I don't want to enclose myself
in the prison that I have created
I don't want to keep on thinking about what has not even happened yet
I don't want to restrict myself to what is comfortable
I don't want to regret not exploring the "impossible"
I don't want to look back when I'm old and just say "it was okay"
I don't want to be just there
I don't want to merely exist
I want to be more
I want to do more
I want to live.

Sitting on the dining table
resting my head on my cold hands
listening to the bantering voices and the soap opera on the screen
how ironic it seems
to look at something ordinary being glamorized
by lights , costumes, scripts and actors
the reflection of the scene
taking over my vision of what is in front of me
is this really reality?

I run
because I forget in the first place why I do
I run
because I can't stop thinking "why do I even breathe"
I run
because I think about you and me then back to me then back to you
I run
because of the silent scream in my head that needs to be suppressed
I run
because there is so much hate and love inside me
I run, I run, I run
far
         far away
                          even if I stumble
                          even if I get scarred
                          even if


I run.

Just give me a little clarity
I've been holing myself in this four corners
I am sick of thinking of the possibilities
I feel like I might just implode
Just give me a little clarity
And
           Save me from this Madness.

The things I'm good at
are sleeping
failing
falling
moping
around.

The things I'm bad at
are living
laughing
dancing
standing
still.

I don't know what to do now
I don't know what to be
the feeling of frustration
is taking over
I'm drowning in doubts and uncertainty
but that's what life is supposed to be
Messy.

I sat on a blue colored swing
pushing myself up so high
as if I can touch the sky
jumping of my seat
dust gather around me

Sometimes I wish
that I remained naive
free from the troubles of this world
but once you lose it you can never have it back

Now that I'm back, sitting on that swing
it no longer moves in many ways
it goes back and forth carefully
afraid that it will break
afraid that I will break
afraid always afraid