Shhh,
Whispered from your very own lips
To quiet your very own emotions
For your brother might wake if you don't
Quiet, for they might hear your thoughts
Don't think
Don't move

She
Used to look at you,
In that way that possessed you
That frightened you
That took hold of you and caressed you.
That captivated and enlightened you.
A drug, you could say,
She,
Was a drug.

E..
Enough? Nonsense.
Elude, as usual, all of your
Desires, guilty pleasures.
For what are they?
Past times?
Missed opportunities?
Lost fantasies?

Air
You felt it on your skin
Swimming through your every strand of hair
Injecting lotus streams through your conscience.
Finding their way to that place you know
Or used to know?
A dream perhaps,
A past life?
What is that room you see
When the air meets you again
The room that returns in your head like a memory
And you think
"When have I been there?
Why do I only feel this when the air runs through me?"

Share
The memories you hold
So dear to you
Or throw them away?
What, now, is the best choice?
Have you forgotten that it's not all about you?

E-
Estranged beliefs
The ignorant bliss of
Refusing to acknowledge.
Entities that appear as old friends.
Old?
...
Friends?
Escape your mind for a while
Relax in your arms

Sheri
I remember you.
I remember your walls breaking for the first time
I remember your darkest, most selfish moments.
I remember your most pathetic and manipulative guilt trips.
I remember your break down, your turning point.
I remember your effort.
I remember your improvement.
I remember your achievements.
I know you.
Thank you
For letting me know you

Wake up, open your eyes
Float to the window
To open the blinds
It's okay to change your mind

Go to the hallway instead
Wing it, which direction to head?
Left sounds great for today
My little rabbit wants to stay

"Little rabbit, why are you scared?
It's only ten thousand miles of stairs
Nothing will hurt you, I consciously swear.
come with me!, if you dare.

Why doesn't this house
Look like a house
Unless it's wintertime?

Why is it that when I walk through it
I see my own body, in different places, crying like I used to
But only in the wintertime.

The walls don't ever seem
This real
This alive
Like they're out to get me
Unless it's wintertime.

Maybe it's because my AC gets turned off.
And I can no longer drown out the whispers of the past
With the draining moans of cool air.

Maybe it's because,
When I can hear the cars and birds outside,
All I can possibly think of
Is waiting, 6am, for an old friend coming to pick me up

Maybe it's because I no longer feel
Comfortable
As my fingertips turn against me.

No matter how many drawings and paintings I put on that wall.
No amount could change the fact that
The wall is still there
It's still that same wall.

No matter how many times I DESPERATELY rearrange my furniture
The structure
God ****** it's still the same room
It's the same room

Why was this so effortless to ignore for so long, but now it won't cease?
Why is this such a big problem all of the sudden,
Again?
Why can't I just grow up and realize that:
He is not a demon,
His spirit is not out to get me,
I can rest.
I can rest.
I CAN rest.

It isn't even Winter yet.
How will I survive another Winter?
I must brace myself.
I will face this demon headstrong.
He will not write my emotions out for me any longer.
He will order ME how to feel NO MORE.

I am my own soul.
But I must brace myself.

I don't like this anymore
I forfeit my facade
I am petrified and scrambling for sense
Stability's lost confidence
Steadily realized,
The cold won't go away this time
The cold has come to stay for a while
How will I remain sane?
How will I collect myself, again?
How can I promise myself I'll get through it, again?
How can I promise myself I won't do it, again?
The cold has come to haunt me as I dare try to sleep it out
Interrupted by the chill,
Stopped in my tracks, as if menacingly whispering,
"Did you think you were going somewhere?"
Dropping me to the floor with the breaking nostalgia like
"Did you think this would be easy just because it's a different year?"
And I act like I can't remember
When I thought I wouldn't make it through December
Cursing myself as if I'd done something wrong
Or felt something wrong
I'd rather curse myself and get it right
than her curse me, and falter to her knees
Again
What kind of coward am I
That Winter scares me?
Terrifies me?
What am I?
I don't like this anymore.

Seven times wrong, seven times right
I wonder when i'll sleep tonight
The cold dead air washes the trees
Whispering over, caressing the seas
Making me wish I had clearer purpose
Instead of wondering if all this is worth it

"I love you," she says in a slumber
What if i told her i don't believe her?
All you do is be there, you never worry
And when I am crying, you never hold me
When I come to you, you are only there
There only enough for my tired eyes to stare

You let me breathe solemnly, comfortably so
But would you hold me and never let me go?
You let me walk on you, wherever I need
But would you bandage me if i were to bleed?
You give me food, every single type
But would you fall asleep with me, every single night?

I cannot possibly stop thinking about her. I see her in everything I do, like a mother would watch her child to see if she's doing alright. I feel pampered even though she hasn't spoken a word to me today, and that's fine because I feel her here, inside my head. In my thoughts. I feel a sense of security. Knowing that everything I am doing now, she has done, and I can get through it.

I wonder how the plants are growing on the windowsill a few cities away.

It's said I'm a friend but they still pretend and I wonder if I'm just the prey.

I can't even know; my thoughts cannot show and besides, what else could I say?

I was offered a threat and t'was said I'd regret, and so I backed down and obeyed.

All else aside, my mind still abides and amends I still want to this day.

Because this is so, I will not let go, and so what this means is: I stay.

No please don't wince, and you cannot convince me to do this any other way.

This angered it so, and I really don't know what kind of a price I will pay.

But no matter what, I've a feeling in my gut and I know that I'll be okay.