the ******* feeling
in the world
that you can ever feel
is that being deceived
that someone truly cares
about what or how you feel.

you can never avoid it.
there are so many people out there,
so many, that you won't be able
to stop yourself from believing
that someone actually knows
and someone actually cares
and someone would really
do something about it.

take one example,
the internet,
it's the place
where you can meet
a lot of people

because it's the place
where all the people
are now.

and all the people,
including you and me are gone.

all heads are niether
up or down
but gone.

it's a vast disappearing act
like magic
but the magic is that
nobody anticipated it

and that ignorance
is the most cliche bliss,

taken for granted
as it is meant to be.

constrict your heart,
your throat,
your lungs,
your dry lips,
your pulsating brain blood veins

keep it all within yourself

no one should live for
someone else

don't let anything
in your way take
what's important

battles scars are inevitable

imperfections, marks, scars and
more imperfections are
all meant to be
visible in you
as you have no other
choice but to
leap into the void
that is the world itself

don't let
love, jealousy, fear,
betrayal, failure,
cheating women,
the system's copulation to
the masses,
vague heavy dreams about
planes, battleships, buildings,
continents, planets,
titans, earthquakes and
volcanic eruptions
expanding sizes
next to the small you
take the only thing
that you have
in your possession
from the beginning:

yourself.

Hey, I may be gone
out of your life
but don't feel all low
just because of that.

There are still more things
to do than just
wallow in sadness
because of me.

It's heavy, it's dark,
it's weakening like
wet clothes to the skin
in a cold rainy night,
I know.

Smoking
now makes more sense
and drinking hard
is more important
than anything else there is
because
you don't want
to be surrounded

with the unsettling feeling
of missing me
but I won't stop you
if that's what
it is going to take
for you to become
better.

It will hurt
and hurt
and hurt
for many days and nights,
it won't stop until
you become so tired of
feeling the same
everyday.

I've been there.

It may take years before
the image of me
becomes completely erased
and only my name
will be all that's
left to your memory of
us.

Someday, everything
will make sense
but for tonight,
as the others
carry on
while you lay still,

it will
hurt you,

and it's for the best.

For many years

and

more to come,

we won't be
spending them
together anymore.

It's a move

I've made
on my own

that caused it all.

The motions it took
must've hurt you
real bad.

I'm sorry.

Let me feel something
from it too,
'cause it's a flesh
wound in your chest.

You.

Was it too much?

It's a drug, I know.

It takes time to
wear off.

Everybody
waits.

I can't feel anything.

I go with
the wolves tonight.

only smoke lives inside
this empty chest now

and a book lying in my bed
is the only companion I have
during most nights
and for the following nights

I can't confide with it
or exchange words with it

only it fills the little gaps,
small spaces
that I recently have made room for

it will take time
to remember how to take
a few steps

it always does

but I'm in no hurry

one good thing
about it is it doesn't hurt
like it used to
and I wonder if it really
mattered,
all those four years
because I couldn't feel anything
from it

and I keep having
this thought in mind
that loneliness
granted for a long
period of time isn't so bad
after all

I could use some solitude,
some peace, privacy and
time and time again
to reflect

however loneliness
isn't good for
a heart that chooses
to take action on its own

it doesn't matter,
for I can always cover it up
for as long as
I could

there are plenty of women
out there
but now's not the time
for that
since
I have no use for
relationships built within
the confines of the social
standards
especially nowadays
where no one wants to
keep their happiness to themselves

hold it like some treasure
bury it deep down like
you wouldn't want anyone else
to find it once you
get your hands
on it


and this poem
is as horrible as,
serves as a tribute
to
the last relationship
I had.

I am trying Camus, really I am.
For a headstart, I got fired
and received a one year ban
here in Dubai
for shouting back to that
Egyptian ****
who is
a poor excuse of a manager
who has no concept of humanity,
but **** humanity and
that job, and that Egyptian.

Humanity's been around for so long
that it has become a world epidemic.

Everyone's full of themselves,
In fact, everyone thinks
they are the perfect example
that everyone should follow.

No one's going to start a war
in this madness,
not when the war is
already inside our heads,
the wrong war mostly.

I believe we are at the
verge of humanity's
stupidity, it needs to end.

It's affecting lives.

Everyone has depression,
you and me,
including the one who
thinks 'memes' are fun;
including the one who
should emphasize himself as
someone who has it to form a sense
of identity.

You can't blame them you see,
hell, you can blame me for being
a poet out of commerce.
You can't blame the hipsters who
gather themselves in a poetry reading night,
I wouldn't go there even if they will
pay me base on how good my poems are
and these poems aren't for sale.
You can't blame the workers
for seeing less of themselves,
slaves to whip,
only now the whipping's mental,
they have families to feed Camus,
that's why they're here, to be
Christ-like and not to oppose.

I don't know Camus,
I really don't.

Are you trying to convince me?
If so, I don't understand the absurdity
of it all, not that I or anyone is able to.

You're probably right, it must be
the sobriety that is causing all of this.

Charles Bukowski, where are you?

it's funny that
I can only remember
bad times through another one

that just got its way
to sour me up
whenever I stare blankly
at something while thinking
of numerous ways
on how to solve it

knowing that nothing
could ever be done
to it,

nothing but the sense
of worrying relentlessly

because it's
the most sensible and feasible

way to approach problems
known to man.


I am to believe that
it's a reminder

from my own old system,
telling me I'll live through it
just like the other ones

and will remember
it in the future,

when another one
arises.