left to say
I hope we were worth it
And I’m glad we didn’t quit

As the shimmer of light fizzles out
And there’s nothing left to cry about
I hope we can watch again
And I’m happy with you then

As the kiss of warmth fades cold
And there’s nothing left but the old
I hope we don’t forget time
As I wish you were mine.
This all started because I was listening to some remixes of classical music and I heard one of Clair de Lune by Debussy and I said I hope this is what plays at the death of the universe blah blah. Basically this is me trying to describe the death of the final white dwarf, the person who the narrator refers to can be interpreted as a lover or as the final star which is why I like the poem.
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78 · Oct 2020
Blue.
Richard Graydon Oct 2020
Blue.
I’m drunk and emotional, what about you?
I just can’t stop, how do you?
The point is beautiful, why are you?
Through all my stuff, there stands you.
My light that holds, the one that knows me.
I only wish you were true.
So this low quality poem was written after I downed most of the out of date alcohol in my house, and crying for 10 minutes. Uhh it’s not the best, but I think that’s characteristic of me by now, so imma say that’s my style.
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76 · Apr 2020
Dear Mr.Whoever
Richard Graydon Apr 2020
Dear Mr.Whoever
Dear Mr. Whoever read this,
I just wanna say, I’m feeling lost and scared.
Because I’m at a challenge and I can’t miss,
And it’s hard for me, because she cared.
But you know, I feel like I can’t go on,
It’s not her, but what’s knocking upstairs
I love her, but it’s hard cuz I feel like a thorn,
**** it. I don’t even know if she cares.
All I feel is blank, constantly drained
But I know that she sees me strong
And I can’t fail her, but it’s always just rained
And the ground is slippy, Aren’t I wrong
She just sees me strangely
And she loves that I’m here
But I’m sure she would rearrange me
And not blink If I disappear.
This is about my new experience in life. I found someone who claims to like me very much, but I can never shake the feeling, no matter how small it is, that this is all a joke. That I’m going to be the laughing stock. Oh well. C’est la vie
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76 · May 2020
Separate
Richard Graydon May 2020
Separate
Detached, like a house without a door,
With no light, and no safety.
Riches of life, make him so poor,
The tough giants, fall to the crazy.
Broken dreams. Tell no lies.
A chipped statue, mirror shattered,
Our river flows, the sun rises.
Knight disappears, nothing mattered.
Now you.
Ehh. Girl problems. Lol.
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71 · Feb 2020
You don’t know me
Richard Graydon Feb 2020
You don’t know me
You don’t know me,
So don’t compare what’s in my head.
To what I do, my actions are only true
When I’m laying in bed.

You don’t know,
So don’t tell me what’s right.
And say I’m wrong, I know where I belong
It only exists at night.

You don’t,
So don’t tell me I can’t.
All I do is try, so don’t laugh when I cry
And tell me this isn’t what you want.

You,
I don’t hate you.
So don’t say you hate me,
You don’t know what’s true.
Is this good. I’ve lost all real critics. I need to know how to improve
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70 · Sep 2021
Waves
Richard Graydon Sep 2021
Waves
Jagged rocks await the crash,
Sea salt sits stubbornly in the air.
I peer hoping for a rush.
White noise chokes the brain;
blank stares fill the view.
Nothing changes.
White
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68 · Feb 2020
Look away
Richard Graydon Feb 2020
Look away
Look away, avert your gaze
If you don’t, you’ll be staring at my grave
It’s not your fault, I’m not in pain
I just can’t live like this, I’m always drained
My end won’t be flashy, maybe a bit ******
So please stay, just look away
What you’ll feel for a moment
Is what I’ve endured
So there’s no excuse for tears.
My poems used to come from a place of violet emotions, but now that’s gone I feel empty
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66 · Aug 2020
Darkness
Richard Graydon Aug 2020
Darkness
I got nothing. All I have is:
I scream into the void, wanting answers.
But I hear, not what I want, Darkness dances
I really want to be good at poetry, really just so I have something to shove in the face of my English teacher who didn’t believe in me. Well this came from me and a friend talking to a stranger online about insanity and what it is. So I decided to take out 30 minute conversation and condense it into a poem however I don’t know how to, and I got stuck on the third line. So I showed them this and I think it’s okay. It shows the final steps I take before giving up.
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63 · Feb 2020
Untitled #46
Richard Graydon Feb 2020
Untitled #46
It’s pretty clear I’m hopeless,
Well I say that because I’ve lost all senses,
I can’t tell what’s right,
Since I don’t live in the light.
All I do is keep resisting

I look into my distance,
And don’t see my death,
Just a hollow boy, my soul had left.
I’ve just gotten bored,
Please forgive me Lord

But I’ve disgraced your life,
So I’m punished with this strife,
I am just a mockery,
It fills me with joy that no one stops me,
So I can drift away softly
Would someone mind suggesting a title for this poem. I don’t like that it is untitled, but it does bring a sense of ambiguity to the poem’s image
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58 · Aug 2020
My own
Richard Graydon Aug 2020
My own
My hands are not my own.
Perhaps I left them back at home,
On my night stand, all alone,
Where I rest my weary phone.

These fingers are not mine!
They’re cut and bruised. Mine are all fine.
I wonder how I got the time,
I had just sat down for some wine.

I don’t understand what they feel
This was not the deal
I left them to heal
This is a lovely poem yes yes
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53 · Jan 2020
What do I know
Richard Graydon Jan 2020
What do I know
To whom it may concern,
Don’t let numbers define you.
You are much more than a 10
But what do I know?
My liking of you blinds me.  

To whoever is reading this,
Don’t let people walk over you.
You have a higher value than you give yourself
But what do I know?
My liking of you confuses me.

To the person this ends up at,
Don’t let words hurt you.
You are much more than just speechless
But what do I know?
My liking of you silences me.

To you, the one reading this,
Don’t let me tell you about you
You are much more than me
All I know is of sorrow and fear,
But my liking of you changes me.
I wrote this for a crush I had a while back and forgot about it. I just find it sweet now.
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— The End —