I am a good actor
I pretend to be ok when I’m not
I smile
I laugh
I play the part of happiness
I say I’m ok
I wipe the tears from my face
Do whatever it takes to hide the pain

Flashbacks
Triggered
Triggered
Triggered
Flashbacks
Numbness
Sadness
Don’t care anymore
Will it ever get better

Blue pill
Green pill
White pill
Pink pill
Brown pill
So many pills
Will they ever help

transgender
sometimes I want to end it all
the ones who I love don't  accept me
they love me for the fake me
they love it when I wear dresses
they love it when I use my dead name
my ******* feminine name
the name that brings so much pain
they love it when I use she pronouns
when I smile and pretend that I am not uncomfortable in my body
when I say I'm okay but the truth is I'm not
I would rather die than have to live as a girl for the rest of my life
but they don't care they would rather have a dead daughter than an alive son

I used to be sad and anxious when they called me she her girl my birth name but know I’m angry  frustrated and furious tired of it people taking my rights away anger has consumed me discrimination plagues me with the transgender laws with no acceptance and constant rejection no matter how hard I try I will always feel this anger inside me anger that I can’t hide from others because I am a person all I want is respect to be treated equally not like I’m some crazy freak

I am to much
To many emotions
To much sadness
To much anger
To much daydreaming
To much of anything
And eventually they will all give up or leave me

In my daydreams I’m dead and in my nightmares I’m  alive living is my nightmare

I feel crazy
My moods are like a rollercoaster ride I’m high then low and I can’t get off I’m pushed to my limits I’m hyper and happy then sad and depressed
I am angry
I am not in control of my emotions bpd and bipolar control me I feel so lost I don’t even know who I am anymore

The day I came out I to my friend I was called a ****** and that I should go and **** myself
The day I came out I heard people in the hallways saying that they hated the gays
I heard them say that the gays and transgenders should be burned at the steak they say it’s getting better but their is so much grey