I.
It's different sitting in coffee shops alone
and getting angry
than it used to be.

II.
I've got a voice,
I've realized. Maybe not one
anyone wants to listen to,
but it's a voice
and I can shout and scream and explain.

III.
We think as though there's nothing we can do
and in reality
I'm a bit convinced that's true.

IV.
But holy hell,
I will be ******
if I don't scream.

I.
Car Hits Tree:
Local Teenager Killed In Speeding Accident.

II.
I couldn't write I couldn't
think,
for a week.

III.
I sat down in the
aftermath,
and you were still pounding inside my head;
boy who I wanted to defend,
boy who I wanted to be.

IV.
You, alone, in the car.
Sixteen,
player on the football team.

V.
We all wore blue and loved and thought of you,
but the days ticked on and you slid farther into that coma,
never woke up again.

VI.
Your sister said at the football game,
she wanted to use present tense for you;
he IS here, he IS a good kid.

VII.
I couldn't do it.
You were here, you were a good kid.

VIII.
And now it's over,
and you will be a page in a high school yearbook,
a newspaper clipping,
and a tragic backstory.

IX.
Car Hits Tree:
Local Teenager Killed in Speeding Accident.

I.
I am made of sleep,
of sweaters, bedhead, and melted shivers.

I.
We are thought of as a struggle.
Tight binders,
unsure makeup application,
cringing away from mirrors,
healthcare nightmares.

II.
Think of me as a victory,
for two minutes.

III.
Think of me as
using the men's room for the first time
and shaking with nerves and happiness for an hours afterwards.

IV.
Think of me as seeing myself in the mirror
for the first time
since I cut my hair off.

V.
Think of me as buying clothes and grinning
all day long
because I now possess a shirt
that feels right.

VI.
Think of me being called 'Sir' when I buy my groceries,
and think of me going home and crying from joy
because this is the first time
that I know I am right.

I.
They told me
"opposites attract".

II.
Opposites attract, but you will
burn each other up
until you are all gone and there is
nothing left but ashes.

III.
Opposites attract, but find someone
who is not magnetic.

I.
When I look back,
it's almost laughable.
The irony of my very existence
is almost laughable.

II.
I'm a ******* joke,
but I'm never able to laugh
until months later.

I.
I am as if the moon touched the oceans,
the tides welled up,
the world slide aside and became water.