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B Jan 2015
You gave me butterflies
But not the gentle, colorful kind
Not the kind I captured in jars
As a child  
You gave me butterflies*
But they had dangerous wings
Made of shards of glass
And broken promises
You gave me butterflies
That sliced through my stomach
Leaving hundreds of tiny gashes
You gave me butterflies
Which I never thought would be so painful.


B.S.
B Jan 2015
It's curretly 2:18 a.m. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor drunk and crying so hard I can't breathe. There are so many things going through my mind. My current thought is what I did that was so wrong that you treated me like ****. I loved you with everything I had and more. I was the one who would stay up with you until ungodly hours trying to convince you that you are important. That you are loved. That you are special. I was the one who loved you through thick and thin. I was the only one who was there when you felt broken. I was the one who was constantly there for you. I was the one who would do anything for you. I was the one who would give up everything for you. I was the one who tried so hard to make you happy no matter how badly I was hurting. I was the one who loved you. That wasn't enough for you, though. You pushed me down and every time I tried to pick myself back up, you'd push me down harder than the previous time. You drained me. I was hurting and you didn't care. The only time you seemed to care was when I was planning on leaving because I couldn't take it anymore. You were selfish. All you thought about was yourself and what you were gaining from me. Even when you finally tried to let me go, you drew me back in with your stupid "I love you's" and ******* it, I can't believe I fell for that. The only thing I gained from you was self-hatred. You're the reason why I hate myself. You're the reason why I'm so insecure. You're the reason why I can't stand myself. You're the reason why I can't be alone for long periods of time because who knows what I'll do to myself. You claimed that you loved me, but you don't do that to someone you love.


                              B.S.
B Jan 2015
...
He tore out my
heart
so you sewed it back
into my
chest
But instead of allowing it to
heal
you pulled out each
stitch
one by one



B.S.
Why?
B Jan 2015
I hate you
I hate the way you laugh
I hate the way your eyes squint when you smile
I hate your long, skeleton-like fingers
I hate your freckles that scatter across your nose and cheeks
I hate your long legs
I hate your body
I hate your messy brown hair
I hate your bruised skin
I hate your knobby knees
I hate the way you laugh
I hate your voice
I hate how you wrinkle your forehead
I hate how you lock your heart away from people
I hate how negative you are
I hate how you let people use you
I hate how you can't tell people "no"
I hate how you give in so easily
I hate how you care about people who don't give a **** about you
I hate how you love people more than they love you
I hate how you fall for lies
I hate how you care about what people think
I hate how you try so hard to please people
I hate how ditzy you can be
I hate how you can be so clueless to the outside world
I hate how you make the same mistakes over and over again
I hate how you let things get to you
I hate how you're so forgiving
I hate how you give everyone a chance
I hate how you give people second chances when they don't deserve it
I hate how you feel guilty about everything even when you've done nothing wrong
I hate how you let people take advantage of you
I hate how sad you are
I hate how you hide your feelings
I hate how you bottle everything up until you blow
I hate how you break people's hearts
I hate how you don't care
I hate how you don't have motivation to do anything
I hate how you get annoyed so easily
I hate how you're willing to do anything for people who wouldn't even lift a finger for you
I hate how you give yourself to people to fill the void inside you
I hate how your body constantly shakes because you're always nervous about something
I hate how you feel trapped
I hate how your chest gets tight when you think about how much you miss him
I hate the way you treat yourself


I hate how much I hate myself*


                                B.S.
B Jan 2015
?
She's the kind of girl
who's been left multiple
times, but doesn't have
the heart to leave him
no matter how badly
she's been hurt.
B Jan 2015
Her
You told me you wanted me.
But you already had her.
You told me you needed me.
But it was obvious you needed her more.
You told me you wished I was there with you more than anything.
But she was already there.
You told me I meant the world to you.
But she was your whole world.
You told me you were in love with my eyes.
But you were lost in hers.
You told me you wanted to kiss me.
But her saliva was already on your tongue.
You told me you loved me.
But you were in love with her.


                                B.S.
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