I think the fourth time might be the charm
Let me in I mean no harm
I’ll tidy up the messes made
Show you life’s complex game
Only do things if the feelings right
These thoughts have me up all night

Everyone knows I only write
When I’m feeling blue
This isn’t an outlet
It’s a distress signal to you

You seem like you’re doing well
My brain is in eternal hell
Young man can’t catch a break
Suffered too much heartbreak
All I wanna do is drive and cruise
Spending as much time as I can with you

I just wanna understand
How you get things
That I can’t comprehend
What is this ability
That you’ve been hiding
I know I had road blocks
But the **** you’ve said
Should have turned em to rocks

Since when did forever
Have a stop sign

I just want to sit and talk
For hours or days
There’s so much there to say
Name the price, I’ll pay

Reconnecting with old ties
Music is where old memories lie
This entire past week with you
Has benefited more than I knew
It made me miss the old times
Literally just riding around getting high
Im glad we got to meet another time
Life has an odd way of keeping us inner twined

I get to deep in my head
To the point it turns to dread
I’m sorry I’m so persistent
I’m just too consistent
I always come on too strong
Kiss the :) so long

Is it the fact I text back to fast
Is it that I catch feelings too quick
Or is it the fact I’m a ****

It hasn’t been long
But it feels so wrong
To be laying in this bed
Without you
Laying here alone
My thoughts they roam
I’m sorry for all the wrongs
I did to you
We’ve made our peace
Laid to rest, deceased
But I will always
Love you

It’s been a long time since I’ve picked up a pen
It’s just me and my brains again
Left alone with my thoughts at night
I’m the only one to blame for it right
I could have done more
Yes I know it’s true
I tend to you in May
But forget you in June

I just wanna say hey it’s going to be okay
Skies always change after they’re gray.
I’ve been off a lot lately
My brains been blowing up baby

There’s one little line
That constantly eats at my mind
It’s the one thing you said
When I saw you for the last time
“Why didn’t I meet you later in life”
Cut through my chest like a knife
I was too mature for you
That’s something we both know
But I promised you I’d give you
All the time to grow
But you couldn’t wait
You had to escape

I still check on you
I hate it, but it’s true
Why can’t it just go away?
Name the price, I’ll pay
I’m sick and tired of feeling like this
4 years and I still feel like ****?
Honestly if I could talk to you one time
I’d get some closure from you this time
Every other time we spoke
I was holding on to one thing, hope
But today sitting here
I can tell we are too far from that dear

As I lay here at 5:30 AM I just can't take it all in. Moving away was something that I always wanted. It's just so different I can't really word it. I'm happy to be out here but I'm a little sick inside. Being so far away from everything that's been by my side. So close to having a brand new life. But my old one just started 2 months before I left it behind. They say my writing is great. But sometimes I can't believe it. Just stories of hard times that have controlled the way that my mind has been created. I think of all the masses. My mental isn't always focused upon the women's *****. Yes it strays there sometimes in the moment. But I want a girl that I can click with for eternity. And then eventually lead to her maternity. I want a mental, intellectual, and physical bond. I don't wanna repeat my last. I was in love it destroyed me when it crashed. But even the titanic sunk. Not everything is unbreakable even though if it says it was. We sank. And I find myself here. Slightly addicted to nicotine with a hole of despair. She doesn't know the plans that I had. But now it's too late to get them back. I need to get over her completely yes I do. But sometimes there's reasons your mind won't let you. I cry about her sometimes when I'm lonely. Idk if it's her or the fact I need someone to hold me. Next month it'll be a year. Since that day we shared both our tears. I cradled her in my arms. And we sat there and tore ourselves apart. It didn't make sense. Honestly it still doesn't. It affected you so much. So why didn't you stop it? All you had to do was ******* communicate. But since you didn't our lives have a different fate. I would have given you everything in the world. You would have been decked out in diamonds and pearls. I loved you so ******* much. But I guess my love couldn't compare to the buzz...

When I think of you it stops
We were never as high as the tree tops
But I promise you that day my heart stopped
When you told me our time was clocked
My mind never comprehended
But yours made a quick decision
I’ve moved on to better days
That, I truly can say
My brain isn’t completely corrupt of you
And my eyes finally see blue
So In a few words thank you

When the words in my head just can’t come together
I feel like I’m put together
Feelings haven’t come back in a long time but that’s whatever
I’ve moved on and that’s for the better
If only my mind could believe what my heart does
This internal battle would be done
I love her so much but is this what it truly is

It’s Valentines Day,
I thought of you today.
Our last one was great
Atleast that’s what I think
I wonder how you’re doing now
I’m doing great it just took awhile
Honestly I want to catch up soon
There’s so much I’ve been dying to tell you
I want to tell you thank you for breaking my heart,
Leaving me there alone,
To mend my self together body part by body part.
I want you to hear all the truth
You were the only girl I thought would ever do.
And the last thing to go over will be
That I hope you find you
Because once I did that myself
My skies turned bright blue

When you look at me
It takes my breathe away
On nights you have to leave
I want you to stay
That’s why I’m so quick
That we get our own place
I want to spend my time with you
I want to spend my life with you
Some people say “it’s too soon”
But they’ve never fell in love with you

Look me in my eyes
I promise you it will be okay
Communication is key
That’s something we both say
But why is it when I don’t open up
You beg and pry and plea
And always say “it’s okay; talk to me”
But yet when you show these signs
I tell you the same
But you roll over in bed
And let your brain drift away

I lose myself in my mind at night
You always tell me it will be alright
But too bad that this time it isn’t
I feel trapped inside this prison
Overthinking is so problematic
All these thoughts make me feel like an addict
My mood, it always stays static
I finally tell them everything
And that’s when they start to panic

Why do you choose to enter my mind
At the most inconvenient of times
Last night while I was asleep
You snuck through the window
and into my dreams
How long is it going to take
for me to forget your name
I’ve sealed myself away
But this time you stayed
Why isn’t it as easy for you to leave my mind
As it was for you to walk out of that door

I thought about you today.
Why the **** can you not go away?

When I’m laying next to you
Everything feels new
All the stains have been bleached white
I can finally fall asleep at night
You entered my mind and wrecked it
But that’s exactly what I needed this second
You broke down all my walls
You even stayed there for the fall
Just so you could rebuild me
Into the person I want to be
Patch up every hole that was left
Worked hard with every breath
To make sure I could contest

Nicotine constantly in my system
All you had to do was listen
Everything I said to you
All that ****, it was true
But you had selective hearing
Did I ******* mean anything?

I sit in a room and imagine the thousands of eyes staring at me judging.
Yet I sit in a room that's empty.
I worry about everything that I'm going to come in contact today.
Yet I won't even leave my house.
I think about how bad the conversations with you would go.
Yet I refuse to even pick up my phone to text you.

Rain is hitting the window seal.
Here I am sitting still.
Wanting to live the life that's mine.
That's impossible with you trapped in my mind.
I met this girl and she filled me up with light.
I don't understand why I think of you at night.
Two years without experiencing a sunrise.
Woke up a little over a month ago to one staring back into my eyes.

Every night I had when I was younger
I would pray for it to end, not to get stronger
I regret every one of those thoughts
If one time it had come true
I would have never met you
You came through out of the blue
And had me lost standing, there didn’t have a clue
What on earth you could do
Not once did I expect you to enter and renew
Everything that had expired in my heart
You entered and you became a part
We can’t ever be apart

Two and a half years I have searched
For a girl that would make that time worth
I'm not saying that one is you
But I wouldn't be upset if it's true
You came in so unexpected
And not once has that been regretted

Tell me it's okay
That's all you need to do
Reinforce the fact
It's okay to love you
Be my fields of yellow
I see when I feel blue
Be with me forever
That's all I ask of you

I'm way too close to my emotional side
And one day that may be my demise
I overthink situations in my head
Over and over again
For in life
They never happen
I consistently thought about you
For a year or two
Until the other night
I met someone new
They told me I didn't have to be 100% over you
And if I never got there it would be totally cool
I will be forever thankful for them
And if not a partner I'll at least gain a friend
And with them around
I don't think I'll have a heartbreak again

I look deep into you
But I wanna see even more
I can tell by the look in your eyes
You can't shut this door
You let me in your life
Now my words make everything sound right
Last night was a very sleepless night
But my actions made everything feel right

Flowers, grass, and trees
I look around and that's all I see
Walking down this path all alone
My eyes and brain start to roam
My eyes spot a little flower
My brain begins to grow sour
Looking at something beautiful stings
Not physically but my knees get weak
I stumble over to get a closer look
Pick it up and begin to break down.
Before I found you I always frowned
Now I smile only when you're around

I've been happy
I've been sad
I've even driven myself mad
Thinking about me and you
Everything we used to do
Fourth of July staring at the moon
Knowing that we were falling soon
Holding you wishing time would stop
Staring deeply at the watch you bought
I still wear it everyday
No wonder when I think of you
It's at that time of the day

She shares her name with a flower
Together I hope we bloom
Come lay with me and I promise
To hold you from dusk until noon
My life was feeling cloudy
Until I met you
My world was so dark
But you give it a whole other hue

You say you know how I feel
Please come sit in my mind a bit
I promise you don't have to stay long
A second or up to a minute
And you'll have your fit
You'll wonder how I got so far along
Well I'll tell you it's the songs
There's one that specifically spoke to me
Track number 24
There's one person that knows this
And she also knows much more
She knew me before the heart break
And she was my first heart ache
She was everything and more
But I ****** up
We all make mistakes.
Mine just seem to want to come in waves.
Feeling like the keys, they just washed away
Unlike gnash these feelings won't fade
There isn't a day when my brain
Isn't filled with beautiful images of her face
I want to say **** it and make it end
But my weapon of choice isn't your typical smith and wesson
It's a pen.

One more night of you coming home late.
I swear that's all that it's gonna take.
To make me feel like it's all forgotten. Reinforcing the fact, we hit rock bottom. ****, I just need to know what caused all this ****.
To make my mind go back in time,
And start to reminisce.

On the fact,that we had it all.
Your phone rings, ignore the call.
Never there, even in the fall.
What the hell caused you to drop the ball.
Laid back on that chill ****.
Tell me can you feel this.
The length between us is too thick.
It all died at that picnic.

Laid up on me I'd take it back.
Those moments, we can't get back.
Never thought, it'd come to that.
Even when you said, "I got your back"
Maybe it was too good too last.
Lucky I didn't put that *** on blast.
But **** that **** its in the past.
Throwing accusations in our house of glass.

Remember  way back in the day
When everything was A-Okay.
It was just me and you, skies were forever blue. But then the rain came and washed away
All the structure we had made.
Now we're all black and blue
Battered up from the storm that came through.

Lying in the rubble, why burst the bubble. Everything was going well until you stirred up trouble
Why you never come around here anymore
I've been so alone since you shut that door.
We were so rich in love
Now we're so **** poor,
Nights like these sure make my heart pour

Stare deep into me
Before you bat your eyes
I was here long before he made you cry
I was the one chasing after you for years
Don't you dare cry, I've used up all our tears
Please tell me how can you leave me alone
Does love look at me, stop, scoff, and scoot along
Why are days so short but nights so long
All these questions that will never be answered
Sad thing is the only reason we've talked recently is because of cancer.

We live in a world that's normalized bottling feelings up.
But use the word "*****" to describe the few that open up.
Why does our world have to be this way
Feels like talking is dead these days
You've got anxiety in depression at every single corner
Trying to talk about your feelings makes you the foreigner
Let me be here for you
Tell me all your problems I'll share mine too
Show me all the scars I'll kiss those too
Share with me all your dreams and I'll make them come true.

She's different.
She gave a different vibe.
It wasn't even close to going straight between the thighs.
I'm interested, now I know she is too.
Took many nights for this full moon.
If this works I honestly don't know what I'll do with myself. I'll be so happy I probably won't be able to contain myself.
And that will be all for you.
Not your body, money, or physical can do.
But your mind that's what has me so interested in you.
We are similar in many ways and that's the crazy thing.
I was 100% certain I was the only one going through that pain.
Well you've been hurt and it seems like it hurt your past too.
They say hurt people hurt people but what happens when two hurt people mend together to renew.
Hoping that we grow into one person would be cool.
But if it so happens that we just patch up ourselves that will suffice too.
I know this is going to mean a whole lot to you. I really hope you like reading my feelings too.
I like the praise as selfish as that seems but acceptance from people is what fuels me.
You're absolutely great in every single aspect. Your mind is intriguing and you're extremely beautiful too.

Down  the road we must walk, take our own path. Never stopping never watching never looking back. But I just got to let you know. That it's time to let you go.

Out my brain, out my mind trying not to think of you. Conversatin, contemplating what the **** to do, but now it's plain to see. I just got to set you free.

It's almost been a year since I've had you by my side.
In this time I've yet to find someone who has made my heart race like you once did.
Is it bad to say that some nights while I'm asleep your face appears on the back of my eye lids?
I've came so close to giving you so many ******* calls. But your boyfriend is crazy
We know that wouldn't get far.
I don't think that you understand in the slightest what you actually meant to me. You were everything and that is something I truly mean.
It took me 6 years and a break up to truly believe that ****. And am I kicking the younger me for being so belligerent, of course. He scared you away.
Back then I didn't understand what my actions could do. But now I see life in a whole other hue.
I looked at you and everything was red.
Passion burning
your hand on my head.
My hand on your heart.
You laying under me.
Where do I start?
But now look at us.
We are entire nations apart. I remember how many times my family that didn't immediately know asked me where you were after we decided to go in opposite paths.
And I had to tell them that it wasn't meant to last.
But I'm standing here today.
To look up at the sky and pray. That maybe one day you will realize everything that was taken away when you said that I wasn't meant to stay. My happiness, my heart, my entire world tore apart.
You left me there stranded like a cast away.
But I didn't even have a Wilson to help me get through half my days.
I just had the rain. And not even the rain from the skies was enough. My eyes decided they wanted to join in on the fun.
So as I sat there for months with the skies taunting me and my eyes darting around cautiously looking for your face in crowded rooms near where you stayed.
It tore me into pieces that day. I've never cried that much.
Holding you sitting on a toilet seat. There's no reason for that image to be one of our last memories.
But everything happens for a reason.
Even though you said you were so loyal to me I consider this an act of treason.
So I will leave it there and let it go. But I swear if one day you come around you're going to have me saying
AO...

We aren't dead
But i think about it constantly
Wanting to visit the last place
I remember you and me
How long will it take
For you to realize the mistake
Of leaving me alone
Giving me the freedom to roam
I have seen the end
You popped in my head again
Hundreds of dreams later
And somehow you still slip in
I've closed all the doors
But you sneak in the cracks
It's the small things that bring you back
Driving by the place we always used to eat
Looking in the mirror and in the reflection
It's not only me
You're not too far away
But maybe one day
I'll work up the urge to go back to the place
Where my heart lays still and my mind is lame
Because recently I've been acting insane
Sleepless nights are common baby
But maybe talking to you
Will maybe just remind you
That happiness can come in many shapes
And sizes
And since I haven't seen you
my mind has tattooed your face
on the back of my eyelids