Susana

Susana Jun 2017

The drugs take me away
From everything
The things people say
Away the truth
Away from all the secrets and the pain
Away from the difficulty of keeping a mind
That was never really mine
How can I love
When I know not
Who I really am
A distorted reality
For a distorted dove

Susana Jun 2017

Uselessly Used

A love that held no substance
A boy that was confused
A boy that I thought would be my husband
I saw children in my future
Only to be left feeling useless
At the same time used

Susana Jun 2017

Ramblings Unhinged

Unhinged
Waiting for my world to end
Only I'm here to stay
I'm here to break or
Maybe just bend
I'm not sure
The only thing clear
I'm no longer pure
I'm horribly stained
I have seen too much
I have felt an unimaginable pain
Along with betrayal
Seen too much evil and such
I think it's time for end
But when do you know
When do you know that it is too much
When do you know there is nothing good
Nothing good around the bend
Nothing good the gods have left to send
Does it come when others
Realize there is no light left in your eyes
When they see
Every word you say
Is a lie

Susana Nov 2016

Untitled

Boys always fawn
Only for a moment
They say it's something they feel
And stupid me
I think it's real
This is the cause of my torment
It created a hate so strong
I don't know what to do
I innately know something's wrong
But I don't want to make it right
It started with a boy
He seemed so sure
I thought his feelings were pure
He was in love
Just for a moment
Then he wasn't
That's when this hate came to be
I'm letting this hate
This darkness encase me

Susana Mar 2016

Endless Days and Nights

I remember the first time I saw you
You saw me too
I was filled with joy
Because
I thought you were the perfect boy
But I was mistaken
You were a man
And I could see
The perfect man for me
You caught me looking
When you looked my way
I saw your eyes
They were the color of the night sky
You smiled and came my way
You greeted me
And I was so tongue tied
I didn't know what to say
That was love at first sight
And now I see you everyday and night

Susana Mar 2016

Sinking

It was silly of me to think
That my life was a ship
That would not sink
In these roaring waves
I was floating adrift
Lost at sea
The one no one would save
I saw the beauty in life
As well as the horror
Just like one sees the beauty of the ocean
And the danger of the waves

Susana Feb 2016

This Ache

I like to pretend that my feelings for him
Aren’t really there
That;s hard to do though
When I feel this ache in my chest
All because I still care

It’s hard to pretend I don’t care
When I’m in love with you
I’ll say I’m not
Only deep down I do
Deep down I always knew

He was supposed to be mine
Even though I don’t feel it
I’ll tell everyone I’m fine

The tears that fill my eyes
The ones I won’t let fall
They speak my truths
Everyone sees their hidden depth
That’s why my eyes
They have the power to enthrall

Not him though
He won’t allow himself to fall
I can see it though
He wants to
He wants me to let go of all my truths
Of everything I hide
Everything he wish he knew

Only I can’t do that
So I’ll keep on pretending
Hoping no one else falls for the trap
That are my eyes
Waiting for the one who won’t allow himself to fall
Waiting for him to give in to the thrall