There is faith in my blood
Cold hate that won't wait to
raise hell with my love

and I won't try to change your mind
I'll just wait for my fate
while you cry

I'll be fine for one more day
and I won't pray
I wont beg, for this life

This wine will be my mind
never solid, nor sober
a mess all the time

I won't pay to see this movie till the end
I wanted out, I chose sin
hoping a change in me would begin

At first there was so much, then so little

It was no wonder why.  

I felt I was to lie

down

next to

dreams that'll die a slow death tonight.  

But I am born again through them in a new life

I am still alive, Aren't I?

What little faith
fell from eyes
and lay dead on my skin
hoping to be reborn in my heart again

like angels strapped to the arms of an electric chair awaiting their invisible fate
We anticipated our pain
One black moon shows the world that the universe exists regardless of our blindness in the dark
What is beyond the all-encompassing?
Nobody knows when nothing really matters
No one can think about the future when you're strapped to the chair

Take Your Pills, Take your medicine
Do you really make yourself
Better than you've ever been?

Trust in life is never promised
        And its the world that makes
you feel like it's not alright
perhaps grasp that
   The entire world is still in this fight.
  they all lose their minds every day
From minute to the next is another question
burning in your brain
Unanswered. Inadequate.  Now you must suffer
........the whole day.............
/you never get a whole day/

The hammer will beat down
the ones who never forgave
The ones who did
will never be
forgotten
The **** you did
IS still so rotten////
You were'nt just a soul
you were everything and one thing
sought for something that means nothing
Do you feel it now as you disappear?
You disappear.  
you ******* disappear.
and thank god you're gone

Love is no ****
but its a drug
no love is no love
a drug is one
and it is the other
drugs are okay
if you get them from your lover

Believe that a lost connection breaks your heart more than once
What I know now makes no sense
what is new?
Figuring out your home has left you behind
The life you wish you could run back to and change it all
falls from every tree dead around you as you mourn all day anyway

The world you knew is changing all the time.  No purpose but to find a purpose

The devil of distress here
awakened by your life
Grim pleasure
twisting your mind
The hell hollow breath you breathe
into me
I become as dead as my vice

A callous temper flaring about
new Las Vegas diamonds
to my eyes
they are fixed, but just for me!

where your indirection led me to go
I sought hope in the structure of the cage
and the diamonds were real
but it matters not

After all of that 'being lost'
something was 'found' in what did not fit in
and the only thing I ever loved about myself was never
really real at all

Hello poetry I....don't always feel
Like I
Can relate
To anything in any form of creative
'But they say'
Expression is always the way
So I cut myself open
To feel again
Like someone or something that matters
Like money or fame  
I cut my heart wide open to stain
To see myself in my bloodiest
Way again
Like rose petals with stories of
Little white smiles of
People faking their fifteen and pay
While I dream
Some day I could make it over that cuckoo's nest
And finally be me again

I've no living sentimental cues
beyond jewels are finer areas
higher and just
and ive just become
another  
one of you

Ice memories burn like hell
and hell is frozen over
my mind with inspiration is so hard to find
always
when you're constantly falling inline

Lets drive tonight
to the moon

Eyes are ******
   They see dreams that are gone
And I'm forgetting what is in between
The beginning of the end of my life and the end

The stars never hurt for who you never got to be
and the chains never fail or so you always believed.  

A night could last forever and tomorrow only be a dream
I died over and over again
just to break the seams of this straightjacket
just to be
if only for a moment
happy, and free

My cemetary
      is the burial of thieves
          My heroes who never sleep
   As the arrows FLY across their empty graves
TheyLiveOnAsUsToday

Blood and Vice
A
Misunderstood symbol
For
A
Hand dipped in wine chilled with ice
My heart
And her eyes
Are both busy
Beating
Paths to our minds
While we...
Divine

The feeling is so empty inside I think I
Am feeling numb
With this desperation turns your heart inside out of your soul
I try to imagine the cold tears falling from my cheek
They never come
My heart is sore from beating drums
I don't know who I am anymore, or what I'm running from
Every piece of my memory takes it it's toll on me
Like a cancer I can't see
Shrinking me and shrivling me away
Where theres no more lucky coins laying on the floor
Losing yourself means losing everything  
And more
The words can't tell you where I am
Or where I've been
Just my hands
And these sins
A calvry of man
Hating men

New York City Glamour is a sedentary dream
Cancel your life
Start again
Ask for more
When will it ever end?
No more dreams in the night
More and more shadows for my life
No one ever sleeps
No one ever dreams
This is life now it seems

My armor and arm and a roar
Tumbling down the mountain
Mouths sewn shut
    We just need to listen.  
No moral compass could have you brought here
But we have bared our own tears
  Mouths sewn shut
But we refuse to listen
Bludgeon pestilent leviathans with
Mouths sewn shut
It's time they listen to us

His heart is still lost in the glittering of the rain
The billows of smoke would never hide it from his soul oh but
The tears would flow
The memory remains
His answer to a life bereft of profit
Is the answer to all his questions just the same

Weaver's and dreamers
Hold your hands out
And let your ideas flow free
Be willing to catch them when they all fall your way
Tend to mischief if it makes your craft
ALLOW the winds to change you if you need changing
Don't be afraid to fall no matter how high you've climbed
Never let go of the rungs of the ladder that holds your life
And you'll be fine
At least, for a little while

Mile to Mile you will see
That were really all the same
We blame money and we need pain
At least, for a little while

We walk with these ghosts
They a want a part of us every day
And I'm just trying to say no
Sometimes it's hard to let go
When you need someone you know
Let it be real for them forever or
At least, for a little while

Every little memory of her could pull you apart
Nothing can
Stop a heart
As powerful as hers

She won't lose any sleep tonight
I'm sure memories of me are nowhere in sight
                     Miracle's may be mountains apart
            I just want to be somewhere in between with you
            If that means that I have to believe in you
Then I believe that I will pray to you, my goddess

Don't feel alone Ms. Heaven On Earth
No glow but the dirt
But the mix is a passion for me
Like mixing you with whiskey
Drunk and screaming "Do you miss me?"
Feeling myself come to life
Dancing in the parking lot undeneath a black cloudy sky
You would cry your tears trying to hold on to your 'that was then and this is now'
It will always find it's way back somehow
I can't fix it, but I'll try to make it right
Maybe my love could help you tonight
Even though it could never be enough
For an angel like you
Broken and abused
Like myself in my youth


But I need you, sweet woman
Do you exist?
Or do I just miss someone else
And who they used to be

The sinister snare
The teeth clamped upon my flesh
The eyes
The baritone beat of the wicked war
The eyes
Of the beast
Six lies in
Six weeks
Six die  
And no one weeps
Shepard's proclaim that they keep
God-fearing men as their sheep
As I bleed to death
I see
I told six lies in six weeks
I am the sixth to die bleeding to death
In my sleep
I pray to no one for my lonely soul to keep

Your memory sleeps with me tonight
And I hope you're jealous
Now that you left us alone together
In the darkness
We fell in love
Without you

There's nowhere I can go
No where I can run when I need to you to go away
In this mist
I can see the forest through the trees
But what I continue to see is that
every one should be Believed
Trenches of my heart stripped away by the excavating force
Should I listen?
Or should I just swim upstream alone all by myself?
I know I'll probably never get to sleep tonight
I'll need someone's
Help to make me make everything seem alright
You know I'm not fighting strong enough
Because there is no love
And something's always falling apart
Whether it be my heart
Or my old ****** car
I'll always be a friend for you
Whether you need me or not
We can fix what we broke
While I'm already so fragile now
Wondering what little I have left
And when it will all leave me behind

Misery
I am the beast
I am the state of being
I am no longer running from
What have I been getting used to?
Pouring myself down the drain the morning after
I have naught, but I just am.. the insufferable disease
So I painted themes of what my life might be had I never had a

Dream
And it's dead
When the poison gets inside
It might take a lifetime just
To know your lifeboat has slowly drifted away against the tide

I've sewn confusion in the eyes of my lovers laid
To rest another
Just like me
I've given everything I have
Yet there is so much
Locked inside of me
Let me explain
That there is nothing I could explain
That any ordinary being could understand
There's nothing beyond these tombstones
Bereft of the secrets of the stars
And they are not telling any truths to me
Even if they could speak
They are just like me
A mystery
Bright with no personality
Only beautiful in the full moon light

Truth be told
I cannot sleep
Although I wish for peace forever
I am colder now than ever
Still praying for peace
I can be the wind beneath your wings
I can feel so powerful
Yet alone, I don't feel anything

White Willow tree woes
Cylindrical mindset
Continuous flow, woah, wash me away
To darkness
Darken my Evergreen, pine-needle wings
Scavanging for things I know I should not have
They're not always on the surface
Ketamine dreams give me a reason to believe
I can take this gun right out of my mouth
Beat the machine
Run afoul
Be rich
Without a dime around

If I'm appalled
It wont be enough to write
I may be sad
But never sad enough to die
Days like today
I just can't escape my life
Whether justice is or it isn't right
This phone of mine never rings at night
When the bottles empty
I'll be full of love
But it's just for tonight
Tomorrow I
Will be back to where I was

I just need a drink before it's all over
The black
The misery
The trees I've left my own hanging
The people I've beholden to my anger
And the rage always beholden to me
The mist
And the wind
The clouds in the dark sky
The angels that never were
And never will be
I don't need a prayer
Just a drink
So I may disappear
into the black
Back into
My own misery

Frozen oak is a currency I can't claim or Keep
Burning at the altar I
Swear on this cross that you'll burn
Right beside me Be
An anchor for a cause Or
Throw an Anchor just to cause disbelief This
Cloud you're on will descend We will
**** theses ******* off in the end Our
Lords are our hills And
Consciousness is black For
I wait for just a ******* day Too late
To save us both in the end We
Will mash this ******* into dirt Forever
Struggling to express ourselves as long as We
Are still above the water I
Swear that I will never Stop
Fighting to the till the bitter Wounded Creativity
Will mark my end My
Legacy is a tombstone of Words
A shroud cast to keep The ******* Out
The door and into their expressionless lives
Again
No flaws for you
But a death sentence for obedience and Useless Gem

I don't know how I feel so strongly
That I am so wrong for everyone all the time
If I could leave this house for another home
I'd leave lonely and return to my old praxis on a dime

I could say I tried
That I am justified to take my own life
Impoverished and some how still alive
Angry all the time because the high is never as good as the first line

I wish those memories of my life would just stay behind
But I
I am so angry all the time
Because love is never as good as you pictured it in your mind

Your heart told me that...
I'll always be so unhappy
So angry
Until I'm gone
And that life's not beautiful
Unless you're drowning in despair

With every beat
The blood pushed into my veins
Chillling ice cold
Freezing me in place
As my eyes follow you
Down the hall
I can't believe that I believe in you at all
But I do
Watching you running down the hall
Running the wrong way
Never trying to stop at all
The cold is coming back again
I'm guessing you will not though
As I'm staring out the window watching you
Leave this town forever

The mouths are closed
       Obedient proles
Destitute trials reap the fear we always know
    Treasure troves, a place for morals to hide
Willful to shift to an honorable life on this side
To a judge who cannot be faithful
To promise justice
For our lives
To kink the top brass
Shoveling food out of the mouths of peasants
And coal into the hearth for fire
Fire forging hate and manufacturing consent in the form of arms
But no alarms for my friends in high spaces
You have the aces
We only have our spades
We will grind ourselves away
Just a little a time, we die so disgracefully
In the garden of  disdain
Where the little people were too quiet

To rise above their pain

Shapes a man in the wind
Blows contradictions back and forth for him
Never letting voice reach falsettos
In expensive red stilettos
Coarse is namely the objective here
Stupidity loves obscure
As we adhere

Somehow these dreams
     Slowly start and stop the way I thought they'd end it seems
A frustrating, catastrophic way I played
    The game let me descend into despair at the beginning
And every
girl is always lonely at the end
But never lonely enough for me

**** **** **** **** me
You keep saying
I keep *******
And you keep changing
I keep thrusting and you keep saying  
I don't love you
So Why start changing?
So I *******
You start playing
I wake up
You start laying
I think I will
Always be changing
Oh, I thank God I'll always be changing
But never for you..........

I'm so ******
I can hear the voices
\but maybe/  \This is what I was told I'm used to/
   \cause I /
     \know/
       \Oh /
         \I / know I don't derserve to have a choice
                 and my epistemology
                       to other proles
                                    inspired, and they listened
                                          When they felt like
They never had control
But it's all refuse of the mind
   You I never proclaimed the truth
      But I'm so ******* hateful
           (The voices came back and....)
         ******* IT, THERES NOTHING ELSE THAT I CAN DO

Scorching Flames
         liberating the hate
Ensconsed in your brain
        A bile left from change becomes
Food for the conductor shoveling coal for another train
Flames to ash
Ash to dust
The dust to black
The waste is us
From the ground above
The memories erased
The process rebuffs
The claim is ours
But it's nothing new
I may profit from your death
But I'll be joining you soon

Can they stand up to us
Long enough to shake our bones?
Are they really as brilliant as they say?
Why is it so subjective?
Even in the daytime I can still feel the same and so ambiguous  all at once so
I'm as complicated as you want me to be
Changing tires on the wagons of our crumbling democracy
Feeling whether or not anything changed
I never caught it at first like everyone else
Daydreaming of hell  feeling insane
Re-creating more pain
Breeding isolation
Even though now
I'm more like everyone else

A dead, callous soul addresses the pundits
Another fiction for the public to erupt
Never trust
And forget that there are those of us
Who still give a ****
And believe in a world where we can change the game
in the name of love

The virus is getting worse
But the worst of course is always
The first time
You really want to live
Maybe you'd do anything and Maybe you'd do everything and it still would not matter
It's more like a curse
Sometimes we fight to get through
Sometimes we give up
We've all felt that way too
Do you keep dying in your head
To humble yourself through?
I'd cling to someone if I had someone to cling to
But there is never a soul to be found
I fade away from that sound

One day I feel like I do too much. The next is never enough and everything in between reminds me that I can't sail against the wind but I'll always find love again for everything I loved before I thought I'd never love again

What do you think about the depth
          The proximaty of death  
How far I walked to hide my mess
The amarillo blood clot sky
Every day you die in a world where if I tried I could lie and say that it all worked out for me in the end.

Bullets fly
Our favorite death
Is the one we die tonight
And we're out of control
Cause I can't tell for certain
If this life is the life I'm really living in