I first met you March 1st, 1998
I don’t know where you were but I saw your face
Even though I don’t remember it, but I love you.
We have spent 9 months learning each other’s heart beats, but now I am left with my own to listen to. But I love you.
I have spent nine months in the warmth of your womb, hearing your beautiful voice soothing me. But now I hear my own, but I love you.
You have given me up. Everyday my mind convinces itself that it’s because you didn’t want me. You didn’t want to be bothered with me, so you just decided to leave me. Even though that might have been your wish, you still carried me for nine months. So, I love you.
You could have easily ended my life before it even begun. But you pushed aside your own body parts, your own organs and made way for my tiny body. I’m sure there were ways that you could have terminated me, but you chose not to. Because of that I love you.
For years I would look in the mirror and play around with my face. Do I have your eyes? Your nose? Do I even look like you? I don’t know the answers to these questions and probably I will never know, but I love you.
When you left my side, I lost all type of protection, warmth and comfort. You were meant to stay by my side and raise me. But you decided to give me away not knowing what will happen to me. Do you wonder where I am? Do you miss me? Because every single day I miss you. The closer I get to my sister and my cousins the more I miss you. You’re not here with me, but I love you.
My love for you almost seems out of place. Sometimes I feel like I should have more resentment towards you for leaving me. But all I feel is love. I don’t know why, but I know that I might be just a small part of you. But you are a large part of me, that I will never be able to reconnect. But, I love you.

I trusted those hands.
I trusted those hands to reach out to me when I needed them.
I wanted them to hold onto my body. Close to his when I trembled.
I trusted those hands.
And I was wrong in doing so.
I never expected his hands to clash onto my body like that and leave it sore from the lashes he took out on me.
His mind clouded with substances the he injected into himself as he swore he needed them.
His eyes bright red as if the Devil himself has possessed his body and mind.
His lips pouring out poisonous words as he called me everything but my name.
His body pushing onto mine. Forcing me to the wall with his hands wrapped tightly around my neck as I gasp for air to fill my aching lungs.
My body frozen. Terrified that is I moved a little even a little bit his hand would wrap around my neck even tighter, if that was possible.
My tears filling my eyes to the point that I could not have seen anything. Maybe that was for the best.
My body mistreated countless times for his own pleasure and needs. The body that I was given it was not mine to have, but his. I was a silent slave caring it around for him as I also carried around the marks that he left on it.
His lifeless body in his coffin due to too many substances in his body was the on by that gave me life.
For years I kept my mouth shut.
My past defined me.
It dictated on how I would react and behave towards people.
People awkwardly asked if they were allowed to touch me.
But I would react negatable.
All because I trusted the wrong hands.
She didn’t want to be a part of me.
I looked in the mirror.
She cried out.
Blaming everything on me.
I tried to console her.
I tried to make her believe that no matter what, she’s beautiful.
She had curves like no other.
Her hair big and soft. Almost like a cloud high up in the sky.
Her eyes like stars, twinkling in the night.
But she did not believe me.
But I wanted to make her mine again.
I wanted to tell her that she belonged to me.
That her place in this world was at my side, in my corner.
But she said no.
She said that because I broker her trust, she will never be back to me.
Because I put her in a situation where I knew it was bad, but I made her stay.
I will spend my entire life trying to get her back.
Because is the one that I want to love.
The one that I love the most.