I.
History repeats itself in
the worst ways;
a broken bone finally heals and
is snapped again
with softer hands.

II.
Falling for someone is
different every time you do it,
and watching others fall apart is harder
the fifth time 'round.

III.
Sit still and the world will turn around you.
Stand up and run,
and you'll fuel its momentum.

I.
He's asked me to tell him
that I am worth it
every day.

II.
A little bit of me
thinks it's very silly,
and it won't do a thing,
but
simply knowing he
cares enough to keep me doing it
means it's
at least a little true.

III.
I'm worth
something
to him.

We are streetlights;
One pool of light barely out of reach
Of the next.

I.
We traipsed into the cathedral
and found her lying on the floor.
They made the service public,
had forgot to slam the door.

II.
If you could have caught her up,
took her hands, you would.
But you're another sinner,
turn away and turn your hood.

III.
You wanted her stiff form
in a starched and ironed dress.
You yelled, you screamed,
and you did not digress.

IV.
Injustice is a girl
who is buried in a suit.

I.
Not yet,
am I seventeen.

II.
When I was five or six
I imagined a world in which
my first kiss was on my sixteenth birthday
and I was wearing a pink dress.

III.
I had my first kiss when I was fourteen,
in plaid pajama bottoms
and a loose top.

IV.
When I was seven or eight
I imagined a world in which
I was a vet tech
with my hair in a bun.

V.
I am in a world
where vet school
is not interesting.

VI.
My hair
will never be long enough
for a bun.

VII.
"Be the person you needed
when you were younger"
I would have balked,
and disagreed,
I know.

VIII.
If I could see a picture of me now
when I was little
I would laugh
and never believe a word about
how I hated my *******
my hips
my voice.

IX.
I would have never believed a word of how
I'd fall in love with a girl
who was sad as night
and made me as happy
as the sun.

X.
And I never would have believed
that I would love that little girl
who had grown into a man.

I.
I had a childhood just like
you,
if you'll recall.
Playmates in dresses
and pretending we could be
princesses,
and now we've grown
so tall.

II.
We all dreamed of
older things,
thought about marriages
and kids,
and even closer, prom.

III.
But you'll wear
a dress,
and I'll wear a suit.
You'll be a princess
and I'll be
a mock prince.

IV.
It isn't like I blame
the playmates
for distancing themselves.
The abandonment is
mutual,
but it still feels a bit like
separate hells.

I.
Car Hits Tree:
Local Teenager Killed In Speeding Accident.

II.
I couldn't write I couldn't
think,
for a week.

III.
I sat down in the
aftermath,
and you were still pounding inside my head;
boy who I wanted to defend,
boy who I wanted to be.

IV.
You, alone, in the car.
Sixteen,
player on the football team.

V.
We all wore blue and loved and thought of you,
but the days ticked on and you slid farther into that coma,
never woke up again.

VI.
Your sister said at the football game,
she wanted to use present tense for you;
he IS here, he IS a good kid.

VII.
I couldn't do it.
You were here, you were a good kid.

VIII.
And now it's over,
and you will be a page in a high school yearbook,
a newspaper clipping,
and a tragic backstory.

IX.
Car Hits Tree:
Local Teenager Killed in Speeding Accident.

I.
I will look up to
superheros if I want to.

II.
I will call myself
Captain America
if that's what makes me comfortable
in my own skin.

III.
You are not going to stop me
because you don't know what it's like
to drown
in clean air
upon seeing your reflection.

IV.
I will call myself
Captain America
and I will thrive.

I.
You will be here another year,
you will be safe another year; I cannot
ensure
any of this.

II.
I ensure,
that I will be here,
another year.
I ensure that I will be
wherever you are
as long as you want me there
and the contents of my pockets allow.

III.
I ensure that I will not escape
and leave you
behind.

I.
Let's begin by taking all our clothes
and packing them into a trunk.

II.
Let's begin by packing up our fridge
we'll put it in a cooler.

III.
We can shove them in our car,
please stop and grab my sunglasses,
we're going to need a flashlight
two pillows
and a sleeping bag.

IV.
Come on quickly let me
grab your hand
and we'll start -
I've got a map.

V.
We'll go from here to there
and stop at every town in between,
I'll make us dinner,
you make up the bed.

VI.
Quick, jump in,
I want to begin.

I.
Some nights
it's like hoover **** has broken
right behind my eyes
and there's no noise
no shaky breath
just wet cheeks.

II.
I can't make it stop and
there's nothing even wrong.
I'm terrified to sleep
with someone someday;
I don't want anyone
to know.

I.
It gets easier
with time.

II.
I know how hard this is to
believe,
but I trust you so
please trust me.

III.
And maybe my words will
reach you
and maybe they will not.

I.
My ******* ribcage
does not work
how it should.

II.
I can barely
breathe
without a stabbing pain

III.
"There's nothing
wrong with you"
Thank you,
doctor.

I.
They told me
"opposites attract".

II.
Opposites attract, but you will
burn each other up
until you are all gone and there is
nothing left but ashes.

III.
Opposites attract, but find someone
who is not magnetic.

I.
Your blood family
is not the only family you will ever have
and don't you dare tell me so.

II.
You are under no obligation
to love
anyone.

III.
*******.

I.
When I look back,
it's almost laughable.
The irony of my very existence
is almost laughable.

II.
I'm a ******* joke,
but I'm never able to laugh
until months later.

I.
Honestly
if someone called me '****'
I'd only be mad
it wasn't
'******'

I.
I am a bundle of
nerves
over you.

II.
Silly,
as it'll be
the third time we do this
for February 14th.

III.
But the thought of
seeing you tomorrow
and your smile
makes it hard to not be
giddy.

I.
"Drink orange juice,
pet a puppy.
Take care of yourself."

II.
It's never came to my mind to
do such a thing.
Take care of
me?

III.
Whatever for?
She was always more
important.

I.
It's a click and a
whir of my lens,
and I was
laughing.

II.
Softer laughter then what I forced out
when I was next to her.
Easier,
and I was able to breathe.

I.
And her therapist said
A++ diagnosis
on my part when she told her
I'd done my own research.

II.
What had I said? I said
Trauma
Depression
Social anxiety
I don't want
my diagnosis to be correct

III.
Please
tell me something good
can come of this

IV.
Tell me
you can fix her
because I can't fix a thing
and it's the worst
thing I've ever done
to watch her
fall apart

I.
Look at him
picking daisies

II.
Would you call him
less of a man
for loving flowers?

III.
His anatomy protects his manhood
While mine de-validates it.

I.
I am made of sleep,
of sweaters, bedhead, and melted shivers.

I.
I'm a butterfly's
wings,
I'm delicate as a storm cloud.

II.
I might shatter if you touch me,
but broken glass hurts
the person who breaks it.

I.
"When I come home I can
hug you through your panic things,
or your anger things."

II.
And no one's ever said that
before. I'm a *******
disaster, disgusting, drinking problems to come.

III.
You're telling me I'll have
someone to hang onto,
someone to cry into,
someone who tells me we'll get through things together.

IV.
Are you sure this isn't
a ******* joke?
But I trust you,
because how can you not trust someone
who's always been so **** good.

I.
I'm beginning to understand
how people use the term
"Healthy relationship",
and I'm beginning to understand
what it doesn't mean.

II.
It means
sacrifice,
sure.
But it also means
being allowed
to ask for sacrifice.

III.
It means
needing someone
but
being needed,
too.

IV.
There's a lot that's hard to
tuck under your belt
and keep with you.
People always say give
and take,
but they don't say
how.

V.
Sometimes things get
bad without hitting.
Sometimes things get
harsh without yelling.

VI.
Sometimes things go downhill fast
and no one even means it.

I.
Evict the conviction
that convicts are evicted
from grace.

I.
"It's alright if you step on my toes;
I'm in too much other pain
to notice."

II.
"I'll let you two go;
it'll just give me panic attacks
anyhow."

III.
"I'm sorry I'm crying, it's just that
no one has ever been that nice to me
before."

IV.
"Don't take your arm
from around me,
please."

I.
Every day like
a knife but not
for knives are defined
and days are
fluid

II.
Every minute
like an hour
but not,
for hours are long
and minute are sometimes
nothing but a blink

III.
Time is a fickle friend,
because no matter
how often
you go to see them
they keep mocking
never
constant.

I.
She breathes in sunlight
every morning,
and exhales upon the clouds
that surround my head.

II.
Hair twined in flowers
and lungs full of summer air,
she's a vision
without a care.

I.
It's funny how
commitment looks on
the face of someone who's never
been committed to before.

II.
As if commitment to another human was merely
the promise that you would not
end your own life.

I.
The telltale signs of lust are writ
upon your features,
it's easier to ignore then to fear.

II.
I don't with a single hand to touch me,
at least not where you think it counts,
at least not here.

I.
Shooting down that stars
wouldn't be
nearly deserving of you.

II.
But as far as you're concerned
my desperate best
is good enough.

I.
They asked me to write an essay
depicting the
glories of the
American Dream.

II.
I couldn't, but
I wrote three pages
easily.

III.
They were
the wrong three pages -
I told them about
Natives Americans
torn from homelands.

IV.
I told them about
police brutality,
the things going on in Ferguson,
and the media coverage of war overseas.

V.
I told them about
separation of church and state
and how that ought to look.

VI.
I told them
I'm not sure if I can write an essay about the glories of equality
in a country where
I do not feel equal.

I.
I've never been
******* better,
I've never burned
******* brighter,
I've never stood
******* taller.

II.
Two years ago I said
"If broken hearts make you stronger,
I don't need to be superman."
But now I feel a little bit
like superman,
it was worth it
all along.

I.
It looks like
fog
from my window

II.
The hum of my
air purifier
blots everything out
sound wise

III.
And outside
everything is covered in
the gray
haze.

IV.
When I leave my room
my lungs -
already weak and
malfunctioning, on the best of days -
choke,
cough,
and reject what I put in them.

V.
I hope
the fires
clear up.

I.
You're
a driving force ,you're
a maniac ,
in the best of ways.

II.
You're calm and
collected,
you're handsome.

III.
I'm not in love with you, and
I wouldn't want to be.

IV.
But I do love you.

V.
I don't think I've ever been
so lucky
to call someone my friend.

I.
The world is filled with
too much to ever see
in a lifetime,
and maybe this is why
we tell stories.

I.
Freak of
nature
but at least
it's natural.

I.
December
is for bubblegum feelings
this year.

I.
I don't know you anymore
I don't know your friends
or your place.

II.
I missed
forgot
stopped saying hello when we passed
on the street.

III.
I heard
there was a man
and he was your father.

IV.
I heard his heart
gave up on him
only forty-eight
and gone in a flash.

V.
It's not beautiful,
and we're not heroes.

VI.
And now I regret leaving you
you must have others to turn to but
look what I've done.

VII.
It hurts for you in my chest,
It goes still for you in my mind.

VIII.
But you'll never
accept help from me
not now
because you don't know me
anymore.

I.
The world is
a hundred times kinder
then I would have thought
before.

II.
There's so many good people,
people she told me
didn't exist.

III.
Now she's the
odd ******* one out.
Don't hurt people
to save yourself.

I.
There's a stabbing
in between my ribs,
but it's from laughing.

II.
Used to be from
longing, a want for something.
Now it's physical pain;
I couldn't be happier.