I don't want to enclose myself
in the prison that I have created
I don't want to keep on thinking about what has not even happened yet
I don't want to restrict myself to what is comfortable
I don't want to regret not exploring the "impossible"
I don't want to look back when I'm old and just say "it was okay"
I don't want to be just there
I don't want to merely exist
I want to be more
I want to do more
I want to live.

Sitting on the dining table
resting my head on my cold hands
listening to the bantering voices and the soap opera on the screen
how ironic it seems
to look at something ordinary being glamorized
by lights , costumes, scripts and actors
the reflection of the scene
taking over my vision of what is in front of me
is this really reality?

I run
because I forget in the first place why I do
I run
because I can't stop thinking "why do I even breathe"
I run
because I think about you and me then back to me then back to you
I run
because of the silent scream in my head that needs to be suppressed
I run
because there is so much hate and love inside me
I run, I run, I run
far
         far away
                          even if I stumble
                          even if I get scarred
                          even if


I run.

Just give me a little clarity
I've been holing myself in this four corners
I am sick of thinking of the possibilities
I feel like I might just implode
Just give me a little clarity
And
           Save me from this Madness.

The things I'm good at
are sleeping
failing
falling
moping
around.

The things I'm bad at
are living
laughing
dancing
standing
still.

I don't know what to do now
I don't know what to be
the feeling of frustration
is taking over
I'm drowning in doubts and uncertainty
but that's what life is supposed to be
Messy.

I sat on a blue colored swing
pushing myself up so high
as if I can touch the sky
jumping of my seat
dust gather around me

Sometimes I wish
that I remained naive
free from the troubles of this world
but once you lose it you can never have it back

Now that I'm back, sitting on that swing
it no longer moves in many ways
it goes back and forth carefully
afraid that it will break
afraid that I will break
afraid always afraid

his warm strong hands lift me up towards the vast blue sky
my grasping little Fingers stretched out feel the rays of the sun warm my skin
then suddenly,
A gust of cold wind blows him away like
petals of dandelions
disappearing
one
by
one
Till
there
are
none.

the sky starts turning graphite gray,
but his scent of:
citrus
musk
pines
still lingers in the air.

my Hands once reaching out
become loose hanging threads.


,
                                                   the sky starts crying
                                               forming huge teardrops
                                                       ­ that falls on
                                                           my facE
                                                            ­slowly
                                                          ­   then
                                                            ­   all
                                                           at once
                                                            ­    it
                                                          ­   Rains.


The taste of green tea, bitter and warm, remains.

I keep on running
until you can't chase me anymore
               let me be
               for once
just
go away

                 My lungs
                 I can't breathe
every time I try to walk away
I end up coming back in full circle

Don't chase after me anymore
                you are out of your reach.

I sleep and dream of you
some stranger you are
out of reach
only your shadow can be seen

Someday I will know you
or perhaps I already do
maybe a little light
will help me see

the person that I always wanted to be.

Eyes too blind to see
that you're losing yourself to him

Where is she?
the girl with big dreams who said she doesn't need anybody

I guess love means to destroy
don't be that kind of girl

Who will crawl after she falls
save yourself while you still can

because when all else fails
who will be with you until the end?

I didn't realize how sad I was
until you told me you were leaving
not because I like you
but because you are my friend.

I hate goodbyes
I hate hate hate not being able to look people in the eye
I don't like it when people lie
but I hate it even more because I know I die a little inside.

******* for making fun of me
I asked you repeatedly
Does it make you happy to see other people cry?
And continued on with your lie

I guess now I know I appreciate honesty
and friendship that doesn't revolve in tomfoolery
so to put it bluntly
I am ****** and you are an *******
so don't talk to me.

I am a despicable woman
because I returned your advances with guilty kisses.

I am a despicable woman
because I said I loved you like it was for free.

I am a despicable woman
because I made you believe that there was a forever with me.

I am despicable woman
because you let me in
while you never even reached me.

So yeah,
it's not you, it's me.