Suddenly I’m…
You raise your hand to me
And suddenly I’m 6
Wincing from the pain of my grandfather beating me
But I’m not 6, I’m 20

You call me a problem
And suddenly I’m 7
Being punished by my first teacher for telling the truth
But I’m not 7, I’m 20

You say I should skip a meal
And suddenly I’m 8
Starving for a weekend because my stepmother wouldn’t feed me
But I’m not 8, I’m 20

You say we’re not that close
And suddenly I’m 9
Not allowed to hold my baby sister by my stepmother
But I’m not 9, I’m 20

You shut me out
And suddenly I’m 10
Locked in my room for days by my stepmother
But I’m not 10, I’m 20

You yell at me
And suddenly I’m 12
Shaking from the fear of my stepfather screaming at me
But I’m not 12, I’m 20

You use me for ***
And suddenly I’m 13
Being ***** in the only place I felt safe
But I’m not 13, I’m 20

You tell me I will fail
And suddenly I’m 14
Being ridiculed by my teachers
But I’m not 14, I’m 20

You tell me I’m not enough
And suddenly I’m 15
Hearing from my father that I’ll ***** it up eventually
But I’m not 15, I’m 20

You tell me I’m not enough
And suddenly I’m 16
Being laughed at by my coaches
But I’m not 16, I’m 20

You say you need space
And suddenly I’m 17
Having my heart torn to pieces for the first time
But I’m not 17, I’m 20

You call me names
And suddenly I’m 18
Being manipulated by my mother
But I’m not 18, I’m 20

You say he’s just a friend
And suddenly I’m 19
Being cheated on for the first time
But I’m not 19, I’m 20

You say we can’t afford it
And suddenly I’m 20
Realizing I can’t afford to live
But I am 20, and 21 seems too hard

I sit alone
Atop my throne
A kingdom of nothing
Towers built on lies
A river of melancholy surrounds my castle
A drawbridge of self-destruction protects the inside
Soldiers adorned in black to defend empty rooms
A massive table barren of nourishment for an empty belly
One chair
An extravagant bedroom
One king
Desperate for rest
He sleeps and wakes more lethargic than before
Dragging his feet through failures
Decrees from the highest place
One day we will thrive
But all his advisors, his subjects, servants and supporters

Are gone

You're not made of roses
Why can't you be easy
Is it perfect or broken
Why can't you need me

To your needs I molded
You just try to appease me
But my cards aren't folded
******* look and you'll see me

It's almost always good
So why am I hurting
You leave me in fear
I'm so sure heartbreak's lurking

Just love like the others
I am not your chore
Your head under covers
Why can't you give more

I can break my own heart now
Thoughts of you put it together again
Wasn't sure of want living was
But now I know how

You're wildflowers in a country meadow
A ray of sunlight through cloudy skies
It never rains
A waterfall over a lover's grotto

I still don't sleep
How could I
There are simply too many words to describe
This feeling deep

Assurance
Warmth
FREEDOM

being tied to another
not just one
tethered to your love
breaks the chains of fear
of doubt
of shame

Your name give me wings
You're every bit of sugar in my tea
I'll scream your name till it rings
Till it echos in the wind

Love or
leave me
dear God won't you reprieve me

Build me up
break me down
some things are easier when you're not around

I'm defeated
I'm tired
my thoughts uninspired

I've not a bed to sleep in
a cloth to weep in
the reaper comes creepin

I watched every episode of my favorite show intently
I didn't want to miss a minute of my escape from reality
A day of the world I wished I lived in
I listened to every song in my playlist on repeat
I wanted to break my heart enough times to stop healing
A melody of melancholy and dread
I wrote down the most gut-wrenching words I could think of
I needed to voice the pain that coursed through my veins
A pointless exercise as I'm not even clever enough for myself
Why can't the pictures on my screen come to life
Why can't the lyrics make me numb
Why can't the endless words I write down ever come close to showing how I feel
Misunderstanding cuts much deeper than malice
To hurt me you must know me
But to live unknown is a fate worse than death
Dying is easy young man, living is harder

One last kiss
One last dance
I walk this miserable, lonely, dark, grey, awful, life
In a trance
You broke my heart
I broke yours first
I think the memory of my selfishness, greed, lust, disloyalty
Hurts the worst
One day I'll build a home
One without my past life's mess
Even though we've grown apart, distant, away, separately
You'll always be my princess
I hope that one day I'll be given the chance
To give you that deserved romance
But if you had left me yesterday
I can't say I'd blame you anyway