I've been in the darkness for so long
I forgot how to hear happinesses song
But at last you fall quiet, muffelled by meds
I can finally think for myself now you are out of my head
I see the sun shine,
For the first time,
Without you dulling it's glory
Your presence is a crime
Of my mind
Allowing you to write my story
But now I'm free and believe me
I see you for what you are
You are my demons and my yesterday's
That have left me scared.  
I see the sky blue now, and your darkness is distant,
I will never listen to you again, no matter how insistent.

Your in my head again
You are whispering  sickly sweet temptations,
I close my eyelids to block you out
But you are waiting for me, you have painted the underside of my lids red with blood
My heart beats faster
My brow is awash with sweat
Your words drilling into my brain, echoing throughout.
I want to run, I want to calm down, but now you've gone and done it, I am thirsty for blood.
Feeling excited
Feeling afraid
Feeling out of control
I draw a map of my journey across my flesh with a blade,
Destination self destruct.
The blood runs like soup, I rest my head back and take a breath
What's done is done.
As the bad is purged out so the good can come in, this drug is unforgiving
One must always purge, sooner or later.
At least I have survived today.

My body
Is a road map
Of all my life's journeys.

Good and bad
Mostly bad
But I'm still here

So I guess I'm a survivor.

I saw you this morning
I watched as you descended
As your spidey legs crafted
The silky thread down, extending
Your flesh
To taint mine
You want in
But, I'm not blind.
You seek to poison me
From the inside out
Your whispers call to me
Filling me with doubt
I blink my eyes shut
Moving quickly, I spun
To get away from you
But then you were gone?
They say you are an hallucination.
A trick of my mind
But I now what I saw
I am not blind.
Even if they could see
They are blinkered to the truth
You are back
And there is nothing I can do.

I sometimes feel like I'm evil
It has to be the truth
I keep on hurting everyone
My actions are the proof.

I convince myself I only harmed myself
Yet the truth is I harm all around me
No matter how secretive I am about it
My blood leaves stains on the lives of my family.

I know that my actions effect others
But I can't pretend like everything is okay
My scars are a reminder of my pain
But they also mean I have survived another day.

Time slips away
I know not where
Gazing into space
I do not care

Going through the motions
Day in, day out
Zombie walking
Full of self doubt

Can't rely on my head
To think straight
Seeking self worth
But always arriving late

Playing catch up
Emotions riding high
Then the darkness
And I want to die.

Internal battle
Rageing from day one
Totally exhausted
Feel, I can't go on

But somehow I'm still here
Taking life's blows
Existing in this world
With all its highs and lows.

Eyes stinging with today's tears
Mind spinning with inner fears
Hands shaking trying to hold on
Time slipping as the present is gone
Stomach churning as snakes writhe within
Blood spilling with emotions flowing
Legs trembling as I fail to stand
Heart hurting, struggling  to understand.
Life's on hold,
time stands still
Days grow old,
I've had my fill.