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Jun 2018 · 112
Like a drug
Teresa Davis Jun 2018
Your in my head again
You are whispering  sickly sweet temptations,
I close my eyelids to block you out
But you are waiting for me, you have painted the underside of my lids red with blood
My heart beats faster
My brow is awash with sweat
Your words drilling into my brain, echoing throughout.
I want to run, I want to calm down, but now you've gone and done it, I am thirsty for blood.
Feeling excited
Feeling afraid
Feeling out of control
I draw a map of my journey across my flesh with a blade,
Destination self destruct.
The blood runs like soup, I rest my head back and take a breath
What's done is done.
As the bad is purged out so the good can come in, this drug is unforgiving
One must always purge, sooner or later.
At least I have survived today.
Jun 2018 · 121
So your back
Teresa Davis Jun 2018
I saw you this morning
I watched as you descended
As your spidey legs crafted
The silky thread down, extending
Your flesh
To taint mine
You want in
But, I'm not blind.
You seek to poison me
From the inside out
Your whispers call to me
Filling me with doubt
I blink my eyes shut
Moving quickly, I spun
To get away from you
But then you were gone?
They say you are an hallucination.
A trick of my mind
But I now what I saw
I am not blind.
Even if they could see
They are blinkered to the truth
You are back
And there is nothing I can do.
I fear that the spiders are back to harm me, everyone's saying they are a symptom of my illness, but I see them, i hear them, I can't ignore my own senses.
Mar 2018 · 87
Tired.
Teresa Davis Mar 2018
Eyes stinging with today's tears
Mind spinning with inner fears
Hands shaking trying to hold on
Time slipping as the present is gone
Stomach churning as snakes writhe within
Blood spilling with emotions flowing
Legs trembling as I fail to stand
Heart hurting, struggling  to understand.
Life's on hold,
time stands still
Days grow old,
I've had my fill.
Mar 2018 · 100
I, not we.
Teresa Davis Mar 2018
I've been in the darkness for so long
I forgot how to hear happinesses song
But at last you fall quiet, muffelled by meds
I can finally think for myself now you are out of my head
I see the sun shine,
For the first time,
Without you dulling it's glory
Your presence is a crime
Of my mind
Allowing you to write my story
But now I'm free and believe me
I see you for what you are
You are my demons and my yesterday's
That have left me scared.  
I see the sky blue now, and your darkness is distant,
I will never listen to you again, no matter how insistent.
Jan 2018 · 105
Stained
Teresa Davis Jan 2018
I sometimes feel like I'm evil
It has to be the truth
I keep on hurting everyone
My actions are the proof.

I convince myself I only harmed myself
Yet the truth is I harm all around me
No matter how secretive I am about it
My blood leaves stains on the lives of my family.

I know that my actions effect others
But I can't pretend like everything is okay
My scars are a reminder of my pain
But they also mean I have survived another day.
Dec 2017 · 107
Still here.
Teresa Davis Dec 2017
Time slips away
I know not where
Gazing into space
I do not care

Going through the motions
Day in, day out
Zombie walking
Full of self doubt

Can't rely on my head
To think straight
Seeking self worth
But always arriving late

Playing catch up
Emotions riding high
Then the darkness
And I want to die.

Internal battle
Rageing from day one
Totally exhausted
Feel, I can't go on

But somehow I'm still here
Taking life's blows
Existing in this world
With all its highs and lows.
Nov 2017 · 114
Done it again.
Teresa Davis Nov 2017
My head is so full
Dark thoughts eating away
I need to make it numb
So I hurt myself today

Physical pain is tolerable  
Emotional pain is not
So I’m stuck in a vicious circle
And I don’t know how to stop

No one understands
All they see is a painted smile
But inside I am broken
And have been for a while

Every morning I whisper
Hang on one more day
Trying to convince myself
That I should/want to stay

Constantly in turmoil
I bide my time
I’m screaming HELP!!!
But saying I’m fine

Because no one wants to hear
The truth of my pain
So I keep on smiling
And hurt myself again.
Nov 2017 · 91
Self harm
Teresa Davis Nov 2017
My body
Is a road map
Of all my life's journeys.

Good and bad
Mostly bad
But I'm still here

So I guess I'm a survivor.
Nov 2017 · 82
Demons
Teresa Davis Nov 2017
Like snakes in my belly
I squirm with anxiety
Coiled inside of me
Dark feelings frighten me.

I need to turn this around
Can't go on like this
I need to find something
The life that I have missed

So much going on inside
Finding it hard to think
Darkness encompassing me
Making my heavy heart sink

Voices pecking at my head
Rattar tap tap
Bleeding into my brain
Mocking me with every attack

Twisted and frightened
I walk a lonely path
Self destruction
My epitaph

Darkness in front of me
Darkness behind
I only have the present
In which to survive.
Taking one step at a time.

— The End —