I am Invisible,
Screaming, crying, shouting to become visible.
I stand in a crowded room,
People oblivious to my gloom.
As time passes… I begin to lose hope,
Losing ways to cope,
My mind rolling down an endless *****
‘Till all I can do is mope.
I feel I am alone,
My story unknown,
Sittin’ on an empty throne.
My silent scream unheard,
My sad face blurred,
My emotions stirred,
My problem uncured.

Please lie to me…
Tell me you love me… even if it’s a lie.
Tell me you miss me… even if you are glad I’m gone.
Tell me you would die for me… even if I’m already dead.
Tell me you need me… even if you wish I never existed.
Tell me you still care… even if you couldn’t care less.
Tell me you are proud of me… even if I am the biggest disappointment in your life.
Tell me you are happy with me… even if loving me is torture.
Please lie to me… I fein for happiness.
Make ME look like an idiot for still wanting you.
Lie to me.

As you feel your heart has been filled with liquid nitrogen and gets dropped.
You watch as it shatters into a million pieces and you are left picking them up one by one.
It might take months or even years to piece your heart back together.
You didn’t realize that you fell in love with what you THOUGHT y’all would be, but it all fell apart at the seems.

The love that you THOUGHT you had, fell victim to reality.
You feel you are on the edge of something breaking, and every so often, your past drops you down to your knees crying to God, asking what’s your purpose?

There are some things in life that are like a constant changing puzzle that even the smartest beings can’t figure out… love is one of them.
Do you know what love is?

As the **** smokes
Comes a couple of chokes.
Hit by hit, the memory of what has happened becomes foggy.
Blinker by blinker, you start to feel groggy.
All the hurt and abundance had built up, leaving your conscience speechless,
Everything leaving you no choice, but to be reckless.
Smoking away your problems seems like the only way to fix it,
All the cries for help couldn’t reach the summit,
You just seemed to reach the limit.
You gave everything your all,
But you simply just… fall.
You take another hit, until you feel like you can fly,
But it’s only a high,
Leaving you with a disappointed sigh.
Day by day,
The feeling seems to fade away,
Until it just stops hitting,
Leaving you sitting,
Making you contemplate quitting.

Words like stones, thrown not in anger, but in casual disregard.
A leash disguised as love, chipping away at the edges, until you barely recognize the reflection staring back.

Guilt, a weapon wielded with practiced ease.
A love that burns not brightly, but coldly, consuming you within, like a cold flame.
The slow death of a soul, popping depression pills like TicTacs, sipping the problems away, watching as the **** smokes.

You can’t physically cry anymore, the scars are a reminder of the battle fought, but they don’t define the victory to come. Instead of a happy warming crackle of the flame; what it’s supposed to be, it is shivering subtle whispers in your head. Instead of the comforting light glow it is supposed to give, it gives off a silent, dark, blue, soul crushing glow. It is a flame fed from tears and heartbreak and can only be put out by fate or arising happiness.
Lets have it out…

A cold flame.
Lost souls arise in shame,
Tear by tear, log by log,
Fear upon fear, fog upon fog.
Don’t breath it in, you will suffocate in despair
Until you eventually run out of air,
No other death can compare,
You see your life in just a little flare,
And all other people do is stare.
Deep within the flame lies sorrow and guilt,
Not a single peep or sound of lilt.
The flame does not catch things on fire,
Instead it consumes life until it is simply dryer.
The flame only lives in your mind,
But the effects are worse than a warm flame and death combined,
But yet people still would go through it to find that bind.
It whispers promises soft and low,
But leaves a sting, a bitter blow.
The warmth it lacks, a hollow space,
Where empathy should hold its place.
The smoke it breaths, a choking haze,
Obscuring truth in a blinding maze.
Throwing alcohol or drugs on the table,
Will only leave you mentally unstable.
You wait and wait for the cold flame to go out,
But it will only sprout,
Leading you to only doubt,
Ending you until all you can do is shout.

10 minutes later, you are left in the middle of nowhere, stranded with questions you probably won’t get the answer to.
This is most likely a heartbreak you won’t forget.
Then your mind goes blank; everything fades black.
This is the only time your conscience is left speechless.
You can’t predict what you’ll do next.
You are left with flashbacks and questions like “What did I do wrong?”

20 minutes later, you get left with deeper questions about if you were ever even loved, and the questions only get deeper.

30 minutes later, you are scrolling through older texts, missing the feeling you felt when you first got the text.
You are looking at older videos and smiling at what it was.
And then thats when a voice enters your head, your very first voice. It’s all around you, loud, but quiet at the same time, it only says two words… “Do it.” You stumble back wondering where it came from, you try and try to listen, but… nothing.

40 minutes later, you can’t physically cry anymore… you feel numb almost, but feeling everything at the same time.
You try to find light in the void, but it’s just dark.
You pick up a pill bottle filled with pills, staring, contemplating if you should just take them all, but instead, you scramble through your coping skills and decide to go out for a drive instead of taking the pills…

50 minutes later, you are driving at night and it’s busy, but not busy.
It must’ve been no surprise that you have a really fast bike you are riding.
You turn until you enter a highway, you try to keep your mind blank, but then… the break-up crosses your mind, resulting in you increasing the throttle gradually.
You are officially going slightly faster than other cars at 80 mph. Then all the sudden, a voice says “you’ll never be good enough,” then you feel yourself drop to 4th gear and increase the throttle, now you find yourself going 95 mph. And going much faster than other cars. Then you start dodging and weaving cars like never before.
Then another voice says “She never cared,” now you feel yourself go into 5th gear and increase throttle a lot, until you are going 130 mph. And dodging and weaving becomes a harder task.
Then a picture of her enters your mind, causing you to close your eyes for a split second and scream, and for a split second you realize when the voice said “Do it,” you know there was no escape, then before you knew it, you crash into the back of a car, sending you flying through the air and then hitting the ground and sliding and rolling on the ground.
Then a few moments later, you meet your death eye to eye, face to face.

Chains around my neck become bigger when I feel the chain wrapped around my heart grows heavier.
I’m tired of lying and saying that I’m fine…
The memories beat me black and blue.
Like if you’re gonna try me, you best pray to God you wipe me out.
I often feel I am trapped in the dark, my hand waving above the water, but you. Don’t. Listen.

STOP CALLING MY NAME! I’m already gone, away from this world and in my own world that was created just for me…
But I still hear your voice and a million others.
I fear my love is fabricated… there’s only so much time to save it.

I am often left scrambling for the key to the chain around my heart. It is never easy.
You need to have mercy on my soul when I am in this state.
I’m always stuck in yesterday.
But you called me a *****, so I became it… hope you’re happy now.

I wish I knew the secret recipe to relationships in general, like if you lay down all your walls, I swear that I’ll fix it.
You only love me when I’m already gone…
You call me evil, but how would you know unless you live it already…?