I sit here tortured by the thoughts,
I'll apologize a million times in my head,
I'll tell you once out loud,
You'll say it's fine,
But my mind digs deeper,
Thinking what I did is unforgivable,
I'll tell you that I'm sorry to many times,
The things I have done,
She says she understands,
But my mind keeps going,
She embraces me and whispers,
I love you,
I breakdown,
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

The line from society,
Has been blocked by a fence,
But this fence is different,
This fence is a protector,
The fence is a friend,
The fence even looks a little different,
The fence is blue, purple, red, yellow, and green,
And it's squiggly and not straight,
The fence is a blockade ,
From my house to society.

Age 19- 2018 Graduation from High school

Age 25- 2024 Graduation for physiology

Age 25- 2024 Get a job in physiology, maybe start dating

Age 27- 2026 Maybe I’ll get married

Age 28- 2027 Maybe we will have a child

Age 29- 2028 Maybe we will buy a house with a really heavy mortgage

Age 49- 2048 Maybe our kid would move out

Age 51- 2050 Maybe we will buy a new house

Age 69- 2068 Maybe finally we will be able pay off the mortgage

Age 72- 2071 Maybe I could finally retire

Age 83- 2082 Maybe I will look back and wonder if I am satisfied with what I have done.

I'm going on a plane,
To Lviv Ukraine,
To where my life began,
To where I was forgotten,

To where I was picked up,
I'm going back not for a need to understand where I came from,

But to where it all ended,
To the place that I left behind,
To leave a gift,
For the gifted,

To cement the decision of my parents,
To understand what they saw in me,
To take me half across the world,
To take me home,

So as I stand in front of the door to the place where children shared nothing,
Let alone have anything to share,

I knock on the door and an old lady answrs,
A nun,
I try to speak to her in my deplorable Ukrainian,

But I stop and hand her a letter,
I turn and leave,
I'll know that she would be able to read it,
Because I had my dad write what I had wanted to say to her in Ukrainian,

I left her the address of the hotel I'm staying in,
A day later there's a knock at the door,
The nun walks in ,
I have difficulty understanding her,

But I record what she says to me,
After an hour she finishes talking and gets up to leave,
I ask her to stop,
I walk towards her and say,
Thank you in Ukrainian,
She starts tearing up as she heads out the door.

So America this is the choice you have made,
It's time about time you show the world who you really are,
Instead of making the news for being immature in your riots,
Make the world see the true face of the United States of America,
The one that got its independence on its own,
The ones who would help other peoples problems first before their own,
The ones who end the fights,
Not start them...

So grow up people,
You are the people of the United States of America,
It's time that you accept your decisions,
Rather than kicking and screaming uselessly,
Be proud of what ever,
Be responsible,
Be mature,
Be the America that the rest of the world respects,
Be the pride that the world bows down too,
Be the American dream,
If you don't like someone,
You don't try to kick and scream hoping they will go away,
You talk it over,
Accept your choices,

I'm on my hands and knees,
Blood everywhere,
I being the one that is bleeding,
I try to get up,

But my thoughts return the blows,
This time my ears start to bleed,
I am losing quickly,
I start seeing stars,

I just lye there,
My mind goes for another strike at me,
NO!!!
I scream shooting up,

Scattering my minds blow,
I grab my thoughts and tear them apart,
My weapon,
The thought of my family and their dispair.

I get up out of my bed,
I check myself in the mirror,
Nothing,
I walk out of my room,

I have no scars to show the fight of..... for my life.

I reep my blood,
Yet you are unsatisfied,
The bridges I cross to satisfy my...your thoughts,

The pain I suffer because I...you think of depressing things,
The music I listen to and walk the edge of cliffs,
Yet you push me closer to the edge,

But I can't do it yet,
The music is to loud for now,
I wonder how much longer it will be to loud for,
My doctor gave me more pills to take,

I won't take them,
Afraid I'll purposely overdose on them,