Failure to leave sooner has caused more pain than ever before. I see the error I have made. Now I set to put straight all the wrongs that have occurred. I ask nothing of  the silent blackness. Where light never shines. Never warms. I say good day and good night but again the blackness has taken hold. ***** feet stumble amidst the rubble. Direction has become dizzying. One pathetic soul trapped me far below the flames. Even Hell doesnt feel as cold. Tragic are the days my heart sang  there was no greater shame than you to lay the blame.

Anger burst thru flames. Who is to blame. I am always. Should I push up the Daisies. It all gets hazy as we get lazy.

There lies far beneath a tiny seed. Hidden amongst the weeds. Light water earth combined; incubated with time. Reaching for the sun she climbs high above the weeds. Her petals opening to the sky. Blowing in the wind she dance in the suns ray till the moon glistens her petals with dew. She has bloomed that tiny seed amongst the weeds.

Why do I question your gestures of kindness. Why do I question your love. Is it because I know the truth and that my heart blinds me with false feelings yet my brain runs every possible scenario imaginable. I rarely sleep, dreams dont come for me. I day dream while awake. Always pondering what may be what could be. I see you but everyone doesn't see me. You see the faint trail of tears that escaped down my cheek. Yet you are the one who doesn't loves me so they won't be wiped away. Fears and tears that is my life. Disappointed  in all aspects of my life; family friends they know not the depths of my madness. Madness or sadness one can't tell the difference only that they go and come hand in hand.  I feel the warmth of the sun yet cold I still feel. I have become numbed to life itself.  People tell me life is a rollercoaster yet falling is all I feel. I give that fake smile everyone sees but inside I'm dead or at least wish to be. How can I feel the warmth when your touch is cold as ice. How do I breath seeing how  I'm suffocated to the point of passing out. How do I tell you goodbye when we never said hello. How confused I feel when lying with you miles from you. Love painful to even hear so rarely that I feel deafened by silence. Life support is failing my train derailing. My guts trailing down to the ground. This is not life, this is not love. Death has become me and it has come to collect. A debit that cant be paid.

Pale skin softly kissed by moonlight. She dances in the shadows of night. Hypnotizing melodies float thru the air on chilled breezes of autumn night. Round the fire her flame ignites alive the crackling fire rages. Touched by the light of darkness she blooms. Forever United in bliss her kiss does snare one foolish heart.  Her wispy hair tossed by the air shimmers as fireflies illuminate. Eyes track motions that one misses when blinking. There is no time in thinking.  Her pulse quickens as bodies in tangle your heart she does dangle. Time has escaped thru the looking glass.

There was once light where now there is darkness. There was soft loving touches where now only bruises show. Her feet covered in the ash of her once vibrate world. So fragile is ones soul that it can leave before the body withers away. How can someone turn on a dime from love to loathing.  The illusion shatters so quickly.

Invisible space separates us. Silence fills the void. Whispers fall on deafened ears. Unplugged from people who surround me. Family, friends and strangers all the same when they claim to love you. How much they take and never put back. A shell of damaged goods is what is left. How do you rebuild what is not there. So I cried crimson tears all alone. Yet gathered around the bed you watch the false displays of emotions and all the questions they ask. Why why did she do this why take her life. Had you listened you would know had you cared you wouldn't be here watching her be disconnected from life support.