Sarah Maher

Sarah Maher Nov 2019

”Last week I walked on water
Today I'm sinking low
Can your hand reach down to me and pull me up once more
The dreams I had are shattered, scattered on the floor
The last time you picked up the pieces helped me dream some more
Cause were making stained glass windows
Every piece a different shade
Broken and then put together like a big mistake
But when the light shines through the colors form a tapestry
A hundred different images of how you keep loving me
Each moment you are with me
Each word I hear you say
Help me understand and trust in your higher ways
The road that goes through valleys help me cling to you
And when we find a mountain top we'll dance the whole day through
Cause were making stained glass windows
Every piece a different shade
Broken and then put together like a big mistake
But when the light shines through the colors form a tapestry
A hundred different images of how you keep loving me
I don't know why, I don't know why
You keep loving me
Yeah, yeah
Broken and then put together
Were making stained glass windows
Every piece a different shade
Broken and then put together like a big mistake
Oh and when the light shines through the colors form a tapestry
A hundred different images of how
And when the light shines through the colors form a tapestry
A hundred different images of how you keep loving me“

Stained Glass Windows- Daniel Doss Band

Sarah Maher Nov 2019

Betrayal Vol. 2

Betrayal. One of the worst pains to feel.
When am I going to be betrayed again?
Watch my back.
Cry myself to sleep wondering what I did wrong to be betrayed—cheated, lied to, and broken.
It’s been almost a year since I’ve chosen to forgive you But still, it hurts.
Like the burning of a hot blade pressed against flesh.
What did I do to deserve this? Why was I not good enough?

Sarah Maher Nov 2019

Struggling & Sick

I didn’t know I was pregnant. But the baby didn’t stay. Because of my PCOS, my body couldn’t “home” the baby. The doctor says, “Chances of you having children is less than likely than most women.”
2 years later, out of pure luck and not even trying, I conceived. Scared to death every time there was even a small delay of movement. Thoughts, “Oh no, the baby isn’t moving.” “Oh no, I don’t want to lose this baby too.” Nine months go by, I give birth to a beautiful healthy little baby boy.
That baby boy is 6 years old now and his daddy and I want another. It’s been nearly two years of trying. 6 months with medication. Pills after pills, increasing their dosage each month. Adding in another pill which makes me super sick. I ask myself, “Is another baby really worth all of this sickness? All of this exhaustion?” I want to say yes, but I’m struggling. I’m struggling so hard. Because that’s just it. I am so sick, I am so exhausted, but I am so wanting this. I WANT THIS BAD. I just can’t take the heart break month after month.
Seeing pregnancy announcements—one after another makes me envy these women. Some of them even make me angry. I think to myself, “You shouldn’t even be having kids! Why are you able to get pregnant and I’m not?!” HOW IS THIS FREAKING FAIR?!

Sarah Maher Oct 2018

Three Years Of Birthdays

“Three years of birthdays without you,
only one wish could there be,
to blow out my candles
and have you standing there beside me.

Three birthdays of missing you.
Three birthdays with a heart of pain.
What I wouldn’t give
to have you in my life again.

I miss your smiling face,
the warmth and love that was you.
Everyone else came first in your life,
it was just something you’d do.

I hope you knew what you meant us,
know how much you are missed.
Do you know how often you’re thought of or how many times your picture is kissed?

You made an impact on your family,
everlasting and always there.
The heartache I feel from losing you
is at times more than I can bear.

How I wish I could blow out my candles
and have you back in my life. The roles you played were many,
as grandmother, mother, and wife,

But I know my wish can’t come true,
you will never again stand beside me.
The only way I can see you now
is in pictures, memories, and dreams.”

Sarah Maher Oct 2018

It’s Not Fair

It’s Not Fair.
The way you’re making me feel.
How can you be upset with me for breaking
your heart?
How can you try and make me feel guilty for it?
“We will never be a couple. You assured me of that time and time again. You don’t want me. You assured me of that too.”
How can you try and make me feel guilty for that?
You are the one who pursued a married woman.
What good would have come out of that?
Did you expect me to cheat on my husband?
Did you expect me to leave him?
How can you be upset that I said, “I don’t regret the way things went because I got my son out of it.”??
Why would you ever think that I would wish away my son’s existence just so I could have had a life with “The One That Got Away”?
That is where the expression comes from.
You were the one that got away.

Sarah Maher Sep 2018

Monster in My Soul

Silence.
I sit alone in silence.
Darkness.
Alone in the darkness, I sit in silence.
Inside my heart, there is pain.
Inside my head, I am screaming.
Questions.
To myself, I have questions.
Attention.
Do I have everybody’s attention?
Exit.
Here, I make life’s exit.

Pause.
I pause with the ounce of hope that I still matter to someone.
Will I ever be good enough or will the monster in my soul always win?

Sarah Maher Sep 2018

Fooled

“The dad I always wanted is about to leave me. How is that fair?”
Words written by Bart Millard

Words that hit me like a ton of bricks.
That’s how I felt with my mom.
In the few years before her death, she became the mom I always wanted and then just like that, she was gone. Just when I felt like I was getting closer to her, the moments were ripped away from me. It wasn’t fair at all.
But it did give me and Dad a chance to finally get to know each other and have a better relationship. He apparently didn’t want that. He was in a hurry to “fall in love” with someone else so that he didn’t have to get close to me. When the first woman sadly passed away, he didn’t even try then either. Dad has NEVER shown interest in me. He just pretends to around other people. He fools them all.