I walk around aimlessly,
Thinking,
"What have I done"
I wonder about,
"What am I now"
As I button my pants up,
"What will I say"
As I look at her,
"I hope she forgives me"
I try to clean up the blood,
"O dear god "
I'm crying as there's a knock at the door,
"Who is it"
I asked in rapid short breaths,
"It's the police, now open up"
I look around and see my escape,
"If you don't unlock this door we'll come in by force"
I run towards the window at full speed,
"1"
I trip over the body,
"2"
Ugh like this day can't get any worse,
"3"
I get back up and run towards the window,
"4"
Crash,
"5"
I'm floating as the railing spins me tearing off limbs every stairwell I hit,
"I think he's jumped sir"
Splat,
At least I won't have to see  her face again,
She smacks me as she stands across from me,
"You  look pretty dead there old lady"
Damb it I still can't get rid of her.

I'm sitting here taking a ****,
Looky right at a roll of ****,
Well at least that's what it wipes off,
I am bored as a car on Sunday that got hit in slow motion,
By a mo-ped,
Good god I am bored as ****,
THIS ISN'T EVEN A ******* POEM!

I am so cold,
In this never forgiving earth,
Hopelessly grasping at strings that dangle from the cliff of life,
I am cold up here,
The sun beats down on me relentlessly,
But I am still cold,
I am asked to stand up straight and be happy as I dangle,
I am scrutinized,
I slip a little,
My hands start to shake from the chill of on setting depression,
I try to mask it by telling myself happy things,
My hands still slipping faster,
As I reach the end of the strings I lose hope,
I feel like I am floating,
I am so happy,
But I am still so, so, so cold.

When I die I want to have one of those really sad funerals,
I heard and seen many different burials,
I want a casket,
I want people to dress in suits that are black,
Anyone who doesn't have one,
Buy one for them,
I want everyone here for my funeral,
I want the whole city to come and see,
I want the whole country to come and see,
I want the whole world to come and see,
But at my funeral it will be just me,
Dead,
Alone,

Seeing is believing,
Seek and you shall receive,
Be kind to one another,
Don't give up,
Be friendly and you will have friends,
Want and you shall have, is what they tell me,


What about if I don't want to see,
What about if I don't want to seek,
What about if I don't want to be kind,
What about if I want to give up,
What about if I don't want to have friends,
What about if I don't want something,
What about if I just want to be alone.

I don't have a mirror,
I don't look at them,
I don't go out,
I don't look at my reflection in the glass of a shop,
I don't look at my phone when it's off,
I don't take pictures,
I have friends,
I have two friends...
I have one friend,
I have teddy bears,
I have one and he's 16 years old,
I am not alone,
I am not alone if there was someone there,
I don't look into mirrors in fear of looking at me.

I am a liar,
At least that is the truth,
I tire myself with endless fire that burns within me every time I lie,
So I say to you,
You who defend me,
I may be a liar,
But I am not a cryer,
I hope I will retire from this hole,
But it gives me an endless desire,
To continue feasting on the warmth,
I am a liar,
And liars will never get higher then the ground,
Where we feel dryer than being higher,
I am a liar,
I liar to be,
I liar forever,
I will always be the liar.