You won’t mark me with that blade not today not tomorrow nor from now on,
You will love yourself
Stop crying over spilled milk!
For Christ sake take a ******* shower, get out of this hole your convinced  your stuck in!

Go for that walk, jog if you have too!
Sing loud and proud; dance like no one is looking..

Today isn’t the day you let your anxiety win, nor the depression!

And for the love of us all, keep smiling that beautiful crooked smile.

As I took that plunge into the deep blue sea
I never thought once to catch my breathe
as the water fills my lungs, I whisper it's time

closing my eyes, feeling the cold water rush around my body
my body is numb, my fingers don't feel
I am one with the sea...

now I'm barely breathing...

Standing in the door way to our room,
I see the filth..
From the mess of clothes to the untouched
My depression prevents me from picking up the piles of mess I surround myself in.
Messy people are brilliant right?

As I tease myself that I’ll pick them up tomorrow, laying weeping in our bed.

From the piles of clothes to mess of my life, to the weight gain.. through the weight loss

Today I hate my outward appearance I don’t love myself..

Dusk to dawn
I swallow my pills
I waken the night, with eyes blood shot red from the weeping

tossing and turning, not comfy at all
I light the day up with my smirk, and dampen the day with my frown

never enough minute's in the day to get all the ideas off my brain
trying like hell to finish thousands of unfinished projects
from a messy home, room, everywhere
filth I live in filth.

I seek the peace in the mess, which i never seem to find
all around I grasp for just another blur day, where my mind plays tricks on me...

Cut off the power to this brain
for a day I'd like to live "normal"
without anxiety ruining my days

without depression keeping me in bed
not wanting to shower, not wanting to take pride in myself
I used to spend hours doing makeup and making myself look fabulous..
now there's not a day that goes by where I don't wear makeup or bother to even brush my hair...
what do I really like about myself?
Nothing...

**** switch, could there just be a switch that I could turn off?

Today I don't want to off myself, today I will try to heal myself from this pain I carry!

just **** the switch...

Days turning into long nights, woken by cold sweats, and horrifying ****** screams.
tossing and turning in my bed, laying paralyzed...
thinking the blankets over my head will protect me from the demons lingering about in my room.
room drops degrees while they stand above me, taunting me, keeping me awake!

I feel like I'm spinning, when sitting still.
minds racing mile a minute!
manic episode coming or what.
I'm waiting for the ideas to start flowing...
the I can do it, I can do everything and anything that comes my way attitude!
the downer, side where I shut down and shut the world out, drowning myself in music..
writing about my ideas, my manic, my sadness..
**** Doc, I'm all over the ******* place.
my mind spits the words i wanna say but my mouth gets tongue tied and I can't say the words... they come out all ******* wrong!
it's the ******* pills I say, they keep me well... stable?

stable??... how the **** is a racing thought stable, and my mouth gets my words mixed up and I'm speaking like I can't ******* talk!