Seeing you the first time,
I knew I needed more.
We met, in a group of friends,
I had to see more.

Some time went by,
I found myself thinking more.
We met again, exchanged details,
I knew then I wanted to speak more.
We did, we spoke all the time,

You made me want to become more.
Now that you're mine,
I feel as though I'll never again,
find myself,
Wanting more...

I've been hurt before,
just like anyone else.
Lied to, cheated on, teased, bullied and on and on the list goes.
I've been undone time and time again and yet,
the biggest injustice ever done to me was by myself,
because I left myself undone and simply carried on.

"You dress weird"
I heard the one say,
And then I heard another go,
"No one's going to speak to you looking like that"
They kept going on, one after the other..
"If you feel comfortable, rock it"
"Don't take note of them, do you"
"I mean, that's so last year"
"You should dress according to your body type"
All the while, I'm looking in the mirror, doubtful...
"No matter what you wear, you'll never look good enough"
"Have you thought about dieting?"
"You're amazing just the way you are"
"Those who are able to accept are the only ones worth having in your life"
"What do you even have to offer people?"
"If I were desperate enough, they maybe"
STOP! I shouted.
This is when I realised I've been sitting alone,
No one else is around,
And this right here, is my daily routine.
A group discussion of all the voices who live in my head,
Each one a different situation from my past that I've allowed to move in to my head..
It's hard some days, I even lose the battle on other days.
But I am who I am, and today,
I'm simply in love with who I am.

I always felt true to the thought,
"that which you love, you shall attract."
But never did I give mind to the flip side of that.
"that which you fear, you'll also attract."
Yes, I love you deeply, but I know now, that I feared losing you more than I was able to love you.
It's funny though, it's all so clear now, only after I've lost you!

Somewhere along the way, I've forgotten to trust the process.
I wanted to be the controller of my outcomes.
Instead of focusing on me, being true to me, I wanted to have at all.
In the end, I lost myself.

And now, I'm trusting the process, starting with the process of finding myself.

I've learnt that appreciating the sweetness of English has become my biggest enemy.
I've twisted my love for words and added meaning to things you've said to me and turned it into what was never meant

I should be labelled an escape artist.
However, I don't escape from locked cages or safes that have been submerged deep under water.
No, instead, I have been escaping my pain and all that's hurt me
All these years,
and times running out.
I'm running out of air and it sbecome hard to breath in my confinement of demons which are my wounds.

Why did I wait until it was too late?
I waited and waited
before I allowed your words to pierce me.
I have control over my own mind,
I've always had control
Yet, each time I left it,
tacitly approving it to run away with each negative thought.
And now that you've left me, I've allowed your words to pierce through me.
Like a sharpened shard of despair and remorse.
I want you to know, at least,
your words pierced my soul!

I kept wondering why it's so hard for me to love myself.
Honestly, I'm beyond amazing. Everyone feels that way about me. Now I know, I've spent too much time showing them and too little time showing myself.

I've fallen down so many times that my knees are grazed. I'm on sitting on the ground right now, I've fallen again. I'm staring at my palms, like I'm looking for a sign. My palms are grazed too...That's right, my palms too are grazed because I've pushed myself up each time I've fallen

Stop fooling yourself by living life as though you're unable to change your mind. Change it, change it again...change it again and again until it feels like you have no need to change it thereafter.

I knew I was right for you in every way, but I was blind to everything that was wrong about me

How do you move on after they've touched your soul and set it ablaze

I am toxic.
I have allowed myself to dress in toxic.
I have learnt to accept toxic.
I unknowingly embraced toxic.
I disguised my toxic.
Yet, I expected people to love me.
My unattended wounds have sprouted toxicity and today,
Well today I pull my bandages off and they ooze toxic.
I'm cleaning it all out, allowing them to bleed on my unstained floor.
I am healing.
I am disinfecting that which I have allowed to become toxic.
Discarding the toxic.
Watching it flow, slowly returning back the power it has had over me.
I am in control.
I will become toxic free.
And when I demand love, I'll demand it with a whole lot of love for me!

Even in my expectations of expecting less,
I let myself down.

I've heard people's whispers,
Telling the most beautiful stories.
I've heard people singing,
The most beautiful heartbreaks.

I've heard speeches,
Been shouted on the loudspeaker, calling for action and justice..
I've heard the crying of a baby, happy and sad...

I've been in the dark and I could not see,
I've been alone and didn't know the why,
I've heard the voice of my mind,
It's been my guiding light...

I've heard a life full of voices,
And only yours is the one I have on repeat...

You enter through the doorway,
The lighting, dimmed to a tone,
An ambiance trickles, it's inviting...elevating!
Grab a champagne, and walk on through.

Over here, the artist makes explicit use of brighter blazes of colour.
It talks back to days of happiness, content, even love?
Here we can see ideas of dreams and idealism,
A soul who once believed that out there; love triumphed!

The next range, our artist plays with darker shades of grey.
It's subtle, yet enough to break the backdrop of a rainbow.
Perhaps the feelings of hurt and betrayal, loyalties have been tested.
However hurt, our artist still holds the idea of love.

One of the last sections, our artist falls into a darkness.
Black, grey with a centerpiece of red in most pieces.
You feel the torment and the feeling of being trapped.
The artist has succumb to their inner demon.

The artist has battled their mind, along their journey, we've seen victory and defeat.
We can see a tale of hopelessness and anxiety,
We can almost be sure of loneliness and despair.
We see an imagery of an author, who once wrote of love...

However, we turn to the final piece on display
A shadowy figure, still guided by darkness.
However, he follows a winding trail, onwards,
To a glowing Sunrise in the distance...

And with this, we know...
The battle is not over!

if both the roads of love and life lead to hurt and pain...
which road would you choose?

If I never tell you,
I guess you'll never know.
So I'll go on,
Without saying a word,
And you'll go on,
Without ever knowing.

My whole life was falling again, simply falling apart.
Like I was the one this time,
To have thrown a brick in my fragile glass house.

And then you come in like a whirlwind,
Only it felt like a gust of fresh air.
You began picking up the the fallen shards,
Piecing them like a puzzle you've completed on an amazing glass table.

And then it struck me, like that rock was been thrown back at me.
You kept piecing and jigsaw puzzling the walls of my glass house,
But you built it around both of us,
And you made it our glass house!

You will no longer find rocks in this glass house.
There is never a need to break this glass house.
Now it is filled with blossoming flowers
That grow only with the love we water it with.

So there's this star I see whenever I look out from my bedroom window.
There's nothing special about this one specific star.
It has a gold shine or shimmer, which ever it is that stars actually do.
There aren't any stars as bright or fiery and fierce in its proximity.

So there it is, this star that I keep seeing.
All by itself, in it's own golden spotlight,
But for all I know this star stands alone.
But late at night, when I look up at the sky, the moon has taken a place, right alongside.

So here I am, lying in my kingdom staring at this star.
You'd think I'd stop right? I mean, there's nothing great about this star.
For all I know, it's always been there, in that black space and I never noticed it.


But of course, I only recall looking at the spangled night sky because I came to notice this burning ball of splendid.

I've been speaking to the star lately. I must be losing my mind though, why am I speaking to a star?
Is it because I long to speak to you as I speak to this star?

Has this tiny glitter of insignificance listened to the conversations I plan to have with you someday?
That's right, it's seen my smile and heard my laugh. Me perfecting my ****** expressions in anticipation of your responses.

This makes a ton of sense now, I guess it does.
This gold illuminating rock wasn't meant to mean all that it does.
Kind of ironic or double sided when I think about it.
I'm looking up again, I see the moon has kept it's regular schedule tonight.

The moon, why didn't I choose the moon to utter my story to?
That's right!
The moon belongs to everyone doesn't it?
At the back of my mind, this golden Snowball belongs to me.

And when the time is right, I'm going to reach out, I just hope that at that time, you'll reach back!

In my loneliness,
Where it is only me,
I have found that,
The voices keep getting louder.

My life has been moulded by mere moments.
Simple moments, that when I look back,
Seem insignificant at most.
Yet the weight of these moments are immense!

Simple and minute moments that I
appreciate.
It is within these moments I have found solitude.
Within these moments, I have found peace or happiness.
Within these moments, deciding factors that has lead me to live!

These are moments that may seem tiny!
Meeting someone and becoming family!
Experiencing a car accident and learning to live more!
A sports injury, that taught me to relax more.

There is one moment, that I did not see coming.
A moment, that has not only redefined my future,
But has shown me to build my future around it.
That moment? Meeting her!

I've come to realize that there are moments,
Simple moments in my life that no longer seem to make sense.
I have lead my own thoughts to where it is,
And now, It is my own thoughts that I doubt.

You see, I've realized that many things are untrue.
I've let slip certain mindsets that seemed to mean so much to me.
Tiny things, that I can no longer explain or accept.
Minute details that are now something I need to rewrite.

It's funny how I've realised of all this, in a short space of time.
Silly things like love is a lie, I'm alone and I'm fine with that.
These tiny yet powerful notions of life,
Set aside and questioned, whether I really believe this!

As I'm struck by this reality of realization,
I have to accept that it's because of her.
Only a fool would look beyond her being,
And not give credit that she has unearthed these changes within me.

Cover to cover, read my story.
I dare you!
But to be fair, I must tell you, I've left my soul between the confines of these pages.
Read my story, I dare you!
But I ask you this, think you can handle it?

I've loved you for the longest that I can remember.
I only used 'loved' because it's the correct context.
Fact of the matter is I still do.
Yes, I still love you!

Through relationships, flings, friendly encounters,
See I've developed this habit.
I always detect chatecteristics about people that remind me of you.
And the charecteristics that's missing in them, which is possessed by you.

What hurts is not that I love you this much and yet I'm not with you,
It's that I've told you how much I love you But you didn't feel the same.
From the last time I told you how I feel till now, I still feel the same!

These are the confessions of a mad man.
Society has negated his reflexion of sanity.
Crystal clear depictions of his self thought
All that lingers is his wanting to be understood.

The confessions of a mad man may not be considered
His bound by the reality that he only understood
Staring through a microscopic realisation
But he knows that rough sands make smooth glass.

A mad mans confessions; most times overlooked.
I've viewed his notions and thoughts.
His interjections of a time, passed us by so long ago.
His pure nature and soul, unbound by what we consider society.

I've known a mad man who only wanted his confessions heard.
His guilt, he could no more carry, his shoulders all burdened by the past.
All he wanted was for people to hear,
The mistakes that were made by people before us.