How does one get to this point?
I can't even retrace my steps back to when I didn't feel this strongly for you, and this is since the first time I realized I felt something for you.

I dream about you at times, it's bittersweet. Nothing too intense, it's mostly just a quick conversation and an abrupt embrace before we go our own ways.
Ah, but there was this one time you stroked my cheek and you had this look in your eyes as if you regretted something. To think I knew enough even when I was dreaming to tell you that it was too late. You said nothing regardless.

It's difficult waking up and recalling it. Even more so considering how much I treasure these dreams.

It's unnerving you know, to forget about you for a handful of weeks and to be reminded by my own mind that you're still there but you'll never be with me the way I want you to be.

Yesterday was a little different and it made me realize reality hits so much harder. It was just a simple text message after roughly 3-4 months.

I'm scared of what I'll feel when I meet you.

Every conversation, every moment, every thought, every passing second are like sandcastles right now.
Life has been coming at me in waves, it moves to shore and brings everything to ruin, one by one.
How do I stop something that's out of my control?

There you are and there you'll stay,
in your severed shore of spite.

Here I am and here I'll stay,
while I weather through my plight.

I feel conflicted over whether or not I'm good with my words. I've come to realize its rather easy for me to go over board with it. To make it sound over the top and pretentious when just a small string of it can be enough to express whatever it is I'm feeling.

I feel like I'm drowning in absolute blue, waiting for something or someone to pull me out of my misery.

I'm suffocating in my own sadness.

I dream of things I want you to do that I know you never will.
I'll wait and wait on days and nights as my heart and mind sit still.

The scent of peppermint embodied.
Deep navy blues.
Silver watches where our time together goes 7 times faster.
But only when its on your wrist somehow.
Tired eyes.
Tired smiles.
Hesitance.
I try not to look your way and I hope you don't take any second glances towards me.
I know if either of us do, I'll go back to feeling the same for sure when I don't want to go there anymore.