“School outfits” in the search bar
The only accessories I see are gold hoops and a thin waist
I’ve always been more of a silver girl

My goal time and time again is to know you in a way no one has or does.
Maybe she knows you inside out,
Then I’m going to know you upside down.
I’m always looking for a new angle,
Our angle.

I’m gay.
But don’t worry.
I’m not so gay I make your eyes hurt
I wear leggings and t shirts three times a week
so my outfits aren’t so hard to swallow
Oh I’m sorry I hope my short hair isn’t too much for you to digest
Don’t let that hairball keep you coughing
Or at least try to keep yourself from choking untill you see the girl I held hands with last week
She was wearing fish net tights
Do you need some water with that?
Don’t worry her parents make her go to church on Sunday
How about some salad?
She makes the best salad.
Oh I’m sorry is it hard to chew with your mouth so far open?

Pick me apart like food in front of you.
After all it’s purpose is only to be consumed
Eat up.
I hope I made it easy for you to clean your plate.

Why can’t I just fully relax?
You take it all away
So why can I feel a little part of myself hesitate instead of melting in the mediocrity of ur arms holding me time and time again
Shouldn’t I melt more under more of your light
Maybe I won’t let myself be consumed
What’s left when the water evaporates?
What’s left for me if I’m beading into dew drops?
I’m not ready to start all over
I’m not willing to collect myself again
So I say I won’t let myself melt
Not yet at least
But the water cycle has its ways
And ice wont last long in the heat of may

October always offers something to remember
I tuck away memories in brown and orange leaves
Every year like clockwork
I know October will be at least one moment
At least one pause in time

A new pair of initials carved into the tree in my mind
The bark peels
But never falls
Polaroid pictures buried in a time capsule
One that is dug up to often to truly forget about it

I never want to miss October
The leaves may have fallen
But not without pausing in the air

I slip back and forth between the idea
Of getting better
Or falling apart entirely

I always see that girl you had a crush on.
Maybe you still do.
You should have picked her.

I changed your name in my phone
It hurt to much to look at it
But the idea of you changing mine
Shatters me into a million peices
Over and over again.

I gave you a name
I had to cut your stem
Please don’t pass me by quickly
I can’t bare to watch your flowers wilt

Melting in my melancholy
My heart bittersweetly beating
Only for you

I Stir bits of myself
into your tea leaves
At the bottom of the cup
I hope you can see me

I can do little bits of everything
But I’m never breath taking
I’m so tired of being second best

I’m just so tired

I feel sick
I know I’m not sick

But I still feel sick

I feel like I can’t breath
I know I can breath

But I still feel like I can’t breath

You don’t understand do you

Maybe if
I cut my hair

Maybe if-
Maybe if-

It won’t change anything

there is nothing left
I’ve changed everything
There is nothing left for me to fix

I guess I’m just ugly

I love you.
I love you more than painterly sunsets
And misty autumn morning
I love you more than dew drops
And rain on the window when it’s pouring
I love you more than all the little things that keep me going
Because I don’t need them anymore
You keep me going

Nothing feels real
Possibilities live in my head
While at the same time
Hope is dead.

I could spend so much time
Lost in thought
Feeling the tears carve thier way down my face
Watching them fall

I want to starve
But I want to eat
It used to be easy to push my plate away
And I thought with more depression
It would be easier

Empty head
Empty stomach
Everything feels different
But I’m not gonna cry to you again
You feel just as empty as I do

Gravity pulls my glasses down my nose
While the weight of the world closes my eyes
I would push them up
But I don’t want to see your right now
It would only hurt more

Why did I let you read it
This meant so much to me
My one safe place
Now the words I wrote about you in painful ink
Are on display for you to see
If you actually pay attention to the words

How can I teach you to breath
When right now I’m not even sure how

I told you I would be there
But what Do I say
…Im sorry

This word stands out among many others
For some reason this word feels innocent
It feels like giggles
It feels like bubbles popping in my stomach
Not like butterflies
But the feeling before I knew what butterflies were

Live just to die
Beauty so rarely seen
Consumes for only a month
With just a week with its wings
Just a week
A week to entrance
A week to lead someone through the woods
A week to never show urself truly
And a week to break a girls heart
Over the internet
When she reads that this angelic moth only lives for a week.

How can somebody who used to disappear into the crowd suddenly always appear in the foreground of my mind?
How can they consume my every waking thought?
How can they be the cause of bursts of joy and hours of melancholy?
How can so many tears be shed over a single persons simple words?
Why must me entire effort and spirit seem to exist for that person?
And how can these feeling disappear so fast?

There is so many things I could be sad about,
But I love the feeling when the littlest thing causes me to smile, so I’ll simply focus on…

The butterfly above my head
My best friend in the world or
That sweet little thing he said

The feeling of dancing in the rain
The text they sent that made me so happy
Or the feeling right after the pain

The comforting arm around my shoulder
A happy shade of yellow
Or the moment you watch her grow bolder

Every action you make can effect someone or something around you, so remind someone who needs it about the little joys of life.

There are lovely lies I tell myself
Each and everyday
But it is the only way that I can be
Myself which is ok
I tell myself that
That rude girl is just self conscious
Mabey tomorrow will be better
I tell myself the glass is half full
And that my life can and will get better

The thing about these lies is
I don’t know if they are true
But for me this method works
And Mabey it will work for you

And mabey, or at least I hope that,
One day,

I will believe these lovely lies

Anxiety is sickness
Anxiety is not knowing what to do
Anxiety is hurt that effects so much
It becomes a part of you
Anxiety isn’t being anxious
Anxiety isn’t fear
Anxiety is painful
Anxiety draws you near
People say that they have it
People say they share your pain
But this word is misused
And it’s not something to gain
Anxiety effects you daily
It effects you all the time
So before you use this word, think,
Is this word really mine?

For a while I have wondered why this website has such drab black and white colors.
But I have come to the conclusion that the fonts themselves are black to allow for the beautiful colors that emerge from the poems to overwhelm the viewers, and bring color to your mind, rather than your vision.

I taste the salt of my tears
as a smile spreads from ear to ear

sometimes the most bitter of emotions
come from a joyful heart that's open

you bring my head such mixes
of magical emotion elixirs

My joy, my pain, my sorrow,
is something you offer to borrow

rather than walk in my shoes
you walk in my feelings, of which I cant choose

I breath deep before I am swallowed by another wave
tossed up and over, my situation is grave
I know it will be the last time I breach
So I deeply inhale, life barley in reach

under the water my eyes slowly adjust
I survey my surroundings not sure what to trust  
But my fear melts away as my mind seems to absorb
the beauty that is the colors found on the ocean floor
I begin to bob and dance about
bubbles flying out of my nose like a powerful spout

but my joy seems to come to a halt
for among the beauty I have spotted such a small fault
I see another me lying in the sand
I am absorbed within myself, I know this is the end

underappreciated
underestimated
they take tears and yells and are told that they are hated
they withstand it all and fight to keep you safe
a mother is the person who changes your fate
they dry all your tears
they flood you with love
so appreciate your mother
and give her a hug

every day you are there
I was you from afar
through a windows glare
you run and you jump
reminding me of
some one who once was
she was there then she wasn't
gone with the wind
my heart was once frozen
then you came to me
from what seems from above
and i know it seems silly
but i confess to you my love.

I fall
I rise
I burst into flame
I meet my demise
Snow on my ashes
Rain on my ashes
Once a memory
A small bird passes
I grasp on to the shred I have left
Of my life once before
Before I met my end