my bones are weakening
and my spine can not accompany
the weight your name carries
along every turn and edge
within my fragile whole
for I traced your name along
the parts of myself I could not
hold together
you gave me a meaning to life
that made a lot more sense
than the plan I had imagined
without you here my body aches
in all the empty spots
you no longer occupy
a stream of tears and loss of words
now haunts the place where I always found myself looking for you
leaving me here to feel
more cold and alone than ever before
and if it is to be as true as you say
meaning my existence is very well numb to you
I'll now allow myself to believe
the love was only one sided
you were nothing but a human toxic
eating at my very own soul
and I allowed you in
but never more will this continue
I'll learn to manage fine without
like the nicotine my body craves
you were only another tempting withdraw

I once tried to erase our memories
and found myself
cutting away at my skin
for the coldness without you
was unbearable
and I found my fist reentering the walls repeatedly  
trying to block out the image I saw
of us in the room together
I washed my sheets
and tossed and turned late at night
because my bed never felt the same without your presence
my chest caved in every waking morning
without you here
I honestly don't know how I'm still managing
or how my heart remains beating
without the blood your love supplied
my body is drained
and lungs will soon reach zero capacity
if I continue smoking the nicotine
my body craves
and I can never inhale enough toxic
to forget the memories
you wrote within me
but the first time I tried
did not stop me from trying again
so here I am
with cut up skin and ****** knuckles
lying cold in the sheets
with a broken heart that's barely holding on
and filling my lungs with a poison
heartache taught me to love
for I can not forget

It was our first real fight that hurt the most. The look in your eyes when you spoke those cruel words and your evil smile that followed. I had never been in such a situation for this time it had been my fault you hurt so badly and I didn't know how to make it stop. You said things that you knew would eat and tear at my skin. You spoke so freely and cold hearted for a handsome one like you. I sat tuned in waiting for the force of your words to send me flying accrossed the room. Little did you know my chest was caving and anxiety gave me no control. I couldn't get out a single word without choking upon the continuous apologies that meant nothing to you. I sat so little in front of your widened structure and muscular arms. You had your own shield made and I was just a little bit of nothing. The power you had drove me insane and I knew then that I was ******* because I have never loved an individual so much that I became vulnerable for their forgiveness. And here I was on my hands and knees begging oh so badly. I told myself I would not allow this to become the ending of us for we have so many more obstacles in life to face and to let this, out of any, tear what we have apart would be foolishness. I do not believe there is any right way to go about this mess I've caused but I'm only hoping this is the best way. I love you dearly and I'm ready for you to come home when you are.

I have come to realization
that no matter the circumstance,
Any situation is encounterable
As long as your by my side,
we have climbed mountains
And burried ourselves deep,
Yet still remained connected
In the most vulernable way,
I love you more than what
the moon and stars are able to hold,
Every day allows us another journey
Not a moment with you shall
ever go to waste