I have felt alone since I was a child, but my childhood was filled with smiles. I remember laying in my bed, all these thoughts running through my head. Thoughts that would make a grown man go wild but at the time I was just a child. Surrounded by family and bliss, yet I felt like something was a miss. My mom is the reason for this. Seeing her sit in her wheelchair makes me wanna cry and yet I know all she wants to do is fly. Growing up faster than most made me feel like the out cast like a mother trucking ghost. I feel like my loneliness made me mature faster. However, all I heard was laughter. From kids in my class who didn't understand. Kids in my class that made made me feel dumb but, all I did was bite my tounge. After a while I started to believe that my loniness did achieve making me feel small and wrong, like I was on the wrong end of the tongs. Now I'm 22 and still stuck in this loop.

Thinking of you sometimes it makes me blue, its makes me so stick to my stomach that i feel like i got the flu. Sometimes it is anger sometimes it is much stranger. I feel love, lust, hate, desire i feel like a car running with a flat tire. Sometimes i dream of you and your smile in which i staydreaming for a while. Sometimes i wish you would turn into a pile, a pile of ash because i want you so bad where sometimes i wanna go mad. i wanna run up to you and kiss you other times i just wanna diss you. Evertime i feel like i egnite the fire i feel like such a ******* liar. I lie to myself because you are my one desire, thinking about you gets me higher and higher.

Fire, you are such a ******* liar, which once respected passtion and love, you are not the symple of death and hate. I know when fire is at the gate to my soul. Becuse everything stops being so cold. But with fire comes false hope, i let you in and you take everything and go. Fire burns everything not even the stuff i thought was fire proof is save. It destorys everything down to the last inch of space. Fire can mean love which is always a false symble. It is always in my heart for the wrong reasons and when it leaves everything is burnt and turned into ashes. Fire can be a symble for Passtion. A passtion that i lost long ago, weather it be sports, art, or even just enjoying myself. That fire comes in a burns strong like a hurrican, But when it is done leaves nothing hopeless dreams. Fire is nothing but power, power people take for granted. Use it to there advantage when they see other people are weak. Fire is nothing but a liar which i why i always carry a bucket of water.

Being paranoid is being stuck in a prison in my mind, i and yet i know i comitted no crime, and yet with time i still see no rhyme or reason why i m being blamed fo this teason. It feels like i am going cray or maybe i am just too lazy to look on the bright side of things, oh how i hate how much it stings. Being trampled by your own thoughts is a horrible way to go, i think i'd rather freeze to death in the freezing snow. Everything is real, at least that's how it feels, i feel like i haveto *** but i can never make it gleem. Oh this feeling i dread, sometimes i think i'd rather be dead or at least hit in the head, to get these thoughts out of my mind or at least find a fine line between fiction and reality but thats not going to happen on a little caesers salary. Everything feels real but i know its not, sometimes i wanna go back to smoking ***. i know i need help before i start to yelp. If i dont i feel like ill hang by my neck and by then it will be too late to correct. Being paranoid is being stuck in a prison in my mind, i feel like i commited no crime...

"Strong"
I am weak but was never taught how to be strong, i feel like every thing i do, i do wrong. Standing up for myself is harder than ever, i wish it was as easy as lifting a feather. Being what you are is ok when you're alone in your car, but once you open the door you feel really far from yourself cause you cannot be you, it feels like walking on glass with out a shoe. Yet i know i'll have to teach myself, it won't be in a book i can take off the shelf. I know it is deep inside of me i can tell becuse it feels like it wants to be set free. However, with freedom comes a cost it eats away at some part of me, one i have lost. Being strong is hard exspecaliy when i haveto say no, it makes me feel like i am hated by all who are aflout. On a different note i am going to sink that boat cause there are possitives that yes i must gloat. People tell me i am stronger than i know, but this is one thing i do not like to show. Keeping my mouth shut, minding my own bussiness, and ignoring the past are some of the things i am good at. I love my family thats no lie, i love them like a big piece of home made pie, If you mess with my baby sister i'll turn into a different mister, my anger will come out, i will turn to a demon and you'll think "wow i hope i'm dreaming". After all is said and done i guess i am stronger than i thought i just needed some time to decover myself that's all, maybe i should stop worrying and stand tall.