I fell asleep as the sun came up
        waiting for you to doze off
                 A little tipsy off of your shape
                           curled up so peacefully in the dawn.

                                   My face is always flushed and bright red
                                         when your smile, the smile, lights up the night
                                                 And I wonder, Good God, when did I ever
                                                        *get so intoxicated with you, anyway, dear?

Three souls moving to your left,
each of them a little different, but still beautiful
all distinguishable by words and phrases and soft laughter
as they converse amongst themselves.

You see all of this, close enough to breathe their air, taste their presence
but the foot between your thighs and theirs is an impenetrable bubble
keeping you floating in your own empty space
trapped, alone, and longing.

It has always been this way, ever since you were small enough to see it
withdrawn, resolved to exist alone, content to let the world pass you by...

Their laughter startles you, yelping giggles so profound
you can't help but turn and stare at them, goggled-eyes
a dark boy, strange blackness for curls and pale-cheeked
notices, prodding you with the edge of your foot.

The bubble pops. *And you are set free.

The stars in my eyes are reduced to cinders
                                                for you burn brighter than their glowing sparkles
I'd rather have you in my vision
                                                 than those little, distant pinpricks in the night.

You're drowning here, in your own mind,
in which the world is falling atop your skull.
The panic is setting in, the tears come, and
you are preparing to die.

Shh.

But, how can I be quiet?
If everything is dying around me, and I'll be
all alone in this treacherous darkness
watching it all end.

I'm here, and you are safe. Shh...

Are you really there...?
With me right now, and you
won't ever go...?

Yes, now shh...

... Okay. Okay...

I'll be quiet for a little while.

Although I have been lied to and deceived,
I feel not like the victim
only a barrier, a wall,
between the most beautiful things I could know.

I took things from you that you never had,
love, affection, passion that you did not feel
and stored up these lies inside of me
believing 'till the end that they were true.

But they weren't.

I was never close to you at all
we were distant
and you were not mine
your heart never once belonged to me.

So, how can I be the victim here, when I was greedy
and cruel, the terrible monster under the bed
gobbling up your heart so readily
never knowing that none of it was real?

How could I be?

Instead, let me be the monster I am
and punish my heart, destroy my body, cut out my soul
for I would rather have all the pain in the world
than know that my love was never enough, so I took yours instead.

I was never a victim, so you can't call me one. Name me what I truly am: **evil.

To amend all of my previous statements I have made
about love, a topic that I really have no knowledge of
I will attempt to be as frank and honest as possible.
Well, as honest as poetry can be.

I cannot promise you an eternity.

Not only would that be drastic, but also inconsiderate
as the days to come may be darker than the night sky
and who will know when our feelings may drift apart
Like little leaves in the wind.

Nor can I truly love you the same forever.

Because people change, our hearts grow and shrink
with new experiences, failures, and successes too.
I know this, for my heart swells at the passing air
Whenever I think of you.

So, instead of those meaningless cliches, I would rather ask for a pact.

For us to grasp hands lying under the sunshine
knowing that the storm is brewing on the horizon
and to brave it as best we can together, and only
When we cannot take it, we will let go.

There is a significant chance we won't make it to the end
and I know this, it haunts me every second I consider it
but now, and only now, I can safely tell you my love
To my heart's content.

I love you, without negative connotation,
and I fear, I worry, I brood over everything
Fear is an old friend of mine, an acquaintance
so I cannot forget, or atone, only amend my faults.

I have no eternities to promise, no delusions of grandeur
just the throbbing of my heart, the babbling of my mouth
and a love that grows with the passing of seconds
all laid bare on the tops of the hill, overlooking the storm.

I ask no romanticism, just one action: *Take my hand, take my heart, and take my soul, and together will we walk.

... Nothing happens.
I'm still sitting here on this bench
watching the clouds outside the window.

They aren't pretty ones either,
they're dark and hanging
like some empty sheets wrinkled with water.

Everyone moves so slowly here
in my mind's rapid perception
the seconds crawl across my skin like tremors.

The only thing that is moving too fast
is your words, they fly
one after the other into those soaking clouds.

And suddenly, you disappear
from my lines of vision
now the clouds pour and spit their weight upon me.

My mind is eroding
my feelings are melting like sugar cubes
in the torrent of this depression on my being.

But you are gone, and I will suffer alone.