I.
You've got
everything I ******* want,
I wish I had the courage
to ask you how.

II.
You're so
happy,
made easily to laugh.

III.
You made the name change
legal last July,
and I'm scared to even
tell a soul.

I.
It's weird
to mourn for someone you
never met.

II.
Painful in a new way I'm
not used to feeling
and detached in a way
I wish mourning never was.

I.
Existing is
a difficult concept.

II.
It's much too easy
to make it
much too hard.

I.
Honestly,
you're the greatest thing
to come into
my life.

II.
It's funny because
she teases me
nearly ever day,
that we ought to be
together.

III.
People can have soulmates
without kissing them.

I.
Crying for no reason
is the worst kind of crying
because you can't
make it stop.

I.
It would be hard enough
without losing
the both of you.

II.
I'm beyond happy
that I don't have to.

I.
Why is it that
people say they're there for you
but you still feel too much fear
to ask for a
**** thing.

II.
Why is it that
you can feel alone
even when you know that people
love you,
it's almost guilty.

III.
Why is it that
people say they're there for you
and then it's always
"A bad time",
and you need to be the strong one
and that's okay
with you
and you take it and you say
"Don't worry about
me."

IV.
And it's never a good time for
anyone
but you put aside yourself easily
and they cannot.

I.
*******
****.

II.
I will do anything you tell me
to stop hurting
people.

III.
But you won't tell me
a ******* thing.

I.
Maybe in the spring
I'll shoot in color.

II.
I've watched the world through
gray lenses
for all the winter long.

I.
Repulsed by an
unasked for castration by nature,
wrong from birth but
I'm getting better.

II.
Take me home and
take me in,
I'm not whole but I want to begin
again.

I.
To be honest it's
a struggle to make connections sometimes.
People are
far away and
I'm a scared of
hurting.

I.
It's a little confusing how
I'm in so much physical pain
I cry sometimes.

II.
But sometimes when I'm
crying I want to
hurt myself.

I.
Even the sweetest people
fall out of love
and even the best
don't always end up above
the tide of tears and
haunt of fears
on earth.

II.
Some people in your life are
meant to be there
but maybe they aren't meant as anything
other then a friend.

III.
Beginning to believe in
a platonic soulmate is a little harder
then it seems.
But god it's worth it,
no matter how my heart keens.

I.
I called her every time the thunder
was too loud to bear
and now
there's no one left
to call.

I.
Adventures
are a hundred times better
captured on film.

I.
Evict the conviction
that convicts are evicted
from grace.

I.
I'm going to be happy
and maybe not tomorrow
and maybe not in March.

II.
But spring will come and
summer next,
and in the fall I'll be okay.

III.
I know it seems a long way off
but I don't know what else to say.
Things are going to take some time
but I think I'll be okay.

I.
I've never been
******* better,
I've never burned
******* brighter,
I've never stood
******* taller.

II.
Two years ago I said
"If broken hearts make you stronger,
I don't need to be superman."
But now I feel a little bit
like superman,
it was worth it
all along.

I.
Sometimes the best way
you can love someone
is to stop
loving them.

II.
Perhaps,
that's what heartbreak is.

I.
On occasion
the world is more
then us mere mortals
who inhabit it can handle.

II.
Quite frankly,
existing is hard.

III.
Doing it without a hand to hold
is ten times harder
and much less soft
when you fall down.

I.
I'm beginning to understand
how people use the term
"Healthy relationship",
and I'm beginning to understand
what it doesn't mean.

II.
It means
sacrifice,
sure.
But it also means
being allowed
to ask for sacrifice.

III.
It means
needing someone
but
being needed,
too.

IV.
There's a lot that's hard to
tuck under your belt
and keep with you.
People always say give
and take,
but they don't say
how.

V.
Sometimes things get
bad without hitting.
Sometimes things get
harsh without yelling.

VI.
Sometimes things go downhill fast
and no one even means it.

I.
I don't need someone
who will laugh at me
when I'm silly
or someone who will
endearingly groan at me
when I enjoy things.

II.
I need someone
who will join in and
make me laugh as well,
and I need someone
who can enjoy things
with me.

I.
The world is filled with
too much to ever see
in a lifetime,
and maybe this is why
we tell stories.

I.
******* hell,
you can't expect.
You can't expect that.

II.
You can't imagine
that I'm going to
do the things you're asking of me.

I.
Feeling safe with a person is
something I haven't done in a very long time
maybe not ever.

II.
And suddenly it feels like
everything,
and nothing's ever been better.

I.
I'm ready to get better;
I'm ready to be well.

II.
I'm ready to walk with my head up,
and I'm ready to leave hell.

I.
There's a stabbing
in between my ribs,
but it's from laughing.

II.
Used to be from
longing, a want for something.
Now it's physical pain;
I couldn't be happier.

I.
"When I come home I can
hug you through your panic things,
or your anger things."

II.
And no one's ever said that
before. I'm a *******
disaster, disgusting, drinking problems to come.

III.
You're telling me I'll have
someone to hang onto,
someone to cry into,
someone who tells me we'll get through things together.

IV.
Are you sure this isn't
a ******* joke?
But I trust you,
because how can you not trust someone
who's always been so **** good.

I.
There's a lot of bruises
on my hands.

II.
I'm very sorry.
I know he isn't proud of me
for those.

III.
They always say
"It's just a cry for help",
and if it's only that,
shouldn't the cry be heeded?

IV.
If I need help desperately enough
to slam my bare hands into
porcelain tiles
maybe someone ought to listen.

I.
Maybe there'll be victory in
an empty bottle,
but I don't think it'll last me
through the night.

I.
I'm a butterfly's
wings,
I'm delicate as a storm cloud.

II.
I might shatter if you touch me,
but broken glass hurts
the person who breaks it.

I.
The world is
a hundred times kinder
then I would have thought
before.

II.
There's so many good people,
people she told me
didn't exist.

III.
Now she's the
odd ******* one out.
Don't hurt people
to save yourself.

I.
We were
like ships that pass
in literature.

II.
You and I
we danced
for three years
that felt like a night.

III.
I never loved you,
because I
never loved a man.

IV.
My one regret
in being
who I am today
is I can't be who I am
and still be friends
with you.

V.
Slept light
listened to
that singer
bet you didn't know he was
gay.

VI.
Bet you didn't
know I was
either.

VII.
Remember when
it was flirting
and lies from both ends
but we were so happy
because we knew
what was lies
and what was truth?

VIII.
You
wouldn't
remember
would
you.

IX.
Talk to me about
school.
Not there
for copying the math
am I?
Is that
hard
for
you?

X.
Do you
miss me?

I.
I lost
the painting
in the paint.

II.
All over
my canvas
were supposed to be
splatters that made
a
scene.

III.
Look now what I have.
Neither a scene,
not anything else.

IV.
Merely
a set
of splatters.

I.
If only
she could love the body she's in
as much as
I do.

I.
He fell for a woman called
Fate

II.
But his wing-man
was Coincidence.

I.
We are
built on laughter
how can I
mention
tears

II.
Even knowing
you're terrified
you need a hand
a hug
to hold

III.
I'm terrified
because
we are built on laughter

I.
Bonfires
and smokey wine,
nothing more than laughter.

II.
Catching burning hot coals is
easy enough when you trust
the person throwing them.

III.
I hate fast cars
I hate waking up and learning
someone has died.

I.
The telltale signs of lust are writ
upon your features,
it's easier to ignore then to fear.

II.
I don't with a single hand to touch me,
at least not where you think it counts,
at least not here.

I.
History repeats itself in
the worst ways;
a broken bone finally heals and
is snapped again
with softer hands.

II.
Falling for someone is
different every time you do it,
and watching others fall apart is harder
the fifth time 'round.

III.
Sit still and the world will turn around you.
Stand up and run,
and you'll fuel its momentum.

I.
I've spent time making peace with things
that honestly are so cringeworthy,
no one should find a justification.

I.
I would like to die.

II.
Not forever.

III.
Just for a year.

I.
I am made of sleep,
of sweaters, bedhead, and melted shivers.

I.
It's funny how
commitment looks on
the face of someone who's never
been committed to before.

II.
As if commitment to another human was merely
the promise that you would not
end your own life.

I.
I am as if the moon touched the oceans,
the tides welled up,
the world slide aside and became water.

I.
When I look back,
it's almost laughable.
The irony of my very existence
is almost laughable.

II.
I'm a ******* joke,
but I'm never able to laugh
until months later.

I.
They told me
"opposites attract".

II.
Opposites attract, but you will
burn each other up
until you are all gone and there is
nothing left but ashes.

III.
Opposites attract, but find someone
who is not magnetic.

I.
You keep
me
grounded
set
in stone

II.
You keep me
settled
on the
ground.

I.
The dark scared me
so much last night

II.
That I didn't sleep
until I could hear
birds