I've always had a thing for tales of forbidden love and twisted love stories.

Maybe that's why I've been craving you.


                                 B.S.

"What do you hide behind your smile?"*
Behind my smile, you'll find the pain of multiple heart breaks.
Behind my smile, you'll find the deaths of people who I still haven't accepted to be gone.
Behind my smile, you'll find an insecure girl who won't allow you to see any piece of her.
Behind my smile, you'll find a lost soul.
Behind my smile, you'll find the millions of times I've said "I'm fine" when really I was in indescribable pain.
Behind my smile, you'll find unspeakable thoughts.
Behind my smile, you'll find the stress of trying to make my parents proud because I'm considered the "**** up" child.
Behind my smile, you'll find my love for sad songs.
Behind my smile, you'll find my love for twisted love stories.

Behind my smile, you'll find things you would never expect.

                                  B.S.

10:23: Hey, I miss you.
11:47: I hope you're okay.
1:19: Please text me back, I'm worried.
2:10: Come back. Come back. Come back.
3:14: I'm so sorry.
3:26: I love you. Please reply.
3:58: Okay, well I'll be here if you need me.
4:17: I love you.

He never replied, but I'm still waiting.


          

                                 B.S.

Abandoned buildings, towns, homes, and everything in between have always sparked my curiosity. Each of them have a story to tell which I yearn to hear.  

Maybe that's why I've always been so drawn to you.


                                  B.S.

I still have blood on my hands from the last boy's heart I tore out who thought he had the chance to get close to me. Well, he thought wrong.



                                 B.S.

I drown myself in
***** hoping that
I'll find
h
      a
            p
          p
        i
     n
e
   s
s
at the bottom of the bottle
Sadly, the only thing I
find is
y
  o
    u

And that's who I'm trying to forget.



                                   B.S.

I am one of the hardest people to love. If you want a challenge, I guess I'm your girl. There are a few things you should know about me, though. 1. I most likely won't trust you even though you've never wronged me. 2. I'll push you away every chance I get. Don't let me, though. I secretly want you to stay. 3. I get upset over the smallest things. 4. I'm very good at making people feel guilty. 5. I laugh at everything to keep myself from crying.
6. I let all my sadness and anger build up until I explode. 7. I am extremely stubborn and will never admit I'm wrong. 8. I hate being told what to do, so don't try pushing me around. I won't allow it. 9. I am very clingy and protective. There are reasons for that which I am not willing to explain.
10. I figure out everything so don't try lying to me. Chances are I already know the truth. 11. I hate myself. Don't ask me why. Don't tell me to love myself. Don't expect me to love me just because you do. 12. I am very insecure. If you compliment me and I tell you no, it's not because I'm fishing for more compliments or begging for attention, I just don't believe your comment to be true. 13. I can't handle arguments. If we get in a fight, I'll most likely walk out. Let me go. It's for the best. I promise I'll come back. 14. I'll love you uncondionally. Please don't take advantage of that. 15. I like going on adventures and keeping myself busy. Please don't try holding me back. I won't stay. 16. I have days where I won't speak a word. Don't try forcing me to talk. We'll both end up frustrated. 17. I won't let you in easily.
18. I like to know every detail about people, but I won't let them know a thing about me. 19. I get excited over the smallest things, especially sunsets. If I make you drop everything to come look at it, just go with it. 20. Half the things I do, don't make sense. I'll laugh at myself, so laugh along with me.
If there's something on this list you won't be able to handle, don't bother with me.

I won't change myself for you.


                                   B.S.

I felt so safe around him. Little did I know how dangerous he actually was. He was toxic. With snap of his fingers I was under his command. He could make me do anything even if I wasn't willing to do it. I like to tell myself he meant nothing, but he meant the world to me and more.
He made me hate myself, but I loved him.  
He hurt me more often than I'd like to admit, but his sweet nothings could make me forget everything in an instant.
He made me want to die, but he's the reason I'm still alive.
He picked me up, but pushed me right back down into the dark abyss I was previously in.
He told me he loved me, but he's the reason I can't stand myself.
I was scared. Scared of what I would be without him. He made me who I am.  I was addicted, but I lost him.


                      
                                  B­.S.

Parents teach us so many life lessons, but they never teach us about how hard it is to be in love. Being in love is the most beautiful, but most awful thing in existence. Love turns us into monsters. You'll do things you never thought you were capable of. Love will be what destroys you. You think you'll be okay without the person when they leave, but you won't be. All you'll be able to do is wonder what you could have possibly done differently to make them stay, what you did wrong, and how they could have left you so easily if they "loved" you. You'll realize that they were the one who made you feel weightless. But guess what? That feeling with disappear the moment they step out of your life.  You'll feel like you're drowning. All emotions will be drained from your body and you'll feel empty. Maybe numb if you're lucky. Don't worry, though. Things do get better. But that one special person will always hold a piece of your heart. They'll always be in the back of your mind. One day, someone else will come along and you'll forget about all your past pain. But beware. Don't allow the cycle to repeat itself. Take my advice: Save yourself. Don't fall in love.



                                 B.S.