Love is a distraction
Like going to war between real life and dreaming up a fantasy,
I’d rather disappear than to let someone get ahold of me

I hide behind empty things
I blend between broken strings
I shrink when I start to sing
I’m hidden behind my own reflection
To far gone my body is deflating

Everything I say is like a ticking time bomb,
Every word that I write seems to bury me deep inside,
Everything that I think always seems to ooze out and bleed,
Ooze out and crack like bricks,
Delusional,
Disrespect,
All started with just a text,
Everything that I’ve built,
Came crashing like spilt pills,
Gang up on me,
Felt betrayed,
Now I try to move away,
From the love that caused me pain,
I try not to feel drained,
But what came out of their mouths,
Made my brain burst all over again into bright red flames,
And now I feel shame,
Like my words aren’t the right words to say,
So maybe I should just keep quiet and let my brothers not hear my truth,
Cause whatever I say next,
May burn down a bond instead of just a bridge

I’m a spirit in a body,
I hold my hands out and there it is,
Lit like a flame,
As it slowly maintains  
Not burning nor hurting,
just sitting and floating,
Just waiting patiently for my soul to stop glowing.
But it won’t.
Not even when time stops.
It’ll keep on going.
Cause no matter if the body’s gone,
The spirit will still keep moving.

Sleeping,
Falling,
Darkness,
Surrounding,
Dirtying,
My body,
Images,
Appalling,
Loneliness surrounds me,
I’m sleepless,
Depriving,
Revolting,
Abandon,
Emotions,
But slowly,
I’m restless,
I’m sorry,
I keep on breaking,
Cracking it open,
Shattered to pieces,
When I know I can’t proceed,
From these emotions I’m feeling,
Can’t be real from this person,
Who I thought was so loving,
And caring,
But seemed to be playing,
Again and again that they play is divulging,
Why must they keep and mess with my heart,
When I now should know better than to guard this with taste,
And that’s when I wake,
With an emotionless face,
But knowing all these memories that stays with me,
I know that I’ll never ever forget about your personality

My life is on pause.
Stuck in a fog.
Making bad decisions.
I’m a sewer that’s clogged.
Overthinking.
Overbearing.
Over stimulate my own flaws.
To make room for more claws.
Scratching its way to my heart.
To bleed.
To fall.
Like licking blood stains off art walls.
A canvas so finished.
There are no blocks.
No stops.
Head is filled with so much intensity that’ll make your head spin.
Break.
Even possibly shake.
But not as far to make you feel lonely.
You may feel guilty but you’re not the one melting.
I’m the one who has to figure this out deliberately.
Warmly.
Figure this out calmly.
I have to push myself to be who I want.
To move swiftly.
Through gravity.
Stand still or keep going?

The love I give is unlike anybody else's only a few can only see,
A few can see only my truest heart that not many are able to feed,
Even if I wear my heart across my body there's no one to deem worthy,
That every part of me that you choose not to see is only your truest discoveries

White hair,
Blank face,
Woke up in a white room with light space,
Waking up from a lost memory that I couldn’t remember,
The last thing that popped through my brain was a dark room in a dark place,
Which I thought was a vision but turns out that was my last life in a different setting,
Don’t remember after point blank,
Now I stare down at a round globe that looks pretty,
But should I stay here or go down there and start my new life journey,
White gown was what I was wearing,
I see a lovely couple in the waiting room wishing to have a baby,
But she wanted a girl and ended up with two boys, they seem a bit rowdy,
Waiting here is kinda tiring,
As I stared back down knowing I must make a decision,
But also knowing the consequences,
That if I start up my journey there,
It’ll all end up in tragedy and then I’ll have to make myself whole again,
By finding love again,
By finding peace again,
By finding me again,
That’s a risk that I’m willing to take,
Even though it might crush me inside out to be able to breathe again,
I’ll still progress the process within me,
To set free the real me and let people see what I wanna be down there in the greenery than being stuck up here and looking down at the scenery,
Now that’s a challenge that I’m willing to make possible,
Even though the world that I look at seems damaging,
War outbreaks,
Religious and race,
Stress building,
Suicidal and grace,
Liars and cheaters,
Loyalty and love,
Everywhere I’ve looked brought me more closer to God,
I wonder what kind of personality I’ll have,
What kind of traits I’ll discover,
What type of friends I’ll make or maybe become a loner,
Either way, it’s how I shape me or where my journey leads,
The life lessons that teaches me might crumble me and have me waiting patiently,
But realize that love breaks down every negativity that streams through each and everyone’s star dusted bodies,
I think I’ve made up my mind,
Cause there was a sudden bright flash that I had to bask in,
After that I blinked twice looking up to see the most beautiful of brown eyes and smile all covered in sweat,
And a name given to me while the nice women held me snuggled close for there was little room for stretching,
And then I fall back to sleep knowing that this part of my life was already beginning.

Why is my body wanting me to stay here?
Viewing my visions in clear view,
My mind is so lost I can't see straight,
And yet here I am,
Blind as a bat,
Finding my way,
Cannot be swayed,
And all I can hear are footsteps blocking my way.

These walls are made up of bricks,
Stands tall but not ready to fall,
I breathe in while my heart races wildly,
So my heart could continue beating steadily,
You seem to be always my trigger,
This time not for emotions,
My heart wants something more deeper,
That makes my eyes linger with devotions,
Makes my body lit like fire,
Makes me want to demolish these bricks down with a hammer,
And reach out and make me look desperate and needy,
…
I breathe out,
My vision,
I can now see clearly,
But if I do that I know I’ll be chasing,
So I think I’ll just stand my ground and put my feet down,
Until you say those words then maybe I’ll break free,
But until then right now in my mind,
You’re like a ghost to me,
You’re nothing and now I can finally move my feet and move freely.

When do I give up?
When do I stay?
When do I ever call it a day?
How long do I wait?
or should I even wait at all?
All these decisions are making me quake.

How should I respond?
What do I say?
Can me and him really just be friends?
He is a loner and I am the same,
So how do we do this?
How can this situation be tamed?

Just be you and I'll be me,
And one day,
we will meet,
But for right now,
just do you,
and I'll swiftly follow a suit.

Why are so many afraid of me?
Why do I keep falling hard?
Why can no guy see it?
Is it because I'm just too easy?
What's the point in trying?
If the only option is failing,
How is everyone else getting it right and I'm the only one falling?
I love too hard I can't help it,
Which is why I should stay put,
But whenever someone wants to know me better,
I'm always misunderstood