I am not going to sugar coat it, I hate you. I hate you for making me fall in love with you when you **** well knew we weren't going to work out. Why wouldn't we work out? Oh, because you're a ******* liar. I have no idea who you are. Your whole being is non-existent to me. You're not real. The sad part is, you didn't even fight to make me stay. There's no way in hell I would stay either way, but it would have been nice to know you actually did love me. Obviously every "I love you" was a lie too. I meant nothing to you. I hate you for making me feel important when we both know I am nothing. I will always be nothing. I'm just everyones toy that gets tossed in the corner whenever they're tired of playing with me. That is all I will ever be. I just wish you saw me differently.


                                B.S.

I felt so safe around him. Little did I know how dangerous he actually was. He was toxic. With snap of his fingers I was under his command. He could make me do anything even if I wasn't willing to do it. I like to tell myself he meant nothing, but he meant the world to me and more.
He made me hate myself, but I loved him.  
He hurt me more often than I'd like to admit, but his sweet nothings could make me forget everything in an instant.
He made me want to die, but he's the reason I'm still alive.
He picked me up, but pushed me right back down into the dark abyss I was previously in.
He told me he loved me, but he's the reason I can't stand myself.
I was scared. Scared of what I would be without him. He made me who I am.  I was addicted, but I lost him.


                      
                                  B­.S.

"What do you hide behind your smile?"*
Behind my smile, you'll find the pain of multiple heart breaks.
Behind my smile, you'll find the deaths of people who I still haven't accepted to be gone.
Behind my smile, you'll find an insecure girl who won't allow you to see any piece of her.
Behind my smile, you'll find a lost soul.
Behind my smile, you'll find the millions of times I've said "I'm fine" when really I was in indescribable pain.
Behind my smile, you'll find unspeakable thoughts.
Behind my smile, you'll find the stress of trying to make my parents proud because I'm considered the "**** up" child.
Behind my smile, you'll find my love for sad songs.
Behind my smile, you'll find my love for twisted love stories.

Behind my smile, you'll find things you would never expect.

                                  B.S.

I still have blood on my hands from the last boy's heart I tore out who thought he had the chance to get close to me. Well, he thought wrong.



                                 B.S.

I had the same dream over and over again and I had no idea what it meant. Someone was trying to **** me in my own home, and everytime they went to stab me, they missed. It was terrifying especially since I had no idea who it was.  The last time I had the dream, I saw who was on the other end of the knife. It was me. I was trying to **** myself.

Maybe I was trying to tell myself something. Maybe  that I do have the strength to keep living.




                              B.S.

Parents teach us so many life lessons, but they never teach us about how hard it is to be in love. Being in love is the most beautiful, but most awful thing in existence. Love turns us into monsters. You'll do things you never thought you were capable of. Love will be what destroys you. You think you'll be okay without the person when they leave, but you won't be. All you'll be able to do is wonder what you could have possibly done differently to make them stay, what you did wrong, and how they could have left you so easily if they "loved" you. You'll realize that they were the one who made you feel weightless. But guess what? That feeling with disappear the moment they step out of your life.  You'll feel like you're drowning. All emotions will be drained from your body and you'll feel empty. Maybe numb if you're lucky. Don't worry, though. Things do get better. But that one special person will always hold a piece of your heart. They'll always be in the back of your mind. One day, someone else will come along and you'll forget about all your past pain. But beware. Don't allow the cycle to repeat itself. Take my advice: Save yourself. Don't fall in love.



                                 B.S.

Sometimes it feels like the world is going to end..
Life is hard.
People aren’t who you think they are...not everyone is good
But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be
Jobs aren’t always easy
Money isn’t always abundant
Friends come and go
Relationships end
The only consistent thing in life is yourself
As cliche as it is, everything happens for a reason
People leave your life because you don’t need them
The job you left wasn’t right for you
Your significant other was not your person like you thought they were
You are the most important person in your life
So take care of yourself
Let go of toxic things in your life
Buy that item you’ve been itching to have
Call in from work once in awhile
Give yourself a break
If you don’t love the life you have, change what is in your control
In the end, it’s not going to matter
Life isn’t forever
Be who you want to be
Love who you love
Do what makes you happy
Don’t worry about what other people think
Just give yourself a chance.