Was it terror, oil, freedom or war
what did we **** Osama for?

Lives spent in the searing heat, bullets whizbangs and pre packaged meat, far away from home, family wondering when I'll come home.

Bodies of men and women the fighters die together under our stars and stripes fighting a war for freedom.

No this is an oil war, this is the war on terror, we won't stop til we get em dead or alive.

Was it terror, oil, freedom or war, what did we **** Osama for?

A half job done causes a whole lot of trouble later, so why waste so many lives on something we just walked away from?

Was it worth it?
Who paid the price?
Was it worth it, Uncle Sam says
"Gee, fight the fight and fly Ol' Glory"

What was the war for? Pick which reason was worth it only for us to walk away?

Blood on the streets is blood on our hands, no heroes, no winners, just bullet casing sands

I'd rather sleep than die
I feel like my wings have been ripped from my back;
I am the fly.

I am the voice inside of my own head,
I am the headache that I try to kick back with pills as I drown them with water and hope that it sinks.

Sleep at my fingers tips yet I can't get a grip.
I'm losing control now but somehow I still have enough to type these words.

I am the man in the mirror who believes I can cross over if I stare into my reflection long enough.

Now I lay thee down to sleep- is a joke at best.
But allow me to digress, surely I jest.
Word play is the new flirtation and  an argument with myself may as well be *******.

I speak in tongues that I can only say when I'm sleep deprived and half dazed.

Come now with the sun to try and bring clarity, I close my eyes and ignore the message, unfazed I remain.

Shots ring out down the street;
Another family caught in the middle of gun crime.

Middle American gun crime back on the prime-time TV news,
Man, I give up. Grab the guns and have a party!

Fireworks to muzzle flare for the dramatic.
If you got a pistol I got a machine gun.

If my neighbor doesn't return my lawnmower I'll have no choice but to blow him away.

If you got an issue with me say hello to my little friend,
and his next fifty best friends.

If you have a machine gun I have the .50 cal for you.

Yo ** and Giddy-up we got the gun show to go to.

Johnny run and get your gun, you just wanna shoot shoot shoot like its Monday

The rockstar Mark Chapman really played his pistol,
and the rooftop ****** made Texas stand out.

JFK went out with a bang!

Give me silver give me black, give me a Mossberg or a Street Sweeper.

I want to shock my neighborhood with shells.
All my favorite music comes from a World War 2 battlefield.

So you can take my gun from my cold dead hands because I'm not the problem,
guns don't **** people, people **** people.
Drugs don't **** people, addiction does.
People don't hurt people, angry people hurt people.

See! I'm free and clear and if you disagree I got my .50 Cal who agrees with me.

These are words you said you never wanted to say
Now Wood Would? Would he pity you?
You showed us the sun turn black and you broke from the rusty cage,
Now you're giving the Jesus Christ Pose.
You took the needle to heart- as in right to the vein.
You, Cobain, Staley, Wood, Weiland...all went the same.

Your voice bounces off the walls, star gazer follows suits.
Followed in the footsteps of dead young men too talented to explain.
Drugs and self expression mixed together with fame,
Tragic life end, it's all the same.

We say hello to heaven,
traveling on that interstate while our favorite love song plays.

And all the words left behind, more left unsaid.
The pain of your loved ones and ones you left behind cuts deep and runs long.

Was it worth it?
Could you not break the bonds that held you?
Was chasing the dragon too strong?

Still waters run deep on the river of deceit.
Mad Season like a flu, it ran through us wild
and now you this wilting garden has got me reeling.

If I have a daughter her name is Chloe.
And I'll wear the crown of thrones for her.

So you came as you were, you showed up and lights out!
You were entertainers who entertained.

Burned fast and hot, died too young, same tragic story.

Tough as nails punk rock scream-*******-teen girl.

A real wild child maneater.

LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION- Girl.

Small town girl chaos all over the big city- long days and drunk days.

Hazed afternoons on the boardwalk- sublime shirt and a longboard.

Shaved hair and skin tight pants- creepers and two toned ***** dance,
no highschool claptrap dance for our action girl.

She's crazy as the glue she sniffs- she lives on the edge, she built a home on the cliffs.

*****, spunky hard as nails, screwloose downtown headcase.

Action all day, action all night- this girl don't back down from a fight.

Sealed with a kiss and I love you in distress
it's bittersweet memories that make me like me even less,
You left home when I gave up and I gave up when you weren't enough.

But I'm only to blame in the dwindling fire that was our bond, your eyes started to wander which me wonder what happened to the starry eyed lovers we used to be.

When we shared a bed its cold as ice and when we look at each other we see mutual sacrifice.

Too scared to leave too weak to admit it
so we sought comfort in the beds of others,
you found yours next to your boss and I found mine next to the babysitter.

Both won't last but that's not the point, they remind us of who we were when we met each other and that's a story told through pictures of the past.

You spend your whole life running, person to person, event to event, job to job.

You grew old, you got wise and lost it. You had it and you watch it all go, and who is to blame?

People can say what they want, but I did it.

I t was never about money, it was never about being liked, it was never about anything- and at the very same time it was about everything.

We've got one life, one tiny ******* life, one shot, one chance, and with that we can do anything we want, why not go for broke? Why not lie, why not cheat? Why not love? run? why not work honest and hard, why not travel? Why not get ahead?

Look, this bag of bones will rot and that's it. Any part you play, any role you get cast as...what's it matter when you're dead? Get your family, get your friends, find your loved ones and when you die- however it is, wherever it is...you can say you did it.

Meaning, purpose. Those things won't just wait, they don't drop out of the sky, why not laugh, love, why not break and make rules, why not live as a lion, a king?

Why not grab everything you are, can be, will be and want to be and shake it until it cracks.

What else are you gonna do?

In a few hours the sun is going to rise, the time will keep ticking along and day to day will resume, you get this chance to write your own chapter in your own book, and it can be anything you want it to be...

So...what's it gonna be?

Brother O' Brother
what mess have we made now?

Time and time again we travel and watch each other unravel, yet time and time again one is there for the other, and Brother O' Brother
Family is stretched thin.

I've been down in the gutter, you've been bent out of shape.

We've been beaten out of luck, been outpaced by the younger bucks, but we're still standing, and our best hits are still landing.

So Brother O' Brother, Blood is thicker than water and wine ages with time so time and time again, we'll fail and succeed over and over again

and when it's time to settle down, the other will be watching because if no one else looks out for you, then at least you've got a brother.

Letters in the sand, for temporary messages are best left in the moment they happen.

I drew you the world and all its contents and held your hand as the sea swept it all away, you watched my work. My one and only piece.

My one and only.

For a moment I was De Vinci, I crafted the creation I created God for you, I wrote you a manifesto of love, in the sand I called on the angels of angels and to the sky one thousand white dove.

I cut my hand to add blood to the sand and sea, so you could see me in the work.

All too soon did the sea reclaim what I could not own, you held my hand and without saying a word you said all you had to.

I have aggression inside me.

Have you ever wanted to watch the world burn?
I mean really burn, not some small cinders, but a real bonfire.

I'm sick of being sick, I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of being so ******* passive.

Six months into 2020 and here are some highlights

Remember when Australia was on fire?
****** hornets?
The Russian Oil Spill in the Arctic
Several cases of police brutality resulting in murders
The Hong Kong protests both volumes
Now ******* squirrels have been found in Colorado with the Bubonic Plague.
Another strain of Swine flu was found in China that was transmutable to humans and contained traces of the former swine flu
covid-19
The covid-19 protests.
Floods in February
Part of the United States is undergoing a record heat wave
Parts of India and Africa had to deal with record swarms of locusts
The second we stopped the lockdown in the states we went right back to mass shooting
Donald Trump
Do I need to go on?

I'm tired of this high road passive nonsense.    

I know violence isn't the answer but do you want makes the lions, tigers, apes, hog and antelope gather together?

Fire.

If the conservatives, liberals, Christians, Muslims, Pagans and Satanists, Vegans and Carnivores, Karens, Kens, If the right and the left can't meet in the middle, **** em.

Let it burn.

Why do you always have to stick your nose in other people's business?

The boys shouldn't be so proud and admit that they're western fascism, ANTIFA need to become organized so they can control their message.

If they can't, **** em.

Let it burn.

I want fires as high as Heaven, I want Roger Stone behind bars and serving his full sentence and I want the names that Epstein and Maxwell have, and she better not commit death by cop.

I want people to wake up and understand we're ******* ourselves up and proving why we're the worst species.

Otherwise, Let it burn.

I'll strike the match, I'll pour the gasoline, I'll start the fire because if that will bring us together, at least we'll be united on something.

Anger is an energy and right now I'm feeling like Chernobyl at 1:22 am.

I want fire, I want ash to rain from the sky and black out the blue, give me constituency or give me the torch, you want an eternal flame? I'll let it burn for the Gods.

I have this anger in my heart, I have to act like this is all ok, because if I don't, if I voice this **** I come off as the crazy one.

Fine by me, if you want me to crazy at least call me an arsonist.

Burn baby burn, Your systems are weak, your tiktoking your life away, you're reading too many faces and it's not even a good book you chose to reread, this is the worst high school reunion disaster movie you can think of.

At this point I'm walking the line of "******* all" and "I want to see you saved"

I'm feeling like G.G. Allin and Jesus Christ had a son.

When this place burns to the ground and you're left walking through the smolders and remains don't come crying to me because I''ve done all my crying and now I just want to watch your punk *** burn.

I want to explode, I want to detonate.

Blow this joint sky high and say "******* that was fun and thanks for the memories"

I'm walking the line of classically happy and cynically depressed.
You people have exhausted me, the anti- vaxers who'd rather listen to their hearts and highschool minds compared to experts in the field, You'd rather listen to "Dave, some 52 year old neighbor" as opposed to the CDC because you don't trust them, yet you have a social media page where you bleed your heart out?

Makes sense right? You're as dense as these flat earth *****, I'd love to see you be tossed on the pile.

Hurting public discourse? Take the guillotine or bonfire, it doesn't matter to me, you're hurting the majority and further hindering the minority, add some fuel to the fire and contribute you oxygen stealing gene pool mistake.

I dream of fire, I dream of smoke, I dream of ash, cinder, smolder and choke.

Let'***** the restart button, hell is freezing over anyway but hey, global warming is a myth right?

Again, I'm not so proud of you boys, let the women make their minds up about their bodies and roles in the work force and home.

Strike a match, sing a song and get low because like 1984 the firemen and we're not just burning Milo books.

So here I end my anger, because I've gassed myself out but I'm sure tomorrow the tank will be full again, after all anger is an energy and thanks to this ******* I have a seemingly unlimited supply.

And I fall
And so I shatter
I am glass and clay I return to simple matter.

I am the cog that turns the big gear
I am turning as I should and if I rust oil me and let me return.

And I fall
And so I shatter

I live vicariously and so i live many lives in a day
The mayfly inside me turns and dies and as it does like a maggot I worm away until I change again.

Host me for I am a virus, I am clay, mold me.
Mold me, hold me, drop me

And I fall
And so I shatter

To the floor I am the jigsaw you made me, the jigsaw I am because I can't be something without a blueprint telling me to be.

I exist to exist and I copycat and clone those around me for I am frail and of glass.

I am entropy's trophy

And I fall
And so I shatter.

And so as the vicious street punks and the droog crews make merry in the modern cities of ultra fashion, so I dress to impress and clash in the streets.

Hammer and Brass knuckle, chains and living by the switchblade life.

Speeding lights and Burgess printed the method.

Savage young punks.

Sword duel for honor long gone out the window now, guns are for the classless, if you have a hate-on for someone, fist to fist or blade to blade, bat to bat and blood to blood. Look em the eye if you want to shed some flesh.

Bowler hats and commando boots, canes, bats, bruises and blood.

Real flash horrorshow, savage young punks, the dreams of youth wasted on the violence of wide eyed children, children of the digital era who grew up as latchkey kids, who grew up feeling isolated and had no healthy outlet for that anger.

Anger is an energy, the birth of the atomic bomb.

The homegrown domestic terrorist.

Suddenly violence seems less romantic and street gang fights for respect and turf turn to stray bullets raining down across the nation, homes and schools, churches and weddings.

We still love our violence.

Are freaks electric?
Do they shock you? Do they put a fear into you? Are the oddities that odd in the light of the day?

Are freaks taboo?
Do they deserve they shadow hand? The second hand citizenship of fellow country men? the shun of woman and the mockery of the children?

Are freaks limited?
A rare breed, something fresh and new, something strange and beautiful. Are freaks uncommon to your life? To your world?

Are freaks diseased?
Riddled with the plague? Cursed with disability? Are freaks inhuman?

Are freaks freaks?
If respect is odd, if simply civility has gone, if that is so strange and we are paranoid of one another then mayhaps we are freaks in our own way. Just because the body lacks deformity does not mean the mind does.

Does not mean the spirit or intent does.
The worst freaks look like humans, they learn how to speak like us, to walk, talk and dress like us. All the while the dark intent lies behind the smile and jokes, behind the kind gesture.

Joesph Merrick was not an animal. Ted Bundy was.

Now I don't wanna do what they say, wanna create and destroy and do it my way.

And I don't wanna follow the rules they play, make believe my own game and win it my way.

Art heart
Bleeding Starts
where to start- I don't know where it stopped.

Stopped at the top
Bottom back again- I'm welcomed back and back at it again.

Now I tried to play and follow their rules,
Ending up acting like a fool
So I carved myself out of stone, sat on a tree stump and called it a throne.

I burn the forest down to bring new life from the underground,
force those above to run for the hills

They pop pretension like  intolerance pills.

I stood by the bay and cast my problems away.
Into the shifting sands went my life, sand castles of dreams and hopes- the life of a younger man I did see wash away into the sea.

These old eyes have seen too much and learned too little far too late.

I have heard the call of battle far off from another room and as I turned off the T.V. I had another voice call out for me- changing rooms and places with each other- we're as fickle as the waves.

So the hourglass drains from one end to the other and no one to flip it, this is how we run out of time.

With age comes wrinkles and worry, with age comes debt.

So I stand by the bay and wait for the waves to wash me away. Sand castle life, King of the beach.

To the bottle I promise
Blood I take is blood I give.
Love I take is love I give.

To the futures ahead of me, I stand as a statue, to those before me, I keep the flame alive.

I raise the bottle to the bloodline and house, to the friends and loved ones, may you in heaven before the devil knows you're dead and may the road rise to meet you.

Melting masks and under dressed,
to the hall for the ball and watch as we fall.

Melting into each other, painting a picture of a picture that looks like a photograph of our life, hang it on the wall and buy some time.

Dorian gray; aren't we all?

Man's vanity will be the end, a highclass ***** house, selling our skin for cash, petty cash in our bank accounts as we ***** out for the final curtain call.

I'd rather paint myself a mockery and fall in line with the hanging tree,hang til dead like individuality.

Dress to impress like we all care, but we only care about the first impression that is so quick to flee, flirt and flee with the otherside.
Tragedy by design, beauty by-product.

I take my meds and walk the show trying my best to play the part that somebody else cast me for,
signed my name on a dotted line and I fall in place like the rest.

And the rockets red glare meant we were there.

Suits and pants, nice tie chop shop mic talk means blood sands for diamond trade.

And the rockets boom meant cash flow for the body count.

Body count and cop killing, **** the police so said N.W.A

First call for trouble when we're in trouble.

Fear changes us all, no atheists in foxholes.

Foxhole hero, fighting for a country split down the middle- no love for war, no love for peace.

Sorry to see ya go but clearly some had better plans.

Better plans to make a better plan, fail to execute said plans just because of an early execution.

Lethal injection due to a guilt verdict, brutal injunction.

Oh no- here we go again another legal scam, another injustice in a court room, law side manner out of the window again, oh no here it comes again, another broken legal system bringing red tape to justice and perverting the jury to commit another crime on the stand.

Car crash makes us feel so alive, which is why we never let tragedy die. Cop got caught up in a shoot em up, no matter white or wrong, no matter black lives will say it doesn't matter.

Nuisance doesn't exist anymore, no gives anyone the benefit of the doubt anymore. It's us v them, like batman v superman too bad nobody wins and at the end we don't become friends- things like that only happen in the movies.

Hollywood drama starring real people with real lives, so let's add a crew, lights, and staged events to add reality into our T.V. sets because clearly enough of our **** is something we don't get.

I don't know what to do now, or where to go now, all I know is people will go with the flow because it's easier than fighting against the current- events like bad parenting better blame on the animal caged against it's will acting on any instinct it has left.

Beat em into submission since we can't beat our kids, but even spanking them now seems like a confession of sins.

A black night of the soul and we love to move on for effect but we hate to let go- which is why I facebook stalk my ex late at night, when I could just text her and say I hope she's alright.

But Oh no here it comes again gotta act like I don't care so it seems like I can win, keeping up appearances only makes me look older, too bad I'm not getting any bolder. Rather run from life and hide in the shade, school of hard knock life bell just rang.

And if I gotta go, let it be with a BANG!

Looking back at my teenage years and my twenties sitting on the edge of thirty-three today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Standards and seals approved inked in black and signed on dotted lines, banks paid on hold and payment plan approved.

This is what the barrel of a shotgun looks like, pull the trigger and commit life, walking away now isn't an option.

We gotta grow up at sometime, so choose life and dive deep because so far what you think is living is really wasting time on a clock, the clock you've always lived by.

Ticking down as life passes by, making excuses for why you have't left a mark, mocking the would-be-elsers, realizing you may be stuck as a loser, standard approved.

Stamped, sealed, sold, delivered and paid in full.

Do what you need, do what you want, do what you feel but do something because the time spent of inaction is just wasting whatever you have, or have left.

So walking into my thirties I kick open the double wide doors to life and take a seat at the table, choosing life isn't so bad once you have lived in inaction, once you've done your tight five, you've had your fifteen minutes, once you've burned bright, it's time to focus that light and find your spot to shine somewhere.

Stop wasting away.

Bad dreams are keeping me awake at night,
Bad T.V. replaces my nightlite

Late night; chatting my life away

T.V. and Netflix streaming tan, burned out eyes watch plots twist and turn before my eyes

Elitist thought has been co-opted by the shows we watch.

Sad news I'd rather not listen at all, politics cause too much to do.

Entertainment!

All night long.

Live from any device I want, it's another elitist opinion about another show I don't watch.

I was beat Orange is the New Black for building a House of Cards, I had to play the Game of Thrones in order to meet Dexter in his House. I went into the Office and often checked in with the department of Parks and Rec.

I was told only trust the doctors who wear Scrubs, Stranger Things have happened then living a life by characters. When I unplug from this device I get lost on the long drive while podcasts make me think higher of my mimic-self.

That's Entertainment!

That's all folks!
Curtains colse on one act plays while stage hands scramble to clear the rubble and make new debris.

That's Entertainment!

I was caught in an Infinity War of advertisements all declaring I was the right target for their product, I'm not mad I'm too tired to be mad so I just sigh and walk by defeated.

Boo-hoo for the moral stance, acting like you had any to start.

If it wasn't for the culture vampires most of you wouldn't have an opinion to be angry about or agree with.

That's Entertainment!

He drew a red a heart on the white wall, his world was one of love.

Painting pictures helps to remember the shape of love;
Love in hell, life and above.

I love therefor I am, without it I am shadow from light filling the void.

I drink from your lips, honey like wine.
You drink from my heart, love like herion- addicted to each other.

Pumping the core making the body move and yet so slow do we fall because without it we speed up to hit the ground.

I love and lost and I'll love and lose again, this is the circle of which I choose to spin.

He drew a black heart on a red wall to express passion and lust but all he had was anger, for in losing her he knew he'd never get her back.

He knew she was with someone better, someone bigger.

****** issues led to the break and now his heart was shattered.

She left knowing he could do better, she had a secret she didn't want to share, she had a lost a child and could never love again. She lied to leave relationships before she got too close to lose again.

She drew a blue heart on a green wall and under that she wrote a poem to the child she laid to rest.

Hearts on walls being left to fade, color and time and as foundation cracks so does art.

Love only counts when its remember by the age, for we move on from what love was to what love is.

The child had been touched, beaten, ignored, the child had been cold to the heart so the child drew a white heart on a white wall and under it the child wrote "**** it all"

Bleeding hearts turn the cycle, we spin the tales and in the we feel

Can't think to form the words,
So I slam a dictionary against my head to fill it with words unsaid.

Heartbeat like headache too many distractions to form a thought.

Off the rails and agitated;
Here I go missing the point again.
Here I go trying to create something new again.

A verbal Victor Frankenstein, composite poem here I go again.

The mad wordsmith at thought's end standing on the edge as I stare out to the void on the verge of my next big break point.

Another pointless point that leads to a dead end debate between two parties who'll never admit the other is right, so what's the point of words when they all fall to the floor and shatter.

Sweep them into the dustbin and glue em back together try and lie that this time it'll be stronger.

Penned mosaic on the cutting room floor, too many themes to latch onto, this one was rushed out the door.

It flew to close to the sun and now the wax got in the way and made a mess- so as this writer plummets into writer's block sea at least let me drown along the sea of sentences that have been said by saints and sinners, who shared meals with Twain and Ginsberg.

Better to know I bled on the page and bled myself dry, I gave away all the words I had inside and now I sit thirsting for some inspiration like a poor man's Bukowski, wishing I had half the insight to see the next line and knew it was going to sound right.

Papercut
Now I write red words, for it flows so freely.

I write therefor I am.

I bleed, therefor I can- express.
Unhygienic paper printed to the masses
Infection, Sentimentally Transmitted Document.
Infection.

Papercut, I cut the paper and turn it into a paper plane,
Crane- origami
spitball gun.
A sleeping paper tiger in the field factory of spiral bound notebooks.

Papercut.

Dog eat Dog and Cat eat Cat, if Fish catch Fish, I won't none of it.

If man vs man or man vs machine, I opt out and stay sidelined for some wars aren't mean to be won.

I wonder when this will ever stop? If foodchain politics exist where do most of us go?

If politicians have armies and armies are made of men and women, where is the soul of the unit?

If it's us vs them and me vs you and survival says we both have a fifty-fifty shot why not team up and use one hundred percent?

I'm not asking for peace just saying there's a better way at home.

Connect with your neighbor because soon this will fall apart and when it does it's us vs them and wild vs man, and when nature decides that we're too much of a bother, we'll be nothing more than a blip on the map.

If it's dog eat dog and cat eat cat and if fish catch fish, I'll opt out and stay sane and safe, I'll use sage wisdom to maintain where I'm at.

Broken thrones and busted bones,
Rusted crowns and ruling out of bounds,
Kings and Queens and genocide machines.

Crest on a shield, knights with knives and knaves with stolen horses.
Blood stained lands and bodies of water littered with parts of bodies.

Time rots the empire and soon the History swallows all.

Let's talk for a moment about free speech.

Hello Poet, say what you will for art is free speech and expression of the soul.

Hello poet, think what you will because thoughts are free and through thought we become more and strive for greater heights.

So, I am torn and here is why.

Censorship in art?

The word *****- a female dog.
The word ****- a term for a rooster.
The word ***- a British term for a cigarette.

Offensive words yet being offended is a one to one ratio.

To censor words and art is a step backward in the artistic community, that being said this is a public site who have advertisers and marketable money making devices set in place to keep this site running...so art vs commerce...

Who chooses what gets the starred dots and under what guidelines, is it context? Is it all no matter what?

What if the offensive part of the piece isn't a word what about the topic?

The open discussion isn't to be found it's hid behind stars where meaning and emotion are often blurred.

So I can't say FcK fair enough, I'd have to say Sx or making love,  but I can't really say I got made love out of a job or I got scred out of a job.

Is there no place for raw language that is ugly and unflattering? So all art must be clean and pristine so it does not offend the mass population?

Do you know how the population got to be so big? A lot of lve making, Oh because what if someone finds that word offenve?

Do we spe* around the iue* now?

finds what *?

If is a ***** word then isn't language lost?

Words alone are not offensive, the subjective nature of the word to the individual makes them offensive, now clearly there is a time and a place for these things...you shouldn't say * in church, you shouldn't call a ....sorry a human younger than a toddler an *.

But this is an art site, a website devoted to art and free thinking, yet the advertisers who support and fund this site say that some words may offend the public and so those words must be banned...so are we * more * * *?

*

I am torn because in a place where thoughts should be free, where art and ideas are expressly told to be free and stand out, now in some way the voice of anger, the voice of radical emotions are now muted, yet at the same time...someone has to pay for this site to keep it running, and a platform to stand is better than no platform at all...but if you're going to censor the words where does it stop?

Everyone is offended by something all it takes is one loud good complaint and a word, an image, a book, a movie, a song...they get burned, deleted, blocked, censored...

I am torn.

Parody.
Comedy and tragedy and I forget the point-
I write to express myself and almost got lost in the unknown approval of the past that I have had.

Parody, for I gave in almost too quickly but if I almost gave in- isn't it the same thing?

Chasing fame like a savage dog I nip the heels trying to get a taste of that which I have never known- the lesson is learned.

I am not beyond the ego. I let myself slip and almost forgot the important thing- expressions- I shocked myself.

Humbled again, I'm sure I will forget again.

I write because I have the urge to write, it is not a choice, not a hobby, not a distraction, it's a very real bite that gnaws at me and so I wear its teeth down and quell the noise in my head.

Chasing fame does nothing but block out the real expressions and thus I feel no satisfaction.

The work comes first.

Well  I grew up in a right small town
I was raised under that warm southern sun
I worked all day till my work was done

now tell me truthful people- have ya ever seen a hardworking sweat?

I used to fish in the creek behind my house
I used to hunt in the woods out back
Then one day I took the hand of the sheriff's daughter

now tell me truthful people-have ya ever heard a story as simple as mine?

Long summer days and hot summer nights
But my girl by my side made it all right
so here I sit with my Banjo at my side and her, the girl I love bout to be my bride.

now tell me truthful people-have ya ever seen a man as happy as I am?

Now I remember the once that pa used to say
Work hard and earn your pay
and when the day is done you'll find a good woman and a bed to lay.

now tell truthful people- ain't it funny when yer folks is right?

So I can sing a ditty
I can whistle all day
But nothing makes me happier than the girl at my side.

Now tell truthful people- when a simple man does all he can and wants for nothing more than the world out is backdoor, can ya find a happier man than me under the sun?

And in some ironic twist of fate, we saw each other from across the hall, it could've have been days or years- it wouldn't have mattered.

When two people who have been through as much as we have come to a mutual understanding, words are simply pointless, her eyes sparkled and we stood there and just stared at each other, the slightest sound from either of us would have sent the other into a fit, so we smiled.


Here is where we parted ways for the final time, she turned to her date as I turned my back and left through the side exit.

Something like pride stung me, but I held it back and in so I could savor my sweet wallowing and pity, I am never the victim and when I get to play the part I may as well play it as well as I can. I keep it to myself so that I alone can sup on the sweet juices of self pity, and yet I know that it wont last long.

We do what we must
In order to survive
Protect your honor
Defend your pride.

We do what we must
In order to survive
Protect your honor
Defend your pride

We fight for each other
We stand side by side
No matter the challenge
We shall not run
We will not hide

We were not all born of the same blood
But we are brothers all the same
We respect one another
we honor each others names

We share a coat of arms
Under my protection
You shall not be harmed
For this is my oath.

I am awash in color
I am blank canvas no more

I am painted perfect by the artist who saw the beauty in me
and so I am born.

With every brush stroke I felt my heart beat as I crawled out from the blank, and as I fell to the cold stone floor I knew love, from the hands of the creator that held me.

I am awash in color
Blank canvas no more.
I am created perfection
formless no more.
I am art and beauty, I am peace and unity.
I am self.

I will consume you
I will devour you whole
My will is unchallengeable
I do not break
I shall not bend

My passion burns hot
It will consume you, you will catch light and ash before daybreak

I am the sea, every ripple is the still before the rogue wave swallows you,
I shall drown you.

I am the end of you, this is a promise.

You will need me, I will crawl inside you and take root,
I am the control.

You know not why you crave me, I am the infection that you desire
Festering inside of you, I will take control.

Your will is my will, your life is mine.

I will consume from the inside out.

Ice said it best, before he had freedom of speech had a track that said it all.

Cop Killer, better than you than me.
Cop Killer **** police brutality.
Cop Killer I hear your mama screamin, **** her
Cop Killer cuz tonight we get even...

It carries on from there.

Good.

How many times are we going to have to sit through another racist cop? How many walk away with paid leave or on suspension, when was the last time any of these cops, sorry racists got locked away for 15+ years, 7 years? hell even 1?

No one is a saint, but ya know what it's getting old living in a country where we're supposed to be this mixing ***, this blending of people and races and creeds and ideas and yet still somehow the white nationalists leak their way into our law enforcement and our government.

What's worse is the common average people who support them.

Remember when we had a black guy as president?
Black man in the white house, making it shades of grey?

To this day republicans still hate it, they can't stand it.

So now we have the truly stupid sitting in his chair, fake spray tan, spreading lies, living in a cult of personality with an army of drones hanging onto every tweet.

Currently we have a leadership who deny science, who deny fact, who create their own view of what's "Real" we have a pandemic that people think is fake and some people think it's a bio-weapon, some people think bill gates is creating a vaccine to inject microchips into us, 5-G causes cancer...

we even now have rat swarms forming..

THIS IS THE DARK AGES.

America, we are not a first world country, not at all. We're Disneyland at best, we're the Hollywood Big Titted blonde *****, we're fake, plastic and cheap acting like we're high society.

We need to bring back some science, some rationality, some middle ground conversations, we need to let women choose what do to with their bodies, we need to let people marry or identify how or who they want. (providing it's not breaking any laws)

We need to get some civil discourse, some simple understanding.

Because right now George Floyd was ******* right...I can't breathe.

Pretender, masked lover

Hand holder and word whisperer, sharing statements of forever.

Dancer, partner, will you hold my hand?

Lover, leaver, accuser, abuser, user.

Pretender my masked lover.
Seducer and I lose myself in the mirror you hold for me, showing me what you see, making me more than I see myself.

Sealed with a kiss, kisser, hip holder and ring bearer.

Sunrise soon, the waves break

Break my bones, break my will, break my heart
all so I can create.

I weep at raw beauty, I shed tears for artistic emotion.

I steal words form those who know better, I steal thoughts from the wiser of the world.

Vampire?

******* dry the culture vein so I can keep my pulse going.

I am mortal man and soon I sleep, into the dreams I fade and with it so do the words I weep, I write.

Suicide by fashionable choice.

Poets and prophets drama queens, for the worlds' a stage and we all take a bow.

I draw blood and let it pool in my hand so I can fingerprint my autograph on the declaration.

As John Hancock, so shall I.

They've tried for years to express themselves and as the art has shown, they've only caught a few over the decades.

Voices dying on the wind, written off by the time and the population had named them "weird art"

The freak show is in town tonight and again they try, for every body felled by the wayside there's one right behind to pick up the torch and reignite the flames.

Bullet proof prophets made of theory and ideas driving trains of thought off the track so they can crash into your homes and lives.

Train wreck train wreck.

Where there's smoke there's a wildfire heart burning with passion holding a match to a powder keg.

Suicide by design, killing ourselves for relatability.

We're sick so suicide missionaries we stand side by side.
Fighting off the chains of restrictive thought and walls built by a society of the lying, cheating, scared population who would hang free thinkers as witches, on trial just as some words have been banned.

Everyone is a critic and so we can't speak freely, free speech has become hate speech.

Context be ******.

The dying breed sit behind the fence and starve as we're picked off by the carrion thought eaters and those who run are arrested by the thought police.

Can't say this, can't think that. Careful not to offend.

Everyone wants to say everything but no one wants to feel offended, gotta play it safe because we're so fragile we're of glass.

Everything gives a disease because no one gets ***** anymore in case we catch something, we've killed our anti bodies and our systems aren't so immune anymore, thank god we've got the pills to help boost whatever we need.

Poppin pills like pez out of dispensers that take notes, bills, ***, headaches, stomachaches, spells of dizziness, dry mouth, restless leg syndrome, homicidal thoughts, suicidal thoughts, being too hungry, not being hungry enough, back pain, hand pain, toothache, and a million other issues that probably could be solved with a little bit of effort but nope, pills and an arm and a leg Dr. bill are the cure.

Paying way too much attention to celebrities while everything burns. Then when the fire reaches you it's time to worry.
You're just the newest sapling in the fire that's swallowed by the flames of drama, gossip and *******.

A million dead artists their bodies all point to the way, the treasure of art, soul and comedy, tragedy, drama, political and social commentary- all with points to make, yet YOU don't like what they had to say, so you censor the words you don't like, you twist the meaning to fit your offense then crucify the speaker and "expose" them for all they are.

**** that.

People cuss, people hate other people, people say words and think thoughts you may not like, they may have different ideas, they may write or song or act in ways you don't approve.

Deal with it.

The world still spins, you still grow and go on, there are important matters to attend to if you could just pull your head out of your *** for two seconds.

No matter how much you try to clean up the act, the dirt under still remains. The world is not some clean, pristine, air tight seal where you will get your way, don't like what's on tv? Change the channel, don't like what's in the book? Don't read it.

Don't like the song, the food, the people, the color of their skin, the way they talk, the politics- left or right. Then walk away.

It's their world too and you have to share it.

Sit down, strap in and deal.

Look at this wonder I create
With more research and black science magic I create more by the day.

I walk in casted shadows to hide away the fact that I'm simply smoke and mirrors.

I have no face to save that's why inside my home every piece of glass you'll find comes from broken mirrors.

But if I work harder by the day then maybe tomorrow I can stop and admire my work but tonight is not that night- so back to my workshop I hide away.

If they could only see my work the way I see it, then maybe things could change- but until that day I'll have to work in secret and show the world just what a genius really is- and if it's only on my terms then so be it.

Yes if it's on my own terms- then that is just the way it must be.

Divas with a baseball bat,
Smeared make-up buttercup, ball busting ******* flirting with the fools and hard-ons in the alleyway.

These girls don't run from trouble, they cause it, **** it, break it, they define it.

Killer queens, savage pretties, beauty queens with baseball bats and brass knuckles kisses left you speechless and broke wondering what the hell happened to you.

These girls in the drop top with their tops down play men like fiddles, they treat em like clowns. These girls on the street can take what they give and they don't break.
Tattooed, short skirts, low tops, high heels and contraband in the back seat these girls are the kinda girls society warned you about.

These are the women of the world who bite back before they get bit because they know the wild side of life is the only way to live, so keep up and roll the dice because boy, these girls toss em hard and live fast.

And so I weep at the grave
Into the hole love goes and with it, the final tears I will ever cry.

With her goes my heart and my passion, with her goes my creative fire and urge.

She was my muse and my compassion, she was the best of me and without her I no longer need to hold onto the best parts of me, for she is not here to light my way.

Lighthouse no more, into the dark I sail.

Dressed in black I sit and stare at the cold dirt and know that no matter what we do or who we are, we end up here. Bones and all.

Dressed in black we weep together for some lost a friend, some lost a daughter and sister, I lost more than a lover in her.

My guiding star burned out and now I care not what happens for without her I am the shadow of a man before I met her.

When a man is powerless, send him a woman, and when you take the woman away- you break the man. No one is an island so I shall sink to the bottom of that cold, crushing ocean.

Let me drown,
let me drown,
let me down.

In my sorrows.
I care not for the sunrise or tomorrow.

I'm sinking down back to my old friend,
He always gives me what I want.
A needle in the arm and a soft spot to sleep it all away;
Daydreaming in the grass as I nod in and out.

I'd be depressed if I cared.
I'd be clean if I cared.
So set up my rig and let me flush it all away.

No pain under the stars, no thoughts of any kind.

I'm swimming in a pool of my own self indulgence-
China white warms the blood and let me swim in the spoon.

Don't worry about me too much, I'm just doing my own thing for now.

I'd be depressed if I cared, I'd be aware if I cared.

You can buy my luck for a hit, just get me to my dealer.

Sobering thoughts is what led me to the gutter,
I've lived here ever since.

Now my friends are all ghosts and I'm better off in my head;
I'm sleeping off my family and what I remember of my old life,
The sun is setting and it's getting dark but that's alright by me.

This is how it goes if you live in Echo Park

Counting to three and lights up for the stage we take, the parts we play are about to start as we say goodbye to what we knew.

End of the bad times, say hello to the good guy.

Out with the old and in with the new, I give it up the actors,

Bad luck and hard times ring out because frankly we're out of bad luck, so let's put the sad away and start up the band because we'll be here all night.

We've come in from the cold, shown up from the war and somehow survived the battle, now it's time to make merry bring cheer and high waters, good tides, we're up good time creek and you can bet we brought our paddles.

The nature of faith is to simple believe.
That is faith.
Knowing and believing without solid proof.

Science is based on facts of man and time;
yet man and time change
and science can be improved and changed over time.

Its Faith vs Science
Two sides of the same coin.

In Quantum mechanics they speak of the tenth dimension,
they speak of non locality

In Faith they speak of God and Angels

Both can not be seen, and yet to the followers both exist.

Then they case judgement on the other for their beliefs,
Never stopping to see the irony before them.

Faith vs Science was made by man;
Belief vs Fact, Right vs Wrong, Us vs Them,
Man vs Man.

As if fighting would turn a belief.

Why can't those who have Faith have faith and enjoy it on their own.
The same is said for those who have Science.

Fighting a pointless war, another social trench.

Nail me to cross and cut out my heart.

Let me hang, leave me to dry.

There are a million more like me, a million more have died before and after, baking in the sun drenched blood fields of conflicts far and wide.

This heart you've faced before, we kneel not.
Take the sword over chains, if life is the measure of self then cut my line short here for I'd rather die free than under your law.

I've taken hit after hit, loss after loss, I've been heart broken, bloodied, bruised, I've been lied to, stolen from and gotten my *** handed back to me.

I stand here still holding my ground because you can't take it all and that way I never lose.

You are of paper, burning under my flame.
You are of wax, resolve melting compared to me.

I am of time, of stone, of fire, I am of soul and heart, of passion and art. I am of steel, of blood.

Your victories are small but many while I have the important battles under my belt, so take your wins while you can because overtime you're fighting an army you can't win.

Now the monks set fire to the holy texts
Let it burn as so did our souls and passions
Now the monks are drinking wine from the vineyards
Each sip sweeter than the last, each sip sweeter than the last.
Do not as we do for we've given all we have and now we watch the flames engulf it.
Now we set fire to the pages to prove that we're men of faith and not just printed sages.
Holy fire ring out the bell, child let there be one final prayer.
Set here in our old ways, watch as we let the fire take us
I say bonfire child some and join the dance.
Come and join the dance

Every night I burn for you
In an alley or hobo bonfire, I arise from the flames to keep you warm.

Every night I follow you to protect you from the things you can not see.
The things you do not know.

For every night with every lighter spark or hobo fire I burn for you.

Too destructive to touch you, I'd not risk causing you harm.
I work in my own way to be close to you.

Every night I paint your picture to gaze on you as my heart cries for you.

Then I turn to ash and follow you by every match strike or hobo fire.

Every bonfire I am there to watch over you.

My warmth will fight the cold off, my light will hold back the dark and I will consume the growth so that greener grass can grow for you.

Every night I paint your picture, then turn to ash when I go to touch you.

So I stick to my fire and flames, I'll fight for you I'll protect you and when the sun rises I am extinguished until you need me again.

When they find my home they'll find a painting of you and a pile of ash, you'll know I was here and you'll be sad you missed me because you remember the last time I kissed you.

Daughter of mine, I was not around then, so I must be around now in my own way.

Flicker in the hearth
The light inside her eyes.

I believe humans mean well and evil actions can't survive;
So let it be, praise be, call out to the streets, overall we'd rather die with dignity than survive in defeat.

I once met a homeless man who spoke of sane things, he lost his home, lost his mind and lived on rat bone meat. He kept his optimistic outlook and spoke of future kind, that homeless man may have suffered and in the end was somehow still kind.

I've been down a little in the wrong side of town.
Somewhere out there that girl still remembers my smile;
I have loved and lost and I have always seen it through.

The stories I tell can be told by any of you, that's not what makes em special. It's what makes them true.

Now the sun gets higher in the sky and the days get warmer and the world keeps spinnin', these are just the way of things.

I have been strungout on the road in bars and under tables.

Left my number in ledgers, left my heart with the girl before you and you'll get to hold it to.

I've never met a woman who I couldn't fall in love with, no matter of five minutes or five years.

My skin is tough, but my back is strong, heart is on my sleeve which is why I always land in trouble.

Always a had a weakness for a cute girl with a killer smile.

So now here I sit at another bar in another town and wonder who I'll be with tonight, it's a question I don't need to ask because I'll never put up a fight. I break the hearts before they break mine, fragile muscles inside a glass case, handle with care, you break it you buy it.

Sadly the truth is neither of us can afford it.

I can let my heart break because it won't end me, it may sting, it may hurt but it won't phase me, it won't affect me as much as you think, I'm just looking for the girl who can heal the pain, who can replace the bottle, who can challenge the sky to take me and make me feel ok.

And so we honor the dead
A thousand unsaid words spoken too late
The field of death marked by flowers and so we grow pretty, oh so pretty in the dirt.

The death takes us and rots us and as we rot from the world we are forgot.

Death takes its toll and so we go into the earth, pretty living things out of pretty dead things.

A baby cried out across the still night.

They beat you down- threw you in that cell- beat you near death gave you hell.

No light that wasn't theirs to make.

Moonlight kissed you through barred windows.

All you could was bleed and plead innocence.

If it don't make dollars it don't make sense and you're talk was cheap here.

The food only made you hungrier.

The water only added to your thirst.

You couldn't cry out, you couldn't fight back- you just lay on the floor and wait for the hours to pass.

Pass day by day, angels weep above as even the devil won't sign your name on the line.

Hard time makes hard people but you stayed true.

They can take your life, they can take your food, they can take your freedom, they can seal you in the dark, they can break the body, snap the mind, the screams echo all the walls- you can only hear it. They can do everything but they can't break your spirit.