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Turn the glass doors off
Negative fifty gamma
Slamming my fists against the stanzas
Hoping the blood takes shape
Pour my viscera
Out of my sternum
Emptying this vessel of its organs
And praying for silence

The gates are too bright
I cannot stop the light from finding my eyes
Why do I have to realize this existence
No one can enjoy this
Hope I see you soon
Before the end of my commitment to matter
Is this really everything that
There is to experience?

My joy will come and go
Like the waves lapping abandoned beach houses
It slips away like sands from the fingers
Of my children
Her laughter fills my head
It's the only sound that keeps me tethered to consciousness
I only hear it over a phone line
It doesn't seem real

Turn the glass doors off
Negative fifty gamma
Slamming my fists against the stanzas
Hoping the blood takes shape
Pour my viscera
Out of my sternum
Emptying this vessel of its organs
And praying for silence

Sepia or greyscale
Black, white, ultraviolet
The surge of life is pale
Happiness is violent
Wind in empty fields
A skipping stone in hand
Gliding past ocean tides
Or in the ghost of man
A body like a jail
With hair instead of curves
What purpose is it here for?
Which calling does it serve?
These arms lack definition
Legs that don't go far enough
A crack leaking the passion
A firewall for love

Turn the glass doors off
Negative fifty gamma
Slamming my fists against the stanzas
Hoping the blood takes shape
Pour my viscera
Out of my sternum
Emptying this hollow shell of ***
I pray for euphoria
Too many emotions for a focused answer
Fall asleep in Alaska
Interlocked with grey.
Blackout curtains I pinned up
To drive away the day.
The only time I know I'm safe
Is when you're next to me:
My mind is finally quiet
And I don't want a drink.

Blue light glowing from the screen
And your hand on my thighs,
I let my ears do all the work:
You made me close my eyes.
As long as you're inside my home
You're sober and you're mine.
You can't be tempted to go out,
At least not for some time.

Heat from the oven turned up
And radiating arms
Reminding us that we're enough
And shielding us from harm.
Without you, I am spiraling
And losing sense of self,
Always thinking of your love
And praying for your health.

The world always feels so small
If you're somewhere in town.
I hope that you knock on my door
And we can settle down.
You know I always check to see
If you forgot to call
But you are drowning just like me
We're human, after all.

If you want to feel safe again
When you're falling apart,
Remember that where we left off
Is where we will restart.
I'll help you not to shake and cry
When you just need to sleep
And I'll be here to hold you close
When we're both sinking deep.
❤️
An electric wave
Of inescapable laughter
And unwavering nostalgia---
Something like love, but all-encompassing---
For all the people I've ever met,
Who have ever hurt me, and who I hurt,
Becomes the only visceral truth
That shines in front of me like
A sunset, in endless empty fields.

This is the cumulative impact
Of meeting a personified tsunami.
A woman I have never seen
And barely heard,
But who has made me feel more alive
Than so many of the cacophanous,
Immeasurable, conflagrative, relentless
Chaotic blends of memories
Drowned by self abuse and the
Scrambling power of years,
So untrustworthy, like a picture you stare at
Through tears.
Impressionism and abstract mania
Have assembled the puzzle of experience
That is who I am.

And yet, when the projector clicks on
And we all sit in seats separated by
Miles and wifi signals, there is an
Immediate connection,
A pull of sorrow and whimsy.

It feels silly to put your influence
Into words, when all that really comes
Is imagery.

Grass tall enough to lie in
Like a lion, and disappear
Endless blue skies and the warmth
Of a sun that loves you
And wants to keep you alive.
A person with such ferocity of presence
That an explosion can hardly compare,
But with compassion and embracing
Flurries of acceptance.

Words flow from you like petals
In a spring wind
And the world seems more colorful
When you speak.

With all the sincerity I can muster,
I can honestly say with all the love,
That no one appreciates life the way you do.

And you deserve everything.

I'm really glad I met you.
Frozen under weighted sheets
Shaking like love struck junkies
My throat and stomach sinking
Dark mode streams flickering
Close the blinds, move the cat
I want the inside to be black
Some day maybe I'll be back
But somehow I really doubt that
Remember how the car looked
When it wasn't a folded book?

— The End —