I have been closed up too long ,
I feel so lonely sometimes,
when I eventually convince myself,
To open up to someone,
They break me down again.

I thought,
The problem was me,
I still think ,the problem is me.

Everyone who I fall in love with
Leaves me.
I am so tired ,
Of trying to find out
What's wrong with me.
I give up.
I don't wanna fix me anymore.

About time I realize,
Love was not meant,
For me.

If my skin were a curtain
I'd pull back the drapes
at the corner of my clavicle.
the breathing, feeling organs
of my torso would reveal
what you never see.

the clenches in my stomach
when I catch your fleeting glance

the double-thump of my heart
relishing your bare shoulder

my lungs frozen--suffocating
under your cold, soft touch

shrinking with the biggest sigh
as I watch you walk away.

But I always wear my skin
two layers too thick
and hide my delightful shame
of delighting in shaming you.

Fantacies vs Reality
Reality ***** at times
I'd rather deal
with the truth
Than live
In a fantasy world.

If there was a way
To make my fantasies real
I'd have found it
By now.

I decide
To live
In my reality
Make it the best ever
That it can make someone
Believe
In making their fantacy
A reality

I took today off
from the worlds expectations of me.
Today I was just me
Living the moment
Entertaining myself
Being me
In the most natural state.

I realized something
I had missed me.

Every now and then
I forget ,
There is only so much
In my control.

I compare myself
To every other person
Doubt my capabilities
Build my insecurities

Every now and then
I loose confidence
In myself
I forget
How far I have come.

Every now and then
I forget
To be me.

I have a longing
To find a place
where I can just be.
where I can find peace.

Just be in silence
listen to myself
enjoy being me
rest for my soul
Escape from the madness
Of this world.