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In immortal words we look for meaning,
In the singers we listen for feeling,
Like little rabbits mortified,
Searching carelessly to find a sign.

But if we could just do a bit better than that,
Maybe wed know,
Where we could be at.

This is love lost and nothing at all,
This is breath last,
And try not to fall.
This is tempered souls tied to every role,
To every single one of us all.

This is first steps and milestones,
These are listen for nothing and hear the world groan.
This is like golden leaves,
Like dying trees,
Like diamond rings bought from violent things.

We keep digging deeper to find something above us.
Sometimes words are words,

Made to fool you into meaning something more.

Some people want it all.
But I just want everything.
Some nights I feel like emerald and wonder if its less than I'm making it out to be.
But I run my eyes through every detail of your face by memory, and I listen to all the different octaves of your sound.
I can't help but remember your words in conversation,
Can't help but remember every conversation.

And I come back to it all and think of the way we touched. That was different than every other one because I can't understand how one person could hug with so much love.

And I follow the silliest rules and I follow the silliest people.
But I can't seem to get to where you are.
I can't seem to find those lights like I did, it feels like they just keep burning out.

And believe it or not, I need you to get through the day.
Just some memories of cold moon light drowning warm lips.

Drowning frozen toes.

Some nights I feel like ice cold and wonder why this is so okay with me.
And after all the light, it seems has gone.
And after all the bells did toll.

After breath,
After you blink away the nightmares.

It's almost just...tradition.

And after all the light, it seems has gone, I find myself lying in a room staring at the walls. I guess the day derives itself from these four walls. I wake up in the morning and they are still. I leave and they exist. I will never know that these walls have broken. So perhaps permanence is only an idea. A fading ritual like blinking. To know everything is still just beyond the eyelids. Someday we might venture beyond the blacks of our four walls. Of our skull that has become a prison.

After all the bells did toll, I found myself in the same room. The same four walls. Night by night, day by day. Each hour passing, I feel fixated on these four walls. This hollow skull. And we become trapped by this idea of permanence. That all things are as they always are. But in times pass, it will conclude that one day these walls will be torn down and new walls will be built.

As with our walls, as with our skulls. Some day to be put to rest. Sent out, with no candles and no path. Sent to find a tunnel with light at the end of it.

And after all the light, it seems has gone, I find myself yet again in darkness. A permanent darkness that is only an idea. But after all the bells did toll, I was found in permanent light.
I know you like a christian knows jesus.
Of the body, in the mind
and there my fingers trace your body all the time.
The outline reminds me of the apple,

a taste ill never know described perfectly to me,
resting on the tip of my tongue,
your scent hovers over my taste buds.

I know you like musicians know the ocean,
every note, every single molecule sliding over each other
to express the shore crashing white noise into the beaches,

to find the most beautiful note in a sea of endless sounds,
when my moon light fingertips pull the chorus from your tide,
your blissful quivers when my sunrise palms cross your horizon.
Over the hilltops,
Over the hilltops,
The canopy strokes color into the sky.

Through the valley,
Through the gorge,
Where the streams whisper sweet concrete.

Past the skyscrapers,
Under the smog,
The sunrise shatters at the peak of the day.

This dawn light,
In moon light,
Glitters on wet grass like broken glass.
Its sick, I remember it

perfectly.

There was a moment in time when the fear let itself dissolve into my nostrils and her

hands laced in gauze gloves,
injured boxer,
beautiful daughter

and the light gleamed and glistened off of every glass plate,
fractals of xanax bliss flicking themselves on to a filthy rug

and the line thinned itself out,
the lines thickened as it thinned itself out

school busses found themselves in parking lots and
some found themselves sold to private owners and some

drove themselves to our madness.

Sad clown cries tears while he laughs
she gave us our pills for free.

and one morning her daughter awoke,

*third grade called her daughter to wake up early and dress herself for the occasion, as she was only in third grade and couldnt drive,

she went to wake her mother,

and the sad clown dried her tears on the executioners
pillow.

Fell Asleep With Too Many In Her

We spent a few weeks on our knees,
searching filthy rugs for fractals of xanax bliss.

One night I realized what I was doing.

Its sick.

I remember it perfectly.
I've become tired of my life yet again,
Can't escape a sinking feeling
That it isn't real.

Sometimes life seems
So coincidental, the way
Things seem so convenient to

Exist so specifically for the sake
Of ourselves. And that the
Science of things

Is always and
Will never stop changing
Because science is figment of

Our pre-existing world that
Builds on top of
Itself.

Like
Beautiful ivory
Towers building themselves
Up for us. So that we may climb a
Tower of babel and destroy our shackles
And talk face to face with our immortality, or
Our creator or our destroyer or our fears or our goals.

But its a far off notion that none of us would under
Stand anyway. Were all terrified of the things
We don't know. We all scramble our jets at
Least twice a week. Lay our tools to the
Side and indulge in injustice and
The suicidal tendencies of
Decent living. What
Are we doing?
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