Its been a while,
and these sign of times
have left me with nothing,
nothing but a few questions
which have left me beguiled

Tell me,
How many times
should I restrain myself
from holding you tight
How many times
should I end the conversation
saying, "Oh, its alright"
when its not!
How many times
should I end up
with my eyes
resting on you
with my thoughts
shouting about you,
about the way
your lips move
when you speak,
about the way
you take things
even when its bleak,
about the way
your eyes shine
the way they
make me feel
'You're all mine'
And how many times
should I ask you,
"How many times?"
It might take you years to answer
but hush...
Wait a second,
the clock is ticking
Do you hear that?
So please tell me now
just how many times?

What if,
I find fulfillment in solidarity
Satisfaction in doing nothing
but staring at the clear blue sky
In filling an empty ***
with emptiness itself
In dusting out events
From my life, from my shelf

What if,
It feels good to feel pain
To sicken yet to throw myself
out in the pouring rain
To wound myself with the same knife
again and again and again
To have the key but never use it
to free myself from this chain
that you have bound me with

What if,
I never ask you to leave
Even if this is all that you can give
Even if you order me to retrieve
I refuse
And do nothing but grieve
For letting you stay,
my afflictive euphoria