I wanna be really really good at something,
What could it be?

Hey,
Look at me.
I wore heels today
please notice me.

Hey,
Look at me,
I pruned my eyebrows too,
Got my legs shaved.
Painted my nails
I Got red on my lips
Please notice me.

Hey,
Look at me,
I did a dress today.
Notice me yet.

Hey,
Look at me.
Tell me you like me too.

Hey ,
Look at me.
I care what you think of me.

When things go wrong,
You remind me who I am.
I hold my head high,
Thank you for all I have,
That you have given me,
Not out of merit
But your love.

I couldn't thank you enough.
My Lord.

Calm , In-control,Collected
That's who I am.

Till I see you,
Till you walk into the room,
Till you talk to me.

Then,
I am sweaty,Nervous,tongue tied
I don't like myself very much then.
How the hell,
Did I give you so much power over me.
I want it back.

It seem Interesting,
That any human
Would be completely vulnerable
To another human.

I mean,
Have you met Humans?

I am only Vulnerable,
To my creator.
For him,
My defenses are down.
Only him.

This is me,
Ignoring my heart.
Listening to my mind.

I am not ,not happy.
I am not lonely,
Neither do I have a heartbreak.

This is me,
Ignoring my Mind,
Following my heart,
Full of fantasies.
Later that night.
Tears,
Many Tears,
For the hurt
For Disappointment
Unrealized Dreams.

I like myself better
When I listen to my mind.

Why can't I answer that,
Without wanting to please ,
My loved ones.

Do I even know,
What I want?

It's been changing,
From being a nun
To being a parent.
A grand Parent.

I need to find out
What do I want?

Those nights
Sleep runs and hide
All that's left
Thoughts you have been avoiding all your life.

Voices,
what the world expects of you
Parents expecting of you

Maybe ,
Your path is different.
The light at the end of the tunnel
Just an opening ,
To another tunnel.

Why does it seem so hard
To ignore the voices
Live your life.
Why?

The Moment,
You decide it's enough.

I give up on love.