i think i look at you too often
not because you are pretty
(well, you are but that's besides the point)
but because i keep wondering
if you are even real
or just something
my brain made up
as a last hope
either way is okay
i love you anyways

midnight again,
i can't seem to sleep
the voices are getting louder
i am cutting more deep

i lay down
while the voices tell me to die
i'm so ******* useless
all i can do is cry

"why would you eat that?
the bullies will just come back again.
you ate one meal throughout the whole day
and now this is the world's end.".

i just want to be normal

i would take my own life
if i even had one

you left me.
                 but i loved you
i thought we would be friends forever.
                 but i loved you
you treated me like ****
                 but i loved you
i wanted to be your friend
                 but i loved you
i guess it was just pretend
                 but i loved you
but i love you
and even though you are awful
i can't seem to let go

it keeps happening
i have no idea why
i look up at the clock
time is ticking by

i have been clean for 23 seconds.
****
that's... that's not a lot.
that's like a whole *** body slam.

i look in the mirror
and try to find a way to hide
the scars and fresh cuts
to keep them out of sight

i don't want them to see
i know they'll just judge me
just like everyone else
leave me alone, please

i don't want to be like this anymore

sure,
but why did you care about me?
no one ever did before.
is this what it feels like
to feel okay?
because i don't recognize this feeling.
not at all.

well
i've been trying to be a good kid all my life
and believe me
it brought me no good
so mark my words.
nobody gives a crap.
do whatever you want
because there is so much more
than just good or bad