I wish I was beautiful.
I wish that when I walked into a room people would just stop and stare.
I wish old men with good hearts weren't the ones reminding me what I'm worth.
I wish I could look in the mirror and love what I see.
I wish I had self control.
I wish I didn't worry that I was talking too much.
I wish I didn't worry about being myself with people.
I wish I could stop stuttering.
I wish I was good at opening up.
I wish I could talk to my mom about my worries.
I wish I could cry in her arms and tell her I was hurt.
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish I was okay with just having me.
Instead I lie on my air mattress and stare at my ceiling craving...... I don’t know what.
Just something.
Something to fill this emptiness in my chest.
The hole is so big sounds echo.
Fill me with concrete please.
Fill me with lies please.
Break my heart please.
Destroy me.

I often worry about what others think.
Their empty words weigh down my thoughts.
They haunt me.
The words cause an imbalance and then I find myself getting lost in a hurricane of thoughts and criticisms.
How did I get here?
When someone no longer benefits your growth their opinion no longer matters.
I’ll say that again When someone no longer benefits your growth their opinion no longer matters.
The statement is freeing.
Though how much It frees you depends on the faith you have in the statement.
I am not vain, I am confident.
I am not cocky, I am sure of my abilities.
I am not immature, I am my own person!

I am a rag doll.
Used.
Forgotten.
I wait for the day you come and rescue me from the destitute attic.
Dust collects on my rosy cheeks.
Cobwebs form on my plastic lashes.
Dirt collects on my pearly whites.
I thought that’s what you wanted.
Why won’t you play with me anymore?
Why don’t you want me?
Maybe if I changed my outfit??
Maybe if my cheeks weren’t so rosy?
Would you play with me then?
Maybe if I changed my morals?
Maybe if I did everything you wanted.
Maybe if I disappointed myself and stooped to your level?
Would you play with me then?!?
I need you.
I crave you.
Please.
I beg of you.
Please.
I don’t have anyone else.
Please.
Remember me.