My my, has it ever been long time since I last wrote.

Much has changed in this time.

Its fun looking back on past poems and seeing how far we’ve all come.

But one thing bugs me about all of this: how much I miss those times.

As miserable as we all were, we found comfort in one another in a pact worth it’s weight in gold.

But now its different.

N is one if my favourite people that I’ve ever known, but the woman I’ve sworn my life to wants her gone for good. Why? I’m not sure.

E is just E. Never fails to raise a smile on my face with her wicked and contagious brand of cynicism. But still my forever wants nothing to do with her too. Why? I’m not sure.

It doesn’t matter how often she explains it, it never will make sense. I love these people a great amount. Is that not greater than half-a-decade long squabbles?

Apparently not.

But know this, N and E. I will never stop fighting to keep what we have. Though we may not see each other every single day as we once did, you both are every bit as important to me as you were then.

Too good to be true.
The words now echoe in my head.
If only before, I knew it to be true,
Perhaps I wouldn’t feel so misled.

She came back in to my life,
As quick as she could,
Without a thought,
As to whether she should.

She had me in the clouds,
As light as a feather.
She had captured my attention,
Pretty much all together.

I made her laugh,
She made me smile.
With her brand of awkward, cute, charm,
That never goes out of style.

She said she was all in,
As if it were a gamble.
For once in her life,
She said it without a ramble.

I can’t believe this is happening!
I thought on that night.
Yet, a doubt in mind,
Made me think something wasn’t right.

And sure enough,
Just as the saying goes.
She ran from me again.
Boy, was she quick on her toes.

“No ones perfect, but you’re very close to it.”

Did I seriously just say that to her?!

Help.

Why why why
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
I don’t see you for a few months and I feel a modicum of reality, then I fall into the void again when I see your ******* beautiful face.
What is wrong with me? Do I enjoy pain? Or am I just obsessed with your ridiculously perfect smile? Who is to know.
All I do know, is that I love you as much as I used to, and I ******* hope that changes pretty soon.

The ****** things you said don't make me feel bad,
because I can't miss a friend that I never had.

Tell them, tell them all what I have done.
Tell them all, so that they hate me too.



Then I no longer have to wonder...